Stealing the Election

So how are our plans going for stealing this election?

I had an idea. On election day, we set up voting simulators. Looks just like a real polling place and operates just like one, but it’s all for fun? There’s nothing wrong with that, right? If a few people weren’t paying attention and thought they were actually voting, how is that our fault?

Do you think people will get suspicious when we charge for admission?

37 Comments

  1. I followed a link from the MSN homepage to The Root, where an African-American was ranting about how all of the Republicans were trying to keep black people from voting by having everybody prove that they live in the districts they say they do. They particularly mentioned the voter ID law in my own state of Indiana. They claim that free state ID’s keep poor people from voting. Which is to say Indiana is doing her part to steal the election. How ’bout the other 49?

  2. Our plan in a state I’m not allowed to mention (it sounds kind of like “Fruitah”) is to open the polls on a specific date in November – possibly a Tuesday towards the beginning of the month. We then allow everybody to cast a ballot that is legally able to. We then steal the election by the simplest possible method – we COUNT ALL THE VOTES!!! I think this evil scheme would export well to other states. If anybody wants the details, they can contact me with a shoebox full of cash.

  3. I’m sorry, could someone get me the notes from that meeting, I wasn’t able to attend. I was at the monthly “Let’s Keep Black People Down” meeting. Frankly, I was surprised they scheduled them both on the same day.

  4. I’m putting up flyers for a phony marijuana giveaway, free abortion clinic, preschool sex education class and carbon sequestering seminar on election day to suppress the doper/baby-hater/sex-obsessed/ecotard vote.

  5. We’re getting the same stupid complaints in AZ about needing to prove you are a Legal Citizen to vote. It’s being called Racist. Apparently, we are just supposed to take someone’s word for it that they are actually constitutionally allowed to vote.

    AZ is stealing the election by making people prove they actually have the right to. It’s discriminatory against the poor as well, as that $4.00 ID is prohibitively expensive to the homies on the dole. It cuts into their Malt Liquor, Cable, Internet, Cell phone, pay-per-view, Nike Sneaker fund. Because, after spending the welfare check on making sure that one is “laying one’s game quite flat”, that $4.00 is just way too damned much to ask.

  6. As a proud member of the Vast Right Wing and Zionist Conspiracy and The Karl Rove Admiration Society, I can assure you all that all voting machines in Florida have been rigged. Every one who votes Obama will receive a massive and fatal electrical shock and their vote counted for McCain. All who vote for McCain will have their vote counted for McCain and receive a free “I voted for the Hero instead of The Zero” t-shirt. Your vast Right Wingand Zionist Consprcy membership dollars at work. That is all.

  7. I wish my state of Oregon was stealing the election instead of giving it away…
    A few years ago the state created the option of Vote-by-Mail. Then they went exclusively to Vote-by-Mail. Then they added Register-by-Mail.

    So, I can fill out a registration form in my name at my address, receive a ballot and vote. I can also register as Hector Ramirez and list my work address and get another ballot and vote. If I feel extra frisky, I can register again as Mahmoud Achmadinejad at my home address and vote a third time. The completed ballot goes in a blank secrecy envelope which goes into another envelope that requires a signature. The only security is whether the signature on the envelope matches the signature on the voter registration. Since it is all in my handwriting, of course it will match. At no point in this process am I required to present picture ID or appear in person to verify my identity.

    I am not kidding. ACORN looks like choir boys compared to how we do things around here.

  8. I’ve purchased a new black ski mask and filed off my fingerprints. I’ve also memorized the names, addresses, and birthdays of all my liberal neighbors, seeing as how that’s all you need to vote in my district. My backup plan: announce: “I’d like to vote for Obama again.” and watch another ballot instantly materialize in my hands.

  9. First we need to get the WEtards to do some kind of “dont drive your car today” promotion to happen on election day. That would keep a whole bunch of Obamaites at home AND if they did make it to the ballot box, we could send them home for their ID, then when they got back, they’d be so tired and thirsty we could give them special Republican Kool Aid (given from a big vat, not those nasty bottles that litter the earth). Then they could take a little nap (we will have cots set up in rows just like day care). If any of them woke up, we could go ahead and let them vote but so long as they were still a bit grogy and under the influence of the Republican Kool Aid.

  10. Why not just get a bunch of old buses, paint them up to say “Official Voter Transportation,” put a lot of Obama stickers on them, and when they’re full, drive to Biloxi, give the folks on board all a handful of nickles, and send them to the nickle slots at the casinos?

  11. As the apparent lone Conservative in a city with 3 syllables (starts with the sound “sh” as in poo, has half of “ca-ca” – real poo! – in the middle, and ends in “go” – again, a poo-like connotation… ), I volunteer to direct the libtards to my new, shiny, green voting locale.

    There will be no American flags; no little ol’ ladies scrutinizing handwriting (or harrumphing at women with different last names than their spouses); no handsome men in uniform; no McPalin signs; no service star lapel pins; no moose; no smiling faces; no guns; and definitely no pesky patriots.

    Entranced, the libs will enter, bowing to a life-sized cardboard cutout of Mother Gaia and picking up their “government” freebie of pork rinds ensconced in urugula. We’ll also have the Emmy and MTV Awards on constant rotation. Then they can donate to a Carbon Offset plan prior to voting for their messiah, the only name on the ticket. They’ll fall for it, for sure, because BHusseinO has proven they’ll fall for anything.

    And what I do with those votes will be our little secret.

  12. After all it’s not like we’re going to steal dead people’s identities or round up a bunch of illegals to vote or vote several times ourselves. That’s been done to death, don’cha think? Time for something new, something fresh, something innovative. Maybe one person, one vote? I know, I know it’s too …….radical, too off the wall, too out there.

  13. Monkey Faced Liberal is such a cute little ball of fluff. Of course he/she doesn’t have any brains in what ever he/she’s using for a head this week, a bucket, a cotton ball, the head of a pin, could be anything, but that has never stopped s/him from posting before. Monkey what say you go back into the jungle, watch some America’s Next Top Model, eat some arrugla with ants, and walk the Poodle. Kay :’ (

  14. How to keep the libs away from the polls:

    1) Arrange for the election to occur on the same day welfare checks are delivered, then don;t deliver the welfare checks until the polls close. Knowing those people, they’ll sit on the couch, tapping their toe and glancing at their watch every 30 seconds until their check is delivered. That’s about half of the Obama vote right there.

    2) HAve MTV run a marathon of programs on body piercing, tribal tattooing, bong construction and pro-9/11 conspiracies. 2/3rds taken care of.

    3) Everyone stop by the DMV and Home Depot, pick up every illegal alien, and keep them working until the polls close. 3/4 of the Obama vote gone.

    4) Have the military paint all their helicopters black and have them fly constantly over cities all day long on election day. In conjunction, have all the jets de-tuned so the engines smoke, and appear to be spreading chem-trails. Have all police officers dress in black, unmarked fatigues and carry automatic weapons. All the dems will conclude that “Bushilter” called off the elections and made himself dictator. The libs won’t take more than 2 steps out their door before running back in and hiding in their closets.

    Desert Elephant.

    We’re having the same problems in Northern Nevada. The left throws a hissy-fit every time we mention voter I.D.’s. Voter I.D.’s pose a grave threat to the democratic party. It means you have to be:
    *Alive
    *A legal Citizen
    *Can only vote once
    Personally, I think you should prove that you have an I.Q. of 95 or greater to acquire a voter I.D. card. This would virtually destroy the current Democratic party.

  15. Those registered as Democrat will be shown the the voting booths that are really one-person Abattoirs. The Republicans and Independents can actually vote. Unless they have ever been registered as a Democrat. Then they get the Abattoir treatment as well.

  16. Monkey faced liberal, you’re a monkey, they live in the jungle, duh. I can’t help it if you’re not a member of the protected classes. It’s not my fault you’re a sterling example of our Fine Educational System (FES). Go back to playing Tomb Raider and stop making Lara jump all the time, your eyes will drop out.

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