I think it’s time to start focusing on McCain being our nominee (and get back to ignoring Mike Huckabee), and that means thinking about a running mate for him. I know none of us are thrilled with McCain, but a good running mate could make his candidacy much more excitement. Here are my ideas:
FRANK SUGGESTIONS FOR A MCCAIN RUNNING MATE
* Newt Gingrinch: That guy is smart. No one knows conservatism better than him. Then again, McCain will probably just use that knowledge to better screw conservatives.
* John Bolton: A guy with a ‘stache like that doesn’t take any crap. Other countries hate him, and that’s why we love him. He’d be a nice choice just for watching all the hippies squeal in anger.
* Fred Thompson: That would just be so awesome. I might actually like McCain if he has Fred Thompson as a running mate. Also, you can be sure that America’s enemies will be looking out for McCain’s health because the last thing they would want is something to happen to him and leaving Fred Thompson in charge.
* Mr. T: I know I suggest Mr. T for everything, but he’s awesome. I pity the fool who doesn’t like Mr. T.
* A Ninja: We were used to the VP being unseen most of the time, so why not someone who hides in the shadows waiting to strike. Plus, he’s already in an undisclosed location… right behind you!
* Fear: The Constitution is kinda confusing (they use s’s that look like f’s in it; no wonder we need nine old lawyers to tell us what it means), but does the vice president have to be a person? Does he even have to be a physical entity? Can it just be a concept? I think it would be perfect for a Republican to run with Fear as his running mate. If you don’t like Fear, how about Death?
* Fire: In a compromise between something physical and an intangible concept, how about fire as a running mate? It would be so awesome to see McCain going around the campaign trail followed by fire. Of course, if something happens to McCain and fire has to take office in the White House, it will be 1814 all over again.
* A Robot with Gatling Guns for Arms: Do I really have to explain this one? BTW, its eyes should glow red.
You can’t go wrong with Bolton’s Bushy Mustache of Truth.
I think that Bolton would be great (or Thompson). Think about how many people would support someone who told the UN where to stick it.
I really like the John Bolton idea. However if you really want to strike fear into terrorists and hippies, go for Dick Cheney. Maybe a constitutional amendment naming him VP in perpetuity. Sort of a Feared Leader.
I think it’d be even better if on inauguration day McCain pulled away the mask to reveal a very sweaty Dick Cheney (with girdle). Liberal heads would explode on both coasts.
All McCaine is is a democrate in republican clothes. How can you call yourself a republican conservative and have the stomach to vote for McCain?!
Bottom line: McCain isn’t any better then Clinton or Obama. He just calls himself a name other then domocrat.
i think Molly Millions (razor girl from William Gibson stories) is an obvious choice. That way we could claim a historic first, the first female cybernetically enhanced assassin/body guard elected vice president.
Mr. T, A Ninja, Fear
Aren’t these three basically the same thing?
-___-
Fundamental differences, #6, fundamental differences.
so sorry, that annoyed face is a link. Kinda hard to tell..
Well, if you’re trying to figure out what the Maverick is going to do, you have to wonder two things:
What will annoy conservatives the most?
And
What will make the media most happy?
I know, that’s generally the same thing, but not always. In this case, it’s the same thing.
First, you have to think about what’s going on in the election and who’s in and who’s out and I think I know who he’s going to choose.
For my purpsoses, you have to assume that the Dem candidate is going to be Obama!, I think that’s the way the wind is blowing.
You know he wants a fellow senator, he wants someone to get all the Obama!-haters out there to join together and you know he doesn’t mind “reaching across the aisle” as long as it ticks off conservatives.
So I would just like to be the first to congratulate Senator McCain and Senator Hillary Clinton for their historic run for the presidency vs Senator Obama and (insert running mate here).
Since the robot with red eyes was built in Austria, it is not allowed to run. Then again, who will tell it not to?
McCain can’t win unless he gets people with MES (borderline MDS – like me) to vote for him. So, here’s the question: Is he smart enough to realize that either:
McCain / Thompson
or,
McCain / Romney
is the way to do that? I kinda doubt it.
Ninja: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhhkgMu7adk
I think McCain should pick as a running mate………..JESUS! Now that would piss some people off! You want charisma? Well JESUS has more charisma than Obama! Want Peace?? So does JESUS! Universal healthcare? HEY, we got JESUS (he’ll fix you right up) Think about it.. he’d get the Hispanic vote. He’d get the Southern Baptist vote. Probably even sway some of those so called “moderate” dems…. I tell you, you cant go wrong with JESUS!
(paid for by friends of Jesus for VP)
Where does the Constitution say the Vice President has to be alive? Lenin’s body for Vice President! This would help McCain steal moderate Democrat votes.
Still not as good as Huckabee, though!
And those of you right-wing extremists who don’t think a Hero of the Revolution’s dead body can be a great leader are just BIGOTS!!!!!!!!!
You gotta understand “der Mensch” – the man. McCain isn’t “smart,” he’s “vindictive.” He won’t try to unite the Party because he hates the Party.
Chthulhu would make a great VP choice for McCain!
Chthulhu makes McCain look young!
Chthulhu would make McCain completely acceptable to conservatives!*
Chthulhu for VP!
I am Chthulhu and I approved this message!
*Chthulhu will make McCain Acceptable to conservatives by promising to eat him after inauguration!
“A Robot with Gatling Guns for Arms”
Yes! Nominate the Amazing Screw-On Head!
http://www.amazon.com/Amazing-Screw-Head-Paul-Giamatti/dp/B000KJU16E/ref=pd_ys_iyr4
No doubt about it. Its time for –
Zombie Reagan.
http://sweasel.com/archives/869
He should pick you, Frank J.!
Okay, yeah, technically you’re too young to serve as VP. But I’m sure McCain has some friends who can set you up with a fake ID. They hang out in the Home Depot parking lot downtown; fifty dollars American, and you’re good to go.
How about Optimus Prime? I’d vote for him.
I actually kinda like the idea of Death as his running mate.
He would speak with a voice like lead coffin doors crashing shut.
AND ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS. JUST TRY TO NEGOTIATE WITH THAT.
Fritz, bring me a beer. Archie call McCain and tell him he ate his own strawberries and to stop calling me.
Seriously, McNut should prop up Uncle Ho to get the moderate/left vote. He probably still talks to him, late at night when he’s wandering around the hallways…
Ted Kennedy…might as well just go ahead and make it official. He’ll be running the country with McCain if McCain is elected.
McCain should have an untrained, full-grown Siberian tiger as his running mate. Could you imagine the vice presidential debates? The things weigh 500# and can leap 21′. Obama or Hillary or whomever would be making some nebulous point about how we need more money for health care when WHAMMMO! 500# of orange and black striped kitty death would leap on them from above.
Heck, I’d pay to see that.
So, McCain needs a running mate? How about:
McCain / Kennedy
or,
McCain / Feingold
or,
McCain / Lieberman
or,
McCain / Kerry
They all have such a nice familiar ring to them, don’t they? Instant acceptance.
Or try this one on:
McCain / Sorros
Yeah, that one grabs me.
Russell Crow! I just saw 3:10 to Yuma. Crow will get baked, romance evil-doers wives and then kick their asses all within 1 hour…
I like Josh (instead of Mccain) and I wouldn’t worry about the VP as fluff to seduce the principled non-liberals in the GOP.
Mac and Fred – my gosh – Obama could clean house at the debates merely by showing up with some defib paddles (and I’m older than both of them.)
Two words, one awesomeness:
Dean. Cain.
McCain/Cain ’08
“A Robot with Gatling Guns for Arms: Do I really have to explain this one? BTW, its eyes should glow red.”
That’s not the Terminator. That’s a Cylon.