When I’m not at my regular 9 to 5 job, working on my blog, or engaged in my meager social life, I’m working on becoming a novelist.
I have a lot of work to do.
Anyway, I thought maybe I’d share more of my quest towards writing excellence and publication with you guys. In my writing group, we recently had an exercise where we each had to write a story that was exactly 500 words long (sans title). Here’s mine:
The Last Temptation of Doug
“Weird,” Doug observed as he scanned his surroundings. He couldn’t make out the walls or the ceiling; it was just all pure white. The only certain thing was the floor, a hard surface unblemished by his footprints.
Doug grimaced at a loud scraping sound and turned to see a man walking towards him dragging two wooden chairs. “Have a seat, Doug,” the man said as he unbuttoned his suit jacket and sat down.
“Where am I?” Doug asked as he sat also.
“Nowhere, really,” the man answered, “Anyway–”
“Where did you find these chairs?” Doug asked as he grabbed the backing and shook it.
“That’s not important,” the man said patiently but quickly, “What we are about to talk about has relevance to the rest of your eternal existence.”
A revelation struck Doug upside the head. “Oh man! I’m dead, aren’t I?”
“No– not at this moment.”
“You look familiar,” Doug said, “Do I know you?”
The man’s smile made Doug shudder. “I’m sure we’ve met before, but you probably don’t remember me. As I was saying, our time is short; currently you’re unconscious due to the carbon monoxide in your apartment, but soon you will asphyxiate.”
“As– phi– wha?”
“Suffocate,” the man said.
“But I have carbon monoxide detectors!” Doug protested.
“Those are just smoke detectors, Doug.”
Panic flared through Doug. “Wake up!” he shouted into the air.
The man grabbed Doug by his head and stared him straight in the eyes. “You’re going to die, Doug; nothing can change that now. Your mortal life is ending; we need to talk about your eternal one.”
“Who are you?”
The man settled back in his chair and adjusted his tie. “I go by many names–”
Doug chewed on that for a moment. “Would one of those happen to be– Satan?”
The man shrugged. “Well–”
In a blink of an eye, Doug was on his feet and holding his chair above his head. “You’re not taking me to hell, Satan! I just made a donation to the Salvation Army, goddammit!”
Lucifer didn’t move. “Calm down, Doug. I’m not taking you to hell. The determination of that will be your final judgment–”
“My judgment!” Doug exclaimed. He didn’t think it would go over well that, right before meeting God, he was talking to Satan. “He came to me; not me to him!” Doug shouted into the air. He then dropped the chair he was holding. “See, I’m not even touching his evil chair!”
“You have free will,” Lucifer said as he stood up and buttoned his suit jacket, “You can hear me out. As you can tell from your own reaction, I’m fighting quite an uphill battle in the propaganda wars. What I just want to tell you my side before you leave the mortal realm. My story is of an epic battle of rebellion against a tyrannical and powerful force. He wants you to be His mindless sheep, while I–” Lucifer then glanced at his watch. “Christ. We’re out of time.”
nice
I’m on the edge of my seat… I need more, dammit!
Wonderful. Like Taron, I’m on the edge of my seat. Come on, please do share more!!
BTW, Don’t let this keep you from our daily fix of coffee spewing madness!!
When faced with powerful extradimensional creatures I always go for the chair-smash myself; in matters of spirit I prefer a stand up fight. If I’m getting drug off to some horrible netherworld I don’t want a lot of philosophical yadda-yadda-yadda.
You want my soul? Come get it.
S
satan being Chair-italbe? naaaaa.
(Great story btw)
Wow, that was great. The premise wasn’t all too original; there are many that have pondered Satan’s point of view in the eternal battle. The actual setting was awesome. Never would of thought that Satan would (non-covertly or without disguise) meet with one before facing God’s judgement.
In closing, thanks, Frank.
Nice. I was expecting suitman to be God, but making him Satan is so much cooler. And this:
“I’m fighting quite an uphill battle in the propaganda wars. What I just want to tell you my side before you leave the mortal realm. My story is of an epic battle of rebellion against a tyrannical and powerful force. He wants you to be His mindless sheep, while I–” Lucifer then glanced at his watch. “Christ. We’re out of time.”
Was precious.
Good job, Frank.
a;sldkfj,
CS
Good job actually fitting a meaningful story into 500 words. You always seem to find the perfect balance between humor and a serious moral or philosophical point. I post this here…but I’ve been reading your site regularly for a few months and find this to be the case in just about everything you write. This particular story seemed much too brief, but that of course is to be expected when creative ideas are forcibly constrained w/in a certain number of words.
Keep up the good work,
Monica
Satan: “Perhaps you’re familiar with one of my minion, Ted Rall?”
Lucifer then glanced at his watch. “Christ. We’re out of time.”
This slays me.
Interesting. I hope you’ll share more of your work.
First of all, you have a social life (albeit meager)?? 😛
But great story, I look forward to reading more like it.
Dude, you have definately gotten better since you posted your novel.
Way to improve the description and suchlike.
is it wrong that i giggled at the words i could tell were in there just to get you to the 500 word quota?
funny story.
DO’H! You should have warned us, Frank. I could have posted this before you started.
http://www.totse.com/en/ego/science_fiction/writtips.html
White Room Syndrome
Author’s imagination fails to provide details. Most common in
the beginning of a story. “She awoke in a white room.” The white
room is obviously the white piece of paper confronting the author.
The character has just woken up in order to be starting fresh, like
the author. Often in order to ponder her circumstances and provide an
excuse for Info Dump (see below).
Read the rest before it’s too late.
I had legitimate reasons for a white room.
More later, but I like it so far.
Have you read the book “The First Five Pages”? I’ve found it quite useful in my writing…
Orion
Hey, as long as you finish it, we’re good. Interesting premise, to be sure, but it’s not much of a story.
It’s just a five hundred word exercise (but I think it was a thousand word story). It’s done. No finishing.
AHHHHHHH FINISH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Smacks of Anne Rice’s “Memnoch the Devil”. A bit wordy. Could use some editing, perhaps a 10% cut (see King’s “On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft”). But that’s just me, being critical. Hey, you asked!