Frank on Science!: The Platypus
The closest thing there is in real life to an X-Man.
It would be weird enough as a duck-like, egg-laying mammal, but did you know the male platypus has a poisonous spur? That’s right, it’s also part scorpion. But that’s not even the weirdest part. It can use its bill to detect electrical signals. You get that? It’s a badger duck scorpion with built in radar. As is, it’s already qualified to enter Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, but further analysis of its genome shows it actually has genes previously thought to only exist in birds, amphibians, and fish. And it has ten sex chromosomes; Science! hasn’t even determined how it keeps things straight.
There are many evolutionary theories on the platypus, but the most popular are that it was made in a lab by a mad scientist or it crashed landed in some sort of spaceship. Science! will continue to keep a sharp eye on it, though, because if it evolves high-intelligence, it would probably be the doom of the human race… and one would just assume by that point it would also have developed the ability to shoot laser blasts from its eyes.
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October 30th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
It’s also part rat: http://www.didjshop.com/stories/platypus.html
October 30th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
I don’t know what the platypus said or did to God in the beginning, but he sure pissed Him off, didn’t he?
October 30th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
They’re like the hot dogs of the animal world.
October 30th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Platypus? Is that what happens when one crossbreeds a klingon and A-Rod?
Maybe Platypi are the only remnant of the Atlantis Public Option Health Care. It’s all that survived.
October 30th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
It may or may not show “intelligent” design but it certainly proves “hillarious design”. It also clearly proves that the creator is male and was clearly raised watching cartoons.
October 30th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
The platypus is yet another clear indication that hardcore liberals are inbreeding like rats. I mean, you can’t help but notice the striking similarity to Nancy Pelosi when you look at one of those things.
October 30th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
I always thought it proved creationism, it’s obviously baby Jesus’ first animal.
His second was the flying squirrel and that’s when God got fed up.
He already made bats so He didn’t need any more flying rodents, one type was creepy enough.
After that, God decided on the whole, “Die for their sins” thing to get him out of making stupid animals.
That learned Him.
October 30th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
I’m all fer most critters….but if I see this thing coming at me, I’m gonna empty a large clip of .44′s at him and run.
By the way…don’t most dangerous male species have stingers?
October 30th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
It’s a beaver designed by a Democratic Committee!
October 30th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
That doesn’t sound like Radar to me. It sounds like ESM. All I know about ESM is what I read in Clancy novels, but according to Biden’s standards that makes me an expert.
Regardless, if this thing has ESM then it has to be hiding other, more sophisticated technology. It probably has the passive sonar array from a 688(I) nuke boat.
October 30th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Isn’t it obvious? The Platypus is the result of a some geneticists attending a somewhat lame party in the future, who, an in attempt to entertain themselves, the got drunk, whipped up the animal in a test tube and then stuffed it into a time machine and chanted “take that Darwinists” as they pushed the button to send it into the past.
October 30th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Of course the Platypus has a poisonous spur – all Australians have them – it’s their basic 2nd Amendment right.
October 30th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
I wonder if platypus taste like chicken?
October 30th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
I wonder if the Dick Cheney Assassination Squad has recruited any platypus? Or perhaps Halliburton has been around longer than we know, and created the Platypus in it’s secret lab inside Ayers Rock.
October 30th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
It’s proof of Rastafarianism. God HAD to be smoking dope when he came up with that.
October 30th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Beer is proof God loves us, the Platypus is proof God has a sense of humor.
October 30th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
I love platypi.
It is a testimony to me that God has a sense of humor, as is the continued existence of those in power today. Can’t you just see it, a heavenly being comes to God with a bag of left over bits and says, “Lord, what do you want me to do with this stuff”. The Lord looks in the bag and says, “What do you think we can make out of these things. We’ve got a bill, webbed feet, fur, mammal parts………… surely we can come up with something interesting.”
Who needs evolution when you have platypi?
October 30th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
#9 – Greg,
that must be the same committee that met to design the horse and gave us the camel!
October 31st, 2009 at 12:08 am
More than an X-..er…-Man,
he’s the 007 of the animal kingdom
as seen here.
He’s a semi-aquatic egg layin’ mammal of action,
He’s a furry little flat foot who never flinched from a fray,
He’s got more than just mad skill,
He’s got a beaver tail and a bill,
And the women swoon whenever they hear him say….
November 1st, 2009 at 2:59 am
@Veeshir
i should add in that millipedes are like centipedes with armor, and have the ability to freaking THROW themselves (they do this every time i open the front door)
@saveacountryeatalib
dude, wtf, no way, the platypoose is mother freaking adorable, pelosi is a mutant with a mangled face (possibly obtained her horribleness from an accident similar to two face)
November 1st, 2009 at 8:06 pm
One day, just hanging around in heaven, God looked over at Jesus and said, “Hey, Jesus, watch this.” Then He plopped a platypus down in front of a bunch of evolutionists. Hilarity ensued.
November 1st, 2009 at 9:50 pm
God’s little surprise for the evolutionists. Absolutely hilarious – except that evolutionists have long evolved out of their sense of humor and don’t think it’s funny.
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:37 am
V’s comment is the funniest ever posted here. There should be a Stanley Cup name engraved for that one man, haha.