With all this saving stupid animals from extinction that no one cares about, it’s nice that we’re finally manning up and talking about making one go extinct: the mosquito. They’re a pest, no likes them, they don’t help anyone with anything. Let’s just get rid of them. It just seems like a great idea if we can pull it off.

Next thing to make extinct: squirrels. They annoy me, and I don’t think we need them for anything either. After that, the elephant seal. I don’t know why, but it just rubs me the wrong way for some reason.

So if they start taking votes on what animals to make extinct, what do you want to be rid of? You can’t all say, “Hippies.”

So Lisa Murkalucky… Murkooney… Moocowski — something like that — is going to do a write in campaign in Alaska. In the Republican primary, everyone was like, “Go away!” because she was a useless, entitled Senator who was handed the seat by her daddy and it was pretty obvious they could do a lot better, but she’s convinced there’s a large group of people out there who love entitlement and nepotism and know how to spell her name and would just miss her weird weasel face too much. I do not think these people exist. It’s hard to imagine anyone supporting her who isn’t either a blood relative or gets a paycheck from her. Then again, Charlie Crist who has no more principles than that he likes to be elected is getting 30% in some polls. That’s not nearly enough to win, but it’s like who are these people who would vote for this orange sociopath? The media really needs to track down these people and have them explain themselves about why they would vote for the absolute worst example of a politician — everything everyone hates about politicians on full display. Those people scare me, and it’s hard to think they walk among us.

So maybe Lisa Morkuckle will get a few votes, but I hope the people who vote for her feel so much shame they eventually leave society to become monks. Maybe the Buddhist ones that do kung fu.

It’s not quite a dinosaur with rocket launchers on it, but it still looks fun: A flying Humvee!

Die from our awesomeness!

People worry about the carbon footprints of Humvees on land, but now they’re going to leave even bigger carbon footprints in the sky! While shooting people! The only way to make them better would be to have them transform into giant robots when they land and start punching holes through buildings.

In other news the Taliban has unveiled their newest military innovation: Duct taping flashlight to their AK-47s.

Jimmy Carter is claiming he’s been a superior ex-president. And he’s got a great argument for it: “Just look how awesome things got as soon as I stopped being president!”

Anyway, the seventies are a good reminder when things seem down now. Everything really sucked then, but things still eventually got really awesome again in the eighties. So as bad as things are now, one day we can be living the high life while Obama is running around building the houses for the poor or something. So it will be awesome for everyone except all the poor people killed by their house collapsing on them.

So more Democrats are running against Obamacare than campaigning on it. It’s just a hard thing right now to run as a Democrat when everyone right now just absolutely hates them. But here is one advantage a Democrat has when campaigning: He can show how much he also hates Democrats by legally beating up a Democrat on stage.

Here’s an idea to give a Democrat a boost in the polls: Walk on stage and say, “I know you hate Democrats for all the horrible things they’ve done under Obama, and I hate them even more than you. And I’ll prove it.” Then he can pull out a baseball bat and start whacking himself in the head shouting, “Take that, hippy! Why won’t you just make this country better by dying! I hate you! I hate you!”

Democrat beats up Democrat on stage — that’s got to be worth at least five percentage points in the polls.

Why is Colin Powell lecturing Republicans? He can if he wants to, but if he really wants to be taken seriously he better start it with the mother of all apologies.

“First off, I am obviously an epic moron for having supported Barack Obama as there was no reason to look at his background and think he’d do anything other than create this mountain of suck he has made. It was so stupid, it’s surprising I can even put sentences together gurgle wagha. There; now me done forget how to speak good. Me ‘tupid. Please give me hug.”

Really, shouldn’t some retailer have taken away Powell’s smart card and cut in two in front of him by now?

Also, it’s okay he denounce Tea Parties as radical and irrational as long as he also admits they’re obviously much smarter and more rational than he is.

In computer security, a honeypot is something made to look like a valuable part of a computer network to get a hacker to attack it, but is actually a trap meant to redirect hackers’ efforts from more vulnerable parts of the network. I see something similar at work with Christine O’Donnell. She has a number of vulnerabilities such as disgruntled former campaign workers and misspent campaign funds that speak towards O’Donnell’s trustworthiness, but the left isn’t focusing on that because they have the bright shiny things of her speaking against masturbation and saying she dabbled in witchcraft in high school to go after. The left like to ridicule — especially things they see as part of crazy right-wing morals — and there they go after the silly attacks instead of the real ones. And are people who would otherwise support O’Donnell because she’d vote for lower spending not going to vote fore her because she said she tried witchcraft as a kid? Maybe, but that sounds a lot like the patronizing predictions that people wouldn’t vote for Obama because his named sounded foreign.

Anyway, the attacks may hurt some, but the left could be doing a lot more damage than trying to find out if O’Donnell weighs as much as a duck. And it gives her more of a chance.