I think I had a good point yesterday: What are the presidential candidates’ plans for handling Godzilla?
Now, I don’t believe Godzilla exists, but if he does and we aren’t prepared, he could destroy a city. That’s why I hope the government has some sort of plan to handle a general city-destroying monster threat if not a specific Godzilla threat. Off the top of my head, I’d have helicopters ready filled with giant metal ball bearing to drop in front of Godzilla and trip him up. Then we’d just bomb the crap out of him when he’s down.
Of course, if they have some super soldier with robot armor who can grow in size and kung fu fight Godzilla, that would be best. Are any of our defense researchers looking into that? If not, someone should get fired.
I guess we’ll have to hope a giant city-destroying monster first attacks a city in Mexico giving us time to prepare before it attacks something valuable. Man, that would be hilarious.
MEXICO: “A monster is attacking us!”
AMERICA: “You mean it walked right over your borders like they weren’t even there?”
MEXICO: “It’s fifty stories tall, breathes fire, and…”
AMERICA: “Whoa, wait a sec. I’m still caught up on how it actually walked right over your border without permission. Doesn’t it understand the principles of sovereignty?”
MEXICO: “We have to stop it!”
AMERICA: “Let’s not be hasty here. Are you sure it’s not just there to do the jobs non-monsters won’t?”
MEXICO: “…”
MEXICO: “I get where this is going, but could we have this discussion later?”
AMERICA: “Eh, okay. F-15s are on their way.”
I think ever since we had cities with skyscrapers we’ve feared giant monsters that would just come over and knock everything down, probably because that’s exactly what we’d do if we were that size.
I miss playing with blocks.
I still play with blocks. You are never too old for toys.
We should not automatically attack Godzilla even if he attacks us. We should try to negotiate with him. I would send in the crack team of Jimmy Catuh, Algore, Madeline Albright and Janet Reno. Maybe slather them in A-1 first? If that failed we could suggest that he only destroy certain cities–San Francisco, Berkely, Boulder, Madison, Hanoi and Peking come to mind. We could tell him that the United Nations building is really a cleverly disguised ice cream sandwich which would cool his throat. The possibilities are endless, really. If he wouldn’t go along we could knock him out with drugs and drop him on North Korea.
You either stand with us, or with the terr-, er, Godzilla.
I like where fishlaw is going with this. Screw nukes. Imagine being able to lead Godzilla to JUST the right place and let him play for a few hours. And OH the deniability!
“Monster? I know nothing of this ‘monster’ you speak of…”
fishlaw – you negotiation proposal has definite merit – but is too unilateral – we must involve leaders from other nations and organizations.
I suggest such distinguished statesmen as Hugo Chavez, Kim Jung Il, Vladimir Putin, Robert Mugabe, and Bashar Assad. Also, members of some of the better known peace activist NGOs like Code Pink and MoveOn.org.
If we can get all these people together in a room with Godzilla the world will surely be a better, more peaceful place. That’s my Christmas wish.
fishlaw –
Good choices, all. All of us, I’m sure, have other induhviduals and locations that we would like to add (mine would include both US senators from California, both from Massachusetts, and both from New York, plus Ann Arbor as a location), but I don’t think that anybody here would want to delete any of your choices, unless, of course, Sarcasm Girl returns.
Nobody has taken into account the fact that Godzilla is obviously an endangered species! If he attacks a city, we have to ensure that the current homeowners (aka future pile-of-rubble owners) provide adequate habitat for Godzilla, or however much of Godzilla fits on top of their homes. Further, we must ensure that any development, construction, commerce, and of course fun will never occur in areas that have been recognized as “Godzilla habitat”. Failure to do so would result in hefty fines and imprisonment, providing a prison that Godzilla has not destroyed could be found.
Why is everybody dumping on Godzilla? So, he might have had a couple of bad days, but he’s done a lot of good too.
Who was it who fought King Ghidorah? Megalon? The Smog Monster? Matthew Broderick?
That’s right -Godzilla!
And on top of that, he also wants to save you money on car insurance. (presumably to cover the damage he did)
2,5,7 all very good.
6 – there are no skyscrapers in ann arbor. Jim Tressel already knocked them all down.
So, what we really want to know is — How do you establish a coalition of the righteous willing to negotiate with an endangered, but dangerous, monster in a feeding frenzy?
flash some lights and sound a siren
Frank – you can still play with blocks. just shoot them down when you’re done.
let me fix the last two lines for ya:
MEXICO: “øConsigo donde esto va, pero podrí amos tener nosotros esta discusión posterior”?
AMERICA: “Arrepentido, yo no hablo español. “
I fully support the idea of somehow getting Godzilla to Ann Arbor. This has less to do with the politics of the state run institution in the city than the fact I’m from Columbus,OH. I say we appease Godzilla with San Franscisco of course this will only embolden him so we could give him Boston as well. I figure sooner or later we’ll get tired of him so we’ll just release Fred Thompson on him and that will be the end of the problem. Wait, I just implied we could hold back Fred Thompson. There may be a problem with this plan. What does Cave Troll think? Or is he still having trouble with Hobbits?
fishlaw, the only problem with that is if you slather Jimmah, Albright, Reno, and Algore with A-1, Algore’s the only one that’ll be left by the time they reach Godzilla.
Developing giant combat robots is not enough. We need a class of confused and reluctant teenagers to pilot these robots, along with arrogent and elderly backup trainers who won’t ever actually step foot in the robots themselves.
Clearly we lag far behind Japan in this area. Their stock of emo teenage robot otoku is far greater then our own, even though they are a puny country in the middle of a Godzilla infested zone.
Re: #13
Yes but it will be a bigger and fatter AlGore…
…sort of like Michael Moore without the foul smell.