If IMAO had been truly wiped off the face of the internet this past week, I’d never know:
If DamnCat was a damn cat
If Walrus was a walrus
If Editor was an editor
If Bill is due
If Gumbeaux was ready to rumbeaux
If Dohtimes would find the time to go “Doh!” somewhere else
If Bob B was truly a bot, and if he could also guide me to salvation (thanks)
If Bob in Feenicks could just guide me to Feenicks
If tankdemon was — you know — a tank demon; and if he ever found his shillelagh
If Gene would ever get back together with his group, Gene & the Doomsday Glaciers, and that guy in the back of the bar. What was his name? One-Eyed Pete?
If Jimmy was here to stay this time
If Scotty T can give us more power from the warp drive
If Vaktatunen (or is it Vakatunen?) would vacate
If GrandLarsenE would admit to being a gator
If Windbag is really an accurate screen name
If the Magnificent Purple Walnut would change his colors
If zzyzx would remember any lines from “Blazing Saddles,” by any chance
If CaleyGraph liked Venn Diagrams
If SomeDudeInTX would get ever get over the shakes
If rametindallas would do the same thing (it must be a Texas thing)
If Andy would still be Andy
If Biscuit would fluff up
If Bubba is from the South
If Conservatarian would admit he’s a liberal
If Finbear and Fangbeer are the same person (spoiler: they aren’t)
If Hadsil ever met Gretl
If ddalry would stop being so shy
If Some Internet Guy would turn out to be Some Other Internet Guy
And if Les would take over, already! He was here way before I was!
If I missed you, I apologize — but I would miss you.



















