The UK is on alert for racist toddlers. And not just the obvious racism like when a toddler sets fire to a cross on someone’s lawn, but the more hidden racism like when a toddler says “Yuk!” about foreign foods (my wife never lets me get away with such racism towards the food she makes and will throttle me greatly for any incidents). The question, of course, is how did England become filled with such racist toddlers?
I’m guessing it’s the crumpets. I know what you’re saying: “Of course! Crumpets! That’s explains everything!” But not so fast. It’s not just the crumpets. There is also the tea. My theory is that when you mix tea with crumpets, you create a erudite Archie Bunker. And children are getting access to tea and crumpets at increasingly earlier ages, hence the racist toddlers. This is an extreme detriment to England as it makes them hate their fellow man instead of their real enemy who aren’t even human: The Irish.
I agree with the National Children’s Bureau that it’s time to crack down on these snot-nosed racists. If you see a toddler say “Yuk!” about a food, you grab him by his shirt collar and shout, “Shut up, you little racist! I will murder you and mail your body parts back to your mother!” And be alert for other forms of racism, such as a toddler liking Elmo but not Grover saying, “Blue muppets smell.” You slap that little punk and tell him, “The only difference between red and blue muppets is the color they use to dye the felt! They’re all the same inside! And they all smell; that’s because of the glue they use in them.”
We have to stop racism one frightened child at a time.
I read this article yesterday and I had to double check to see if it was a joke. What is the world coming to? We HAVE to like everyone and can’t have individual tastes? Even in our food?
I have one kid that doesn’t like veggies..at all…does that mean he hates vegetarians? He likes his friend Zeb who is a vegetarian.
The other one doesn’t like pizza much, is he hostile towards Italians? His best friend is of Italian decent.
It’s just plain crazy talk! Sorry, no amuzing comments here, just my jaw on the floor in absolute bewilderment.
Wow. There needs to be some sort of award for policies this useful and insightful.
It is hard to take seriously the gastronomic opinions of children whose national heritage includes possibly the world’s worst cuisine. They aren’t racist – just genetically taste-challenged.
And it cuts both ways – you give any child outside of England a taste of Marmite or kidney pie and see what they have to say after they spit it back in your face.
Does hating kippers and black pudding make me racist? Certainly not. The fact that I think Englishmen are universally cold, imperious, drunken yobs with bad teeth does.
You have something against crumpets?
RACIST!!!!
Well, in light of this, I may have to begin pograms against onions, the nasty little things.
At least this explains the recent rash of babies born in England with full-blown toothbrush moustaches.
After dragging my son all over the city in a BALEd attempt to find a Wii Fit, he said “Da da I hate this.”
I stopped this blatant Racism right there. “Son! Not all Japanese are evil. There are some good Japanese in this world, like Rick Hunter, and Lucy Lu. It’s just the evil bastards at Nintendo who are trying to create a breakdown in American society by hording their products because we have better looking Japanese girls than they do.”
I explained that you have to have a soul to cast a shadow therefore it’s only okay to hate Japanese people who don’t have shadows because they work for Nintendo.
http://hotair.com/archives/2008/07/08/mccain-ad-love/
McCain hates hippies!
Wow. Just. Wow. Who needs The Onion when you can get articles like this from the “real media”.
So in other words, rugrats who won’t eat their vegetables are herbal-ists?
That article has got to be a joke. The sad part is that I wouldn’t be surprised if it were real.
And who the h-e-double hockey sticks is feeding spicy foods to toddlers anyway? That’s gotta be a form of child abuse.
Yep, lunatics have definitely taken over the asylum.
can’t spell ‘yuk’ without ‘uk’
or does that make me racist?
You know what this is going to do? It’s going to make toddlers aware that it’s people from other races and cultures who are forcing this yuk stuff on them.
Big mistake, Mother England, big mistake.
This article sent me into a harrumphing, tut-tutting conniption at the anti-English tone taken by the clearly knuckle-dragging Yankee who, clearly, has no appreciation for the fine delectibles contained in a splendid British repast.
As concerns Anglo-Saxon dentition, we take pride in maintaining as fine and elegant a shade of amber as Her Brittanic Majesty, Elizabeth II.
I suppose the brainwashing has to begin somewhere.
It’s time to build the Space Ark to save the bureaucrats from the Ravenous Giant Space Goat.
(The secret is to bang the rocks togeather, guys!).
To eliminate rascism, it is essential to eliminate all differences in color from birth. Several things must be accomplished.
1. Crayola must be destroyed as they are the first to manipulate young minds with the evils of color preference with their numerous crayon choices they seduce young children
2. We are an advance society when it comes to manipulating DNA and genetic coding – we can clone – we can make and use animal parts to fix the inferior human body, we can turn one sex into another as preferred, so…it is imperative that all offspring be fathered only by colored blind males. Only half their male offspring -the colored-blind gene carriers may live to reproduce.
3) Immediate institution in all nurseries (public and private) of the “Fairness in music” doctrine: where by minority racial music receives preference over any other. Children are to subjected to rap and hip hop before the age of two.
4. No pets may be allowed in children’s household as the pre-disposition youn children in the pre-toddler age to prefer one species over another cats and dogs over rattlers and scorpions)
5. Teachers, librarians, policepersons, school custodians, must be at least composed of 98% multiracial geneology, proofed by non-photoshopped birth certificated on the internet prior to hiring.
6. All obstetricians and pediatricians must wear multi-racial masks during any face to face encounters with pregnant woman (or men)
This should solve the problem unless some honkys get uppity!
#5 – Hey RL, did you mean pogroms or programs? Of course, pogroms may be considered programs, but I think they are usually not that well thought out.
Kill all the kids and racism will eventually vanish.
In the interim we will be spared education expense and child care expense.
The savings can buy us electric cars with one seat. They will emit no CO2.
Sex will be unnecessary.
Around 2130 the last one out should turn off the lights.
Great post except for the thing about the Irish. The Irish are awesome.