Ronin Profile: Abigail

Abigail

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Abigail.


What’s the story behind your name? My real name actually is Abigail. I’m named after both my great aunt and my mother. No special story to that, but I used to comment here under the pseudonym “SilverBubble”, which was a name randomly generated by a gaming site because I needed a screenname. I stuck with it for a while, but it’s since been retired.
Where do you live? Lock Haven, Pennsylvania. I go to the university here, though I’m originally from Jersey Shore (not NJ; a town in Pennsylvania).
How old are you? Sweet, sweet 21! Finally, I can own a handgun! I don’t drink, so 21 is no big deal in that regard, but I’ve been looking forward to obtaining my mother’s S&W Model 36 Lady Smith (.38 Special) since I first learned of its existence.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I fell in love with the internets at age 13 when I got my first computer. Now you’d have to drag me away kicking and screaming from my laptop (I can usually be found either reading blogs or playing World of Warcraft). I go to a Pentecostal church here in town (it’s the only thing for which I willingly leave the aforementioned laptop) (Jesus > (everything else)(infinity)). I’m probably the only girl on campus who is a registered Republican. I’m an English Lit. major, which means I’ll never get a job in my field. I love to hunt and shoot. Squirrel hunting is my favorite – just me and my Model 69 Winchester .22 out in the woods, dropping those gray furry-tailed rodents when they hold still a second too long… ah, Paradise!
How long have you been reading IMAO? My earliest comment under SilverBubble that I’ve found in my brief search is from 9/11/05, though I know I’ve been reading longer than that. Regardless, it’s been a while.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? “In My World: Rumsfeld Wants Talks with North Korean Leader” — every time I think of the line, “Kill us! Kill us horribly!” I crack up. That happens a lot.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Crazy Sexy Cool
What’s your favorite political issue? It’s a toss-up between Second Amendment rights and abortion. The first angers me and the second grieves me, so it’s a question of which emotion is worse, rage or sorrow. Other issues of interest are gay marriage, stupid Commies ruining everything, and how crappy/liberal modern American education is.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. My old blog is dead and gone, so I have created a new one that is much better — Utter Nonsense (http://www.jc4e.com/blog). I try to post consistently, but that doesn’t really happen.
If you had to elect one of the Beatles to be president, who would it be and why? John Lennon, because the stupid Commie is dead and we could quickly move on to a better president, like Fred! Thompson.


To be in the running for this, make sure you commented in the last post asking for entrants. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Send Socialism Back to the Stone Age

France is actually ordering Amazon.com to stop offering free shipping because their crazy socialist policies makes them fear discounts like molemen fear the sun. That’s what happens when you have the government set economics: It can’t adapt to change and causes the country to be like a bunch of frick’n cavemen. Why don’t they just get rid of the internet in France so it stops messing up their miserable structured ways? Why try and improve things in the country anyway when the “youths” will probably just burn everything?
This is why I’ve always said that if you find out someone is a socialist, you kill him immediately. We can’t let this sort of thing take root here. If socialists take over, think of how much ammo will cost. Then we’ll never be able to fix things.

War on Science?

Hillary says she wants to end “Bush’s war on science.” There’s a war on science now? When did I miss that?
Really, who is dumb enough to believe that crap? Probably people too stupid to understand science.

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgRather than by color, John Edwards arranges his tie collection by “glamtasticness”.
Bonus Fact from Silicon Valley Jim
If John Edwards is elected President, he will have the White House moved to the Castro district of San Francisco, giving a whole new meaning to the phrase “seat of government.”

Democrat Debate

I’m watching the Democrat debate and I just realized something: I don’t like Democrats. Their solution for everything seems to be to tax the rich. Yes, every problem in America could be solved if they could just tax the rich more. Those evil rich wanting to keep something fraction of the money they earn! ::shakes fist::
If you want my advice, I say in the upcoming presidential election we should not elect a Democrat. Also, anyone worrying that other Americans have too much money should be shot in the face. Why don’t you stop worrying about other people’s incomes and instead worry about how I just shot you in the face.

An Overlooked Domestic Threat

I think I had a good point yesterday: What are the presidential candidates’ plans for handling Godzilla?
Now, I don’t believe Godzilla exists, but if he does and we aren’t prepared, he could destroy a city. That’s why I hope the government has some sort of plan to handle a general city-destroying monster threat if not a specific Godzilla threat. Off the top of my head, I’d have helicopters ready filled with giant metal ball bearing to drop in front of Godzilla and trip him up. Then we’d just bomb the crap out of him when he’s down.
Of course, if they have some super soldier with robot armor who can grow in size and kung fu fight Godzilla, that would be best. Are any of our defense researchers looking into that? If not, someone should get fired.
I guess we’ll have to hope a giant city-destroying monster first attacks a city in Mexico giving us time to prepare before it attacks something valuable. Man, that would be hilarious.
MEXICO: “A monster is attacking us!”
AMERICA: “You mean it walked right over your borders like they weren’t even there?”
MEXICO: “It’s fifty stories tall, breathes fire, and…”
AMERICA: “Whoa, wait a sec. I’m still caught up on how it actually walked right over your border without permission. Doesn’t it understand the principles of sovereignty?”
MEXICO: “We have to stop it!”
AMERICA: “Let’s not be hasty here. Are you sure it’s not just there to do the jobs non-monsters won’t?”
MEXICO: “…”
MEXICO: “I get where this is going, but could we have this discussion later?”
AMERICA: “Eh, okay. F-15s are on their way.”
I think ever since we had cities with skyscrapers we’ve feared giant monsters that would just come over and knock everything down, probably because that’s exactly what we’d do if we were that size.
I miss playing with blocks.

Muslim Attacks Americans On Subway for Poor Jew-Hating Skills

NEW YORK (AP) – A Muslim man jumped to the aid of three Jewish subway riders after they were attacked by a group of young people who objected to one of the Jews saying “Happy Hanukkah,”.
Friday’s altercation on the Q train began when somebody yelled out “Merry Christmas,” to which rider Walter Adler responded, “Happy Hanukkah”.

“I deride your Jew-hating ability!”

“Almost immediately, you see the look in this guy’s face like I’ve called his mother something,” said Adler.
One member of the group allegedly yelled, “Oh, Hanukkah. That’s the day that the Jews killed Jesus”.
When Adler tried to calm the growing fracas, a male member of the group punched him.
Another passenger, Hassan Askari — a Muslim student from Bangladesh — immediately began to berate the group, pummeling them with his fists and insulting them. “How dare you hate on this Jew! That is solely the right of Allah’s chosen people! Foul infidels, you are not worthy to feel contempt for this offspring of pigs and monkeys! You should be trying to push him into the sea, not hurt his feelings! I spit on you and jihad in your general direction!”.
“You insult one stupid little Jew holiday and call that Jew-hating?,” continued Askari. “You couldn’t hate a Jew on the Jew-hatingest day of your life if you had an electrified Jew-hating machine! I could hate more Jews in five minutes than you could in your entire lifetime. And speaking of five minutes, that’s how long it’s been since I finished riding your mother, who – by the way – confided in me at the height of passion that she’s deeply disappointed by your bumbling and grotesquely inept Jew-hating.”
Verbally outgunned, the youngsters started crying and mumbling “stupid raghead”.
“Brilliant sonnet, Shakespeare, Looks like you couldn’t Muslim-hate your way out of a wet paper bag if you were riding shotgun on a Hellfire missile with Norman Schwarzkopf, either,” concluded Askari, leaving the weeping & deflated youths to find easier targets to abuse, like Mormons and the homeless.

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

When Fred Thompson leaves his house, he doesn’t lock his door. Criminals lock their doors.