NEW YORK CITY (AP) – In an unexpected show of defiance against New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s proposed ban on the sale of sugary drinks in quantities over 16 ounces, thousands of protesters dumped soda into New York Harbor today, leading to hundreds of arrests.
Carrying signs with slogans such as “no limitation on my carbonation,” a throng of furious and mostly overweight demostrators gathered on the city’s docks to hurl the contents of half-gallon convenience-store cups into the Atlantic, carelessly threatening endangered fish with obesity and diabetes.
Mayor Bloomberg’s office was quick to issue a call for a show of reason and order from New York’s agitated and corpulent masses.
“We’re not taking away anybody’s right to do things,” Bloomberg said in defense of his draconian and poorly calculated cup-size restriction, “we’re simply forcing you to understand that you have to make the conscious decision to go from one cup to another cup. It’s not perfect, it’s not the only answer, it’s not the only cause of people being overweight – but we’ve got to do something. We have an obligation to warn you when things are not good for your health.”
Possibly harkening back to the original “Boston Tea Party” protest of 1773, many of the participants disguised themselves as Indians. Later investigation, however, showed that there were just a lot of 7-11 and Dunkin’ Donuts franchise owners present.
One pudgy protester said that, although he really hated to waste perfectly good soda, he felt compelled to express his displeasure at the Mayor’s plan through peaceful methods, although he did not rule out the possible use of more extreme measures in the future.
“We’re not taking away the Mayor’s right to pass laws,” he said, “we’re simply forcing him to understand that you have to make the conscious decision to screw with people’s freedom. This protest is not perfect, it’s not the only answer, it’s not the only way to battle nanny-state tyranny – but we’ve got to do something. We have an obligation to warn Mayor Bloomberg when he does things that are not good for his health.”
“If you know what I mean,” he added with a somber wink.
UPDATE: Linked by Manhattan Libertarian Party