The Inexplicable Alan Grayson
So how do I parody this guy?
He basically called FOX News and the GOP enemies of America, peace, education, and everything good. How do can you even make that statement more extreme? It’s just so beyond the pale that you just can’t get angry. How can you possibly take that seriously? It’s like one of the trolls who comments obsessively to right-wing blogs became a Representative.
And the thing is, he’s in a district that leans Republican. Hasn’t anyone in the Democratic Party taken him aside and explained this to him?
DEMOCRAT: “You need to shut up, Grayson.”
GRAYSON: “But Republicans are evil. They want to kill people.”
DEMOCRAT: “Yeah, okay, but keep that to yourself. We need to keep your seat in 2010.”
GRAYSON: “Republicans are bad and hate puppies. I want to bite them.”
DEMOCRAT: “That rhetoric is not helpful.”
GRAYSON: “I think my toaster is a Republican. It was laughing at me. I smashed it good.”
DEMOCRAT: (shaking him) Shut up, you grinning idiot! Just shut up!
GRAYSON: “I make poopie!”
I don’t know where exactly the Democrats got this guy, but they should probably return him to his street corner so he can go back to shouting at birds.
(35 votes, average: 4.74 out of 5)
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October 22nd, 2009 at 2:09 pm
We should make him listen to all this music: http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2009/images/10/22/music.list.pdf
That will straighten him out….
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Yet another wackadoo to give the Pointing And Laughing Treatment.
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Haaaaang on just a moment. Did he just question someone’s patriotism?
Did he just question everyone who disagrees’ patriotism??
According to Hillary, NO ONE QUESTIONS MY PATRIOTISM!
(I can’t manage her strident tone, but the all-caps are close to irritating enough.)
Dissent is still patriotic, isn’t it? Then I’m as patriotic as they get! Even if I’m not GOP. This all reminds me of something I saw on a shirt once, a message I would like to convey (with self-censoring expurgation) to Grayson and every hypocritical nardbrain who dares to switch their precious values according to who’s in power:
F you, you F’ing F.
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Grayson: Those evil Republicans are rounding up all the sheep, goats, camels, and gerbils, and putting them in safe houses.
Democrat: Hmmm. This is serious. Can’t be all work and no play.
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:41 pm
How do you parody this guy? Just let him keep talking.
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:46 pm
(An account by Alan Grayson.)
I hate squirrels.
I was once on a vacation in Colonial Williamsburg. Virginia. In the fall. Pleasant weather.
The leaves were gone. Late November.
I was near the colonial jail. An exhibition.
I heard a chattering. A noise like that of a dog barking.
I looked.
It was a squirrel.
No, two.
No, four.
My God, the sound.
I laughed at him. He barked louder.
I screamed at him. He barked louder.
They were throwing acorns at me.
I climbed the tree.
I don’t like the mental hospital.
But at least the squirrels are gone.
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Did anybody hear about the website this idiot set up? Rightwingnews has the details. I laughed so hard. What an imbecile.
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:55 pm
He left out that the GOP invented asteroids, Darth Vader, Swine Flu (oh wait, Farhakahn exposed that one), earthquakes, world famine, arena football, fire ants, tonenail fungus, leprosy and a litany of other ills. They also stole his girlfriend in 7th grade.
frggin’ KOOOOOOOOOOOOK
October 22nd, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Finally, a Democrat with some spine. Grayson rocks! GOP are the party of Homo Ignoramus.
October 22nd, 2009 at 3:09 pm
He’s the gift that just keeps on giving.
October 22nd, 2009 at 3:13 pm
See, I thought it was you.
I was thinking that your “move” to Idaho was cover for your becoming a Dem congresscritter.
Oh well.
October 22nd, 2009 at 3:15 pm
All this talk of Republicans and conservatives and Fox News being the “Enemy” is straight out of ObaMao’s playbook.
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Grayson kind of reminds me of Frankenstein, but that would be an insult to old Frank.
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Frank, what you are failing to understand is that all the modern day Dems think like Grayson. Remember what they did to Leiberman?
That’s ok, though. This will be lesson 101 at joycamp.
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Creigh Deeds needs this guy to do commercials for him!
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Grayson is an idiot and looks kinda like what Guy Smiley from Sesame Street would look like if made flesh and retarded in the transformation process.
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Ok, Grayson rocks possibly in some weird parallel dimension, but who is this Democrat with a spine I heard about? If found he should be stuffed and placed in an exhibit in the Smythsonian as science has proven that spined Democrats have been extinct for years.
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:40 pm
So according to garp or snappy or who ever, grayson has a spine. He must have traded brains, sense, and hairstylist for it.
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Another question.
What kind of liberal douchebag did the republicans put against this butt pirate that the people elected this? How stupid are the people of that district?
Oh yeah it foor eee duh. nevermind
I think I may go sell bridges there.
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Against energy independence??? So….it’s republicans who’ve kept anyone from building a nuke plant for 30 years and stopped oil drilling basically everywhere….oh wait, that’s the democrats. Plus, I forgot, people like this think the way to “energy independence” is building windmills and those mean republican senators from MA won’t let them build them off Nantucket…oh wait. Well, at least he was right about wars, that republican Kennedy guy who started the Vietnam war, he was the worst, I hear he hated communists too.
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:02 pm
I think he’s been reading Frank J.’s Pajamas Media columns, and missed the little disclaimer at the end of the column.
Either that or he’s been listening to Scary Evil Monkey. ” Stoopid heelbillie neo con rethuglikin joos! I eet ur aye balls!”
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:22 pm
All right, the eyebrow arching really creeps me out. Last time I saw one eyebrow arched like that was a guy named Dr. Evil!
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Grayson, isn’t he The Boy Wonder, Batman’s sidekick? All those years of playing second fiddle to Batman finally drove him mad.
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:37 pm
This stupid human has no clue whatsoever what the “enemy” means. Although I hope he receives a abject lesson in the near future..
DEAD. MAN. WALKING.
October 23rd, 2009 at 12:44 am
According to Rep. Grayson, Republicans represent all that is evil and wrong with the world. The implication is that Democrats represent all that is good and nice. This is why Demcrats are no fun at parties.
October 23rd, 2009 at 1:57 am
Actually, I am in the district of this particular commicrat, and trust me it is NOT in any way shape or form conservative. Hell half of them don’t even speak English… at all. You all may as well get used to him, he is now entrenched, and is going nowhere. They will elect him for the rest of his life. (unless they decide he isn’t darkly skinned enough) Luckily, I don’t own any property here so I’m leaving. How does that line go? There goes the neighborhood. (I won’t actually state it here) Best of luck Orlando, you are going to need it. Galts Gulch is so very close to me now…
October 23rd, 2009 at 2:04 am
BTW, the music which was supposedly played to the prisoners at Gitmo, and is now being considered torture, I hear every day from every apartment, car, bar, 7-11 and elevator in this worthless town every day! America is lost, and there is no hope, find another place to live, you cannot bring America back, it’s too late.
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:53 am
Attention, Eric. Grayson has clearly begun to run for Senator Nelson’s seat. Are you willing to surrender all of Florida to the squirrels?
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:54 am
He reminds me of the bad guy in No Country For Old Men. All he needs is the 70s-do. As far as complete nutjob, he’s pat.
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:06 am
Homo Ignoramus? Isn’t he Barney Franks new significant other?
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:46 am
How do you parody him?
First, get a set of Hillbilly Teeth…
http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/ph/lead/images/cpsc/2008/HillbillyTeeth.jpg
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Living in orlando, i got to sit back at watch this punkass lie his way there
its was like watching the evil, land dwelling twins of sea monkeys, of whom im not sure what to call them, so for now, they will be known as “smurfs”