Curling Update: The Continued Tragedy

You know the Taliban and al Qaeda are watching the USA’s performance in curling, looking for weakness. And they must be celebrating in the streets over there. Four times now, the men’s team’s skip Shuster has had the a game winning shot where he just needed to place that last stone in the house to win the game, but to no avail. Statistically, we should have accidentally won by now, but here we are at 0-4. The women’s team hasn’t fared any better with a 0-3 record. I’m starting to wonder if we broke off of Great Britain too soon because it really doesn’t look like we have the skill to be our own self-respecting country.

We probably should treat curling more like Canada does. They take children when they are very young and train them in nothing but curling. These people are considered gods among the average Canadian and given the choicest maple syrup and moose meat. And when they are no longer able to compete in curling, they are shot in the head to make sure they can’t pass on Canadian curling secrets.

Time to take this game seriously before America loses all respect on the world stage. Of course, failure starts at the top, so maybe we’ll do better next Olympics if we have a different president.

15 Comments

  1. Face it Marko, mens curling is all about the brawn. Beneath that blubber butted, chain smoking exterior lies the Rosie O’donnell like thighs and ice cold Pelosi like heart of a brute. We need our men to be more like our liberal women. We need to sling our curling stones around like they were Chris Matthews in a gay bath house.

  2. Booosh does not want the U.S. Olymoic team to win under Obama. So Booosh has turned on the Halibutron HAARP devise to distort the gravity field around trhe stones. You can ask Kief Obamurman or Jesse Ventura about it.\

    (I wonder how long before some leftie moron picks this up and posts on the of the very lame liberal blogs?)

  3. The only new winter sports I could think of to replace Curling for shear, gut-wrenching excitement is either an ice fishing tournament, or creative, free-style peeing in the snow.
    Our Curling team could get useful off-season training by introducing a new Summer Olympic sport, Cross-Country Bowling.

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