Now that I’ve been blogging an entire decade, I feel I probably have some wisdom to pass on to other people who hope to start a blog or make theirs more successful. So here are some tips from me that will help you have a successful blog with a large audience — at least until blogging is completely outdated in a couple more years.
FRANK BLOGGING TIPS
1. Have something unique to say. There’s a lot of blogs out there, so make sure you have something different to say from everyone else so people have a reason to come to your blog. For instance, you could be the guy who, in reaction to political issues, is always recommending assassination. Or be the guy on hiding from federal authorities because of your talk of assassination. The idea is be different and interesting.
2. Get a catchy, easy to remember name. Make sure the name of your blog is easy to remember so people can keep finding it. Don’t — and I can’t stress this enough — just make it some seemly random string of letters.us.
3. Have a visually pleasing blog. Make sure you have some color scheme that’s pleasing to the eye, and a layout that is easy to follow. Actually, all this talk of style is kinda girly. Just throw up some colors and a few ads and get writing.
4. Post every day. If you want to build a readership, you need to give them a reason to come back constantly. Maybe even multiple times a day. Just write and write and write. It helps to be unemployed, so there are a lot of good potential bloggers out there right now.
5. Proofread. To make sure people take you seriously, you need to use proper grammar and spelling. So meticulously proofread each of your posts. After you write a post, let it sit at least an hour and then come back to it to read it over carefully. Then wait another hour… Know what? This is way too hard. Forget this one.
6. Engage your readership. To get a loyal readership, it helps to interact with them. A comment section is useful for this. The idea is to build a sense of community. And yes, they’ll probably all be annoying and you’ll hate them, but act nice to them and just vent about them behind their backs on Twitter.
7. Study more successful bloggers. To know how to be a good bloggers, it helps to carefully watch the habits of successful bloggers. Do all the research you can on them. If you can find where they live, rummage through their trash and follow them around. Hopefully you can find something to use to blackmail them to send links your way. Don’t just post the blackmail material on your blog, even if it’s something really juicy about puppies and a blender.
8. Get co-bloggers. Find people who write like you and invite them to write on your blog so you have more content. But don’t make the authorship of each post very obvious so people can mistake your co-bloggers for you. Eventually you can just stop writing entirely if this works well enough.
9. Avoid distractions. A wife and children are huge distractions to blogging; avoid them at all costs. I can’t stress this enough. Blogging is art, and like with all art, any sort of a fulfilling life will just get in the way.
10. Start your blog in 2002 or earlier. In 2002, most people didn’t even know what a blog was and there were a lot less of them giving you less competition for an audience. You didn’t even have to be very good to get readers; you just had to be there.
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UPDATE: Linked by Doug Ross
You forgot t-shirt babes….
if i do these things do i automatically get a t-shirt babe of my own, or is that an extra cost option?
jw – Being a blogger is a total chick-magnet occupation, so the t-shirt babe is pretty much a given.
“5. Proofread. ”
Good advice, Farnk.
What about spreading rumors that the most popular blogger blends puppies for smoothies (with “poorly Photoshopped evidence”).
I started a blog 11 days ago. Your advice couldn’t be more timely. How do I fudge the numbers so it looks like I started in 2002?
@Tim – that puppy blender wheeze may have worked way back when, but you need something more spectacular to make a splash on the interwebs these days.
I suggest you start a rumor that Barack Obama eats dogs.
Come up with wacky ideas and themes that provide endless callbacks for your commenters. This makes them feel witty and intelligent, and while this is generally not true, making readers feel intelligent is a key to return visits.
“And yes, they’ll probably all be annoying and you’ll hate them, but act nice to them and just vent about them behind their backs on Twitter.”
The most-followed Twitter accounts are currently Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber. I think you know what this proves. Yes, Twitter is still gay.
11. Don’t actually read your own blog. You wrote it, so why read it?
12. Use words in your articles that are banned by WordPress. This confuses commenters when they get moderated for doing it. Then you can appear magical and laugh at them.
13. If you need traffic, use words or phases popular with search engines, like… RON PAUL!
14. Be self-depreciating once and a while – unlike Frank who’s always a super awesome smarty pants who always thinks he’s better than fatty fatty fat fat.
15. Post a large, spikey “ban hammer” on your blog and threaten to use it after you write really controversial articles attracting lots of idiot trolls. This breeds commenter us-versus-them loyalty.
16. Various techniques for stimulating comments: have Cats, Irishmen, people who live in Minnesota or Pennsylvania and various other Critters comment often and start fighting amongst themselves. People love a good fight.
17. WOLVERINE!
@Jimmy: Do you have a blog we don’t know about? Your expertise is showing.
Sigh…I guess I’m never going to have a blog.
No, Burma, I’m blogless in Seattle (well, within a ferry ride of that idiot place – and I grew up there!).
I’m also womanless. Oh, the humanity!
Jimmy – a blog a girl for Frank…Frank! I expect you could get 2 or 3 if you had a blog.
Jimmy – a blog got a girl for Frank…Frank! I expect you could get 2 or 3 if you had a blog.
Note to self: see item #5.
Oooooh! Oooooh! DamnCat!
A girl!
#6: HEY!
Is there a rule about celebrating birthdays and anniversaries for weeks on end so you don’t have to come up with content?
(oh snap! sorry, that just jumped out)
KC – Now, now… to some of the newer Nukers, this IS new content.
Anyway, you be nice, or I’ll start re-posting old Simpsons trivia questions.
http://www.imao.us/archives/cat_simpsons_trivia.html