Little Timmy, a Junior from XHS, writes:
Frank, I’ve been a fan for quite a while, and thus I expect you to repay my readership with much-needed advice. This Saturday (15 Oct 2004) John Kerry (that guy who thinks he’s better then our great leader GWB) is going to be holding a town hall style convention at Xenia High School…that’s MY school! Most of the students here are Republican and hate this wiener Kerry (I hear he may have served in some war) and want him to leave us be, but we don’t know what to do. How can a bunch of high school kids get rid of such a wanker without being shot by the Secret Service? Please help! And go Bucs!
First off, you owe me for writing free stuff for you, not the other way around.
Second, why did people name a high school after a warrior princess?
Thirdly, onto your question…
Don’t try to keep Kerry from speaking like freedom hating “liberals,” instead, use his appearance against him. Maybe get some ribbons from a military surplus store and throw them around while he speaks. Hold up signs with such things on them as “Remember to Tell Us that One About Christmas in Cambodia.” Or, if there are question, ask if his statement of principle could come with an expiration date to help inform voters. Or, claim that you were a Vietnam P.O.W. who was tortured using Kerry’s statements and it was seared – seared – in your memory (have him prove you weren’t in Vietnam). If any of this makes him angry, ask if you can have a summit to settle your differences.
These are my suggestions for little Timmy; what do you think?
I like the ribbon throwing, but you could also have signs with “Genocide: also a nusance.” or even pictures of Kerry in the bunny suit or the infamous tarmac pic. Better yet, a picture of the senate building with “AWOL 20 years!” in big red letters.
What do I think? I think you have an evil sense of humour, and I think I like it. I knew there was some reason I kept reading this site…
Little Timmy: If you’re going to organize other students (which would be better than going it alone), be careful not to let the teachers know what you’re planning, or that you’re planning anything at all. You see, the public school teachers union likes to suppress independant, non-Kerry thought, and if they find out that you’re planning on asking Kerry, “In the interests of honest campaigning, will your next statement about your principles come with an expiration date?” they’ll lock you in the mop closet.
So just be careful.
A bucket of blood hanging from the ceiling above him is always good for a laugh.
I could wait for him in the podium!
Fill out a copy of Form 180 (you can download the pdf here), leaving only the signature blank. Make hundreds of copies and pass them out. Get everyone to wave them at him and demand that he sign it and release his military records, like he promised to do.
Get in the ropeline to shake his hand, and then kick him in the nads. Hey, you’re a minor right? They can only put you away until you’re 18. Take one for the team Timmy.
Ask him if the Global Test is multiple choice or short answer; we wouldn’t want to be caught without a scan-tron sheet or blue book the next time we have to ask permission to defend ourselves.
S
Timmy – as a mom I tell you to do nothing disrespectful, but go to your local republican headquarters and obtain George Bush buttons and signs and hold them up during Kerry’s speech. Get as close to the cameras as possible and say things like “Kerry betrayed his fellow soldiers during a war” “Kerry called our president a liar during a time of war” “What’s your tax rate Kerry?” “Can we get a copy of the Global Test?”…and a youthful favorite…”Kerry you suck!”…oh…and moon him (wait…that might be disrespectful)…
Dear Frank,
How do you type with boxing gloves on your hands…
Laurence,
LOL.
I think your sending that question to the wrong person…
Ha, Laurence! You’re right, the Question of the Day is much like the weekly Strong Bad email.
http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail63.html
HAHAHAHA Sticky B – you owe me a new keyboard. Blew coffee thru my nose reading your comment!!!
Timmy, I like Shell’s idea. Bring 100s of 180s. Make sure somebody has a camera.
How about getting a bunch of students to wear commando hats like the the one given to Kerry by a Special Ops guy back in Cambodia (uh…nevermind)? And if you can ask him a question, ask him this. “Senator, when you invaded Boston Harbor during your ferry ride at the DNC convention, was it a symbol of Democrat opression over the people of Massachusetts or a covert illegal invasion of New Hampshire?”
Appear to be nice and act like you’re listening to what he has to say. That way, he’ll call on you for a question because he’ll think you’re on his side. Then ask him why he hasn’t completed his Form 180 (like shell said) and released his medical records. If he starts saying some crap, say that “G.W. Bush already released all of his Nat’l Guard documents. It would only be fair for the American people to know the truth about BOTH candidates.”
Or ask him what he would say if he was face-to-face with one of the POWs who suffered torture with the aid of Kerry’s Congressional testimony.
Stick ‘im, Timmy!
Follow up:
“Have you ever been to New Hampshire Senator?”
Timmy,
StickyB was right on. I would, however, get one of your grungey, dope smoking, skate-boarder friends to kick him in the nads. Tell him “It’s for America’s Funniest Home Video” or some reality program like Jackass.
If sKerry hangs around after that, you can then nail him with the DoD Form 180, or expiration date question.
“Senator Kerry are you aware that the city of Santa Fe, New Mexico, has a ban on the use of cell phones while operating a vehicle?”
*Note: pic of Kerry on his K-Mart bike won’t be around forever.
Obviously this is very important. We need to let our young people know that our ability to debate, to see things differently, makes us stronger.
The most important question to ask Kerry is if he has a plan. Say, “Senator Kerry, do you have a plan? Because we students here feel it is critical to have a plan if you are the president.”
Let’s see if he can handle the white hot spotlight of hardball questions like that!!!
Then ask him where the plan is. Does he have it saved where the inmates kept them in “Papillon”?
That is one thing I don’t get, why Xenia? Yellow Springs is the next city over, and Kerry would feel right at home around Antioch College (Driving past the Colleges dorms can get you high).
Ahh, skip all that nam crap. Ask him something like, “how would sanctions have kept more kurds out of mass graves?” or “Why do you keep suggesting we cozy up to nations and bodies that were taking bribes from Sadaam?” or even, “why do you and you campaign flog all the lameass Michael Moore rumors like ‘Bush wasted time in a classroom on 9/11’ or ‘Bush and the Saudis are to blame.’ or ‘froth froth Halliburton! dribble dribble froth.'”
Or better yet;
“Could you have Theresa give us a 20 minute dissertation on honor and courage?”
She can scare even hippies into voting Bush.
That would almost to funny to watch. But I particularly like the kickin in the nads one
Either way dude, let Frank know what happens. Don’t leave us hanging, if something occurs, and it doesn’t make Drudge, MSM, etc. Enquiring minds want to KNOW…
As a fellow high school student, I support your cause.
Bring flip-flops! Wear orange paint!
As a former prisoner of XHS, I can understand how he got invited to speak there, some of those teachers are really Liberal. I am just glad I got out of there before old Botox face got there.
There are only two roads out of the school parking lot. Set up a few protests out there, He will have to drive by & see your opinion.
Have fun, too bad I can’t get free to come back & enjoy the fun.
Hint: this is a dramatic reenactment of one of his Purple Hearts. He threw a grenade in a cache of VC rice and forgot to duck. Hail to the chef!
Many times at these events, you are unable to bring banners, signs, rocks, weapons, etc. but here is an idea.
Hey guys, thanks for all the suggestions. So far I’ve gotten a bunch of the houses along the route to the high school to allow us to put Bush/Cheney ’04 in their yards because they don’t hate America. I’m also thinking I need to go pep rally style: painted face with torn shirt sporting the big W on the back, then I’ll yell for our football team to tear it up (even though we’re out of the playoffs). I hate him most for the inevitable traffic mess he’s going to create. That wanker!
Oh…and Frank, Xenia is Greek for hospitality. We get the warrior princess thing a lot.
Go Buccaneer swimming!
Here’s the story:
http://xeniagazette.1upsoftware.com/main.asp?SectionID=2&SubSectionID=4&ArticleID=143327
We hate you, John Kerry! Go back to Nam!
Well guy if you get a chance to ask him a question, ask him what color the Senate restroom is. Then ask him if we can use notes for his Global Test. Oh and how much of our final Grade this will count for.
Ask him if 20 years as a Senator is as seared…seared in to his momory as his 4 1/2 months of killing and raping babies in Cambodia is.
Woulddn’t a Global pop quiz be enough be enough for invading Iran? Then with out thinking how many plans does he have.
This is VERY important – is the poodle going to be there on Friday the 15th or Saturday the 16th???? You see – if you show up on the wrong day none of these fine plans will work.
You people are so juvenile. Eveyone knows that the only way to make a mind-changing impression on a politician is with adult arguments (or lots of $$$).
So, any time Mr. Kerry mentions a Plan, you all say, in unison, “The plan! The Plan!”
Sheesh. You righties…
nan – Saturday 16 October. My fault in the original question.