In real life, if a man dressed as a bat ran around punching criminals really hard, how many people would he accidentally kill?
“It’s against my principles to ever kill anyone. I just punch people really hard in the head and hope for the best.” -Batman
Obama hasn’t dealt with worse opposition than any other president; he’s just whined about it a lot more.
I don’t even like politics. It’s just hard to write hack clapper humor about the weather.
What is it about Sesame Street’s Abby Cadabby that makes me instantly hate everything about her? She’s like a muppet Kristen Stewart.
5-Hour Energy, I’m not sure a really old guy in a cowboy getup is someone who makes me think of “energy”.
Obama should be worried about Romney since Romney is a felon with nothing to lose.
Where is the Intrade betting for how many people Romney will shiv in prison?
Condolence cards would be a lot more effective if people put money in them like with birthday cards. “Sorry your dad died. Here’s twenty bucks.”
I’m thinking of now referring to myself as a “provocateur” since I like to poke the neighbor’s dog with a stick.
So, as I understand things, 1999-2002 were the evil years of Bain and that’s why Romney denies he was in charge then?
Pitch for wacky comedy: Barack Obama as the CEO of a corporation.
Obama is saying that Romney is shifting blame onto others, doesn’t care about the deficit, and is named Obama. #projection
Romney should have learned from Obama: Never ever do anything; it only causes you to have a record to be attacked on.
People only ask for photo ids so they can see your race in your photo and be racist against you.
BREAKING: Obama refuses to apologize to Romney, though he will bow to him.
If either Romney or Obama really need to change the subject quickly one day, just come out as gay.
To connect with voters, Romney should drive around in a pickup truck. But so it’s not pandering too much, the truck should be solid gold.
When did the PC become the redheaded stepchild of videogame consoles?
You say “Bless you!” when someone sneezes, but what do you say when someone coughs? I go with “Quiet, you.”