When I was a kid I used to lick the batter all the time, but now it's considered "unsafe" and "disruptive to the baseball game."
— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) September 21, 2013
Amazing how indignant Libs get,saying "ObamaCare is the law of the land",yet treat our Constitution like it's written on a cocktail napkin!
— Ken Wahl (@KenWahl1) September 23, 2013
Once Breaking Bad is over I’ll have to go back to relying on reality to destroy me emotionally.
— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) September 23, 2013
I'm going to donate to the Atlas Shrugged, Part III Kickstarter. At the $10,000 level I get a walk-on part with a thirty-minute speech.
— Popehat (@Popehat) September 23, 2013
Smile. It makes it your teeth an easier target.
— The Batman (@TheBatman) September 23, 2013
I'm going to run for Congress, but do it in an odd-numbered year and sneak in when nobody is looking.
— Stephen Green (@VodkaPundit) September 23, 2013
Life hack: if you want to stop biting your nails, simply decapitate yourself
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) September 24, 2013