… issue “Dentons” to 26-year-old males who sip cocoa while discussing Obamacare.
… be entitled to declare themselves charities, since Democrats have declared that most of the care they will be providing will be “free.” Where on earth will they get any income?
… will finally have an answer to Bugs Bunny: “Your premiums and deductible.”
… will, like their patients on Food Stamps, come under the authority of the USDA and be required to assign each patient an expiration date (a.k.a. the individual man date).
… will try to soothe everyone who’s taking it in the shorts by quipping, “You should be relieved that it’s a Tuck’s, not a penalty.”
…abort politicians.
FIRST!
…be paid with expired coupons and free samples.
The biggest change under Obamacare – doctors will…
… abandon the current “doctor’s office” paradigm and use Lucy Van Pelt’s medical practice as a model for the future.
…turn to more lucrative careers, such as entering politics or becoming high-level government bureaucrats…
Include a free rectal exam with every visit.
…finally get the opportunity to focus, like a laser beam, on their artistic talents.
…will increasingly be “supplemented” by low-experience graduates of on-line physician assistant schools…
… be known as “Doktor.”
…no longer have access to sharp objects.
…be put on ‘suicide watch’.
…have a Democrat Party official along side them at all times.
… be equipped with penicillin and phonicillin, and know how to use them.
… Doolittle, until someone Seuss them.
… feel like they’ve time traveled back to 1939 Germany — in a story called “The Tardis and the Herr.”
… fight cancer with hashtags.
… report not only to the IRS, but also to the NSA — hence their new stealth-o-scopes.
…will only be allowed to sit when they are on a Death Panel.
… get HIPPA-punched.
The biggest change under Obamacare – doctors will…
… Start accepting cash under the table for basic office visits.
… Return to the old village barter system of accepting bread and produce for services.
… stand on street corners with signs that say “Will Heal for Food.”
… issue “Dentons” to 26-year-old males who sip cocoa while discussing Obamacare.
… be entitled to declare themselves charities, since Democrats have declared that most of the care they will be providing will be “free.” Where on earth will they get any income?
… soon be chanting “Tumor Years! Tumor Years!”
…find damned little humerus about the situation
will all have only honorary degrees
get their degrees from the universal life church
The biggest change under Obamacare – doctors will…
…hand out free (mandatory) kool-aid drinks to all patients after each office visit
…be required to gather information not pertaining to healthcare on each patient and report it to the NSA
…will receive a “Double O” code number.
…change their oath from “First, do no harm” to “Kill ’em all; let God sort ’em out.”
Doctor? What’s a doctor?
…will go where there’s still money to be made: veterinary practice.
… will finally have an answer to Bugs Bunny: “Your premiums and deductible.”
… will, like their patients on Food Stamps, come under the authority of the USDA and be required to assign each patient an expiration date (a.k.a. the individual man date).
… will try to soothe everyone who’s taking it in the shorts by quipping, “You should be relieved that it’s a Tuck’s, not a penalty.”
… be required to also be a magician, dammit, Jim!
… begin answering the question “Is there a doctor in the house?” with “That depends — is there a gun?”
…will find a new line on the birth certificate to fill out “expiration date”
… be the government’s eyes and ears; like cops. Fuzzicians.
… find themselves in an awkward predicament: having to heel if they want to heal.
… embody the nexus between between proscriptions and prescriptions.
…doctors will have to schedule medical appointments around their shift a Burger King.
… be debriefed as regularly as their patients.
… find that Clint Eastwood was right: Obama is an M.D. Chair.
…create a black market. Whoops, what that racist of me?
The Biggest Change Under Obamacare – Doctors Will…
not be able to keep themselves if they like themselves.
all just be nurses.
keep quiet if they know what is good for them.
be working to chump change.
…practice good old-fashioned medicine. -Lots of blood-letting.
… Give you the news:
You’ve got a bad case of loving Hu.