The federal government’s National Institutes of Health is studying how to use Twitter for surveillance on depressed people.
Easy. Just search #TriedSigningUpForObamacare
4 Comments
One way they could lower the number of depressed people in the country would be to just go away and stop squandering money on “studies”, but then, this study isn’t about depressed people, it’s about how to do better surveillance.
Studies on what causes happiness have found that a major indicator of happiness is the level of freedom and control an individual has over their own lives. This use of Twitter by NIH is bound to increase depression throughout the US.
And when they find them, they’ll announce, “Man, you know what? There’s a lotta depressed people out there!!! How about that!!!” And then they’ll come up with a stress pill that gets approved by the FDA whose side effects include bleeding gums, blurred vision, stroke, heart attacks, fits of anger, suicide and numbness below the waist. But it’s safe, ’cause, ask your doctor if it’s right for you.
One way they could lower the number of depressed people in the country would be to just go away and stop squandering money on “studies”, but then, this study isn’t about depressed people, it’s about how to do better surveillance.
I give you 5 to 1 that the study finds the number one sign of a person being depressed is that he want to cut the federal budget.
Studies on what causes happiness have found that a major indicator of happiness is the level of freedom and control an individual has over their own lives. This use of Twitter by NIH is bound to increase depression throughout the US.
And when they find them, they’ll announce, “Man, you know what? There’s a lotta depressed people out there!!! How about that!!!” And then they’ll come up with a stress pill that gets approved by the FDA whose side effects include bleeding gums, blurred vision, stroke, heart attacks, fits of anger, suicide and numbness below the waist. But it’s safe, ’cause, ask your doctor if it’s right for you.