Recently, the Humane Society of the United States protested the 21st Annual Star Island Yacht Club Shark Tournament. The HSUS – a fanatical animal rights organization – was incensed that sharks – which have declined in population by over 80% in the last 50 years – were being festively slaughtered for sport.
Their point being, I suppose, that it’s unconscionable to kill vicious, flesh-eating predators if you have fun while doing it.
I have a hard time disagreeing. I mean, why would you NOT want more bloodthirsty, savage, aquatic killing-machines patrolling our coastal waters? Would YOU want to live in a world where it’s perfectly safe to swim, surf, and scuba dive near the shorelines of a heavily populated area? I know I wouldn’t! If nothing else, it helps keep the riff-raff & trailer trash off the beaches. I get enough of those visual atrocities at Wal-Mart, thank you very much!
Yet it seems to me that the HSUS is being elitist, if not downright speciesist, when it comes to choosing which spillers of innocent blood they fight to protect. It’s common knowledge that the most dangerous predator on Earth is MAN. Specifically Chuck Norris and Fred Thompson, but other humans have been known to pose a threat on occasion, too.
Lately, the biggest non-Chuck-non-Fred threat to human life has been Islamic terrorists. Why isn’t the HSUS doing something to protect them? Not a day goes by that the headlines don’t splash the horrific death toll of our precious dwindling terrorist resources. Granted, five or ten splattered Hadjis may not sound like a big loss, but that constant trickle of corpses adds up. Coddling Allah’s Islamic Radicals (CAIR) estimates that over 100,000 terrorists have been lost since 9/11, and their remaining numbers keep spiraling downward.
I find this repugnant.
A species is a species and endangered is endangered. Sure, terrorists lack the grandeur of the elephant or the cuddly, photogenic appeal of a Panda bear. And yes, they smell bad, oppress women, and plot the global genocide of all non-Muslims. Hey, they can’t ALL be baby Harp Seals! But if HSUS can fight for the rights of an animal that smells like a Red Lobster dumpster in August, why can’t it fight for an animal that likes to blow up women and children? At least it’s a MAMMAL for cryin’ out loud!
The fact is, if we don’t stop the insane slaughter of our dangerously fanatical – yet charmingly quirky – Muslim brethren, soon there won’t be a single terrorist left alive on earth! I can’t imagine the shame of trying to explain to my grandchildren that – because I did nothing – he can only see filthy, butchering Jihadists in picture books or Guantanamo.
Well, if HSUS is going to drop the ball on this one, I certainly won’t! It’s time to get organized! Call your congressman! Call the President! Speak out in whatever forum is available to you! Worst case, start one of web-blob thingies! If you’re a hot chick, post naked pictures of yourself on your MySpace page in protest. Or just send them directly to me. Whichever. It doesn’t matter, as long as you make your voice heard!
If we don’t do something now, there will soon come a day when crazed Islamofascists are just a faded memory, never again to grace our planet with their murderous majesty.
And I can’t think of anything more tragic.
Can you?
Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “Red Lobster: Genocidal Hate Criminals” and “Nude Photography for Righteously Indignant Hot Chicks”.
I think it’s past time to begin actively recruiting terrorists for illegal immigration. We could lure them here with the offers medical care, schooling and food at the cost of the legal citizens as well as in-state tuition in places like Maryland, right close to their favorite target Washington D.C. What could be better? Close to work and an easy, economical commute.
I think it’s a better plan than, uneducated, ignorant south of the border folks who only plan to take over the country and make it more like where they came from.
Which actually spawns the question, if where they came from was so wonderful, why didn’t they stay there?
The shark parts were funny but comparing endangered sharks to terrorists is an analogy that fails miserably. Terrorists are not really endangered since the Bush administration has done a pathetic job of killing them so far. Many terrorism analysts have argued that the Bush administration has been creating new breeding grounds for terrorists with their miserable war efforts. Harvey your poorly research article argues that the terrorists are on the verge of being eradicated which is ludicrous.
That’s right, Harvey. As long as there are folks like Sarcasm Man, there will always be terrorists. Has anyone ever seen Sarcasm Man and Nancy Pelosi at the same time? Hmmm…
Maybe we can list the terrorist as just “threatened” and when they start being killed in enough quanity then move them to “endangered”.
On a side note I want to start a project to chlorinate the worlds oceans that way it would be safer for swiming. Every summer we have to put up with folks whining about shark bites, jelly fish stings or red tide. I converted my home pool over to a salt system to make cholrine and it works great. We could do the same to the oceans and make them safe once again.
I’m not sure that the population of sharks has declined. The ones who have died have been replaced by lawyers and DemocRATic politicians.
You know, for someone named “Sarcasm Man”, you’re awfully sensitive to sarcastic posts. Maybe you should consider changing your name to “Uptight Prig” or something.
Apologies if this post is satire or parody (and not sarcastic), I always have a problem figuring out which is which.
“I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Smells like Victory.”
“What you talking about, Willis?”
Everyone has already figured out that Sarcasm Man is Ron Paul (sister of Rue Paul).
…an animal that smells like a Red Lobster dumpster in August,…
Well, I ‘spose that might be pretty funky. How does it compare to Rosie O’s slightly soiled boxer shorts. ..or.. sarcasm man’s sense of humor?