The State Department is prepping its policy regarding the Egyptian coup, and my man in State has managed to get his hands on Susan Rice’s talking points.  She is positing these as the primary reasons for the rioting in Egypt.

• The sequester.
• The fact that bikinis will be banned at the Miss Universe Pageant in Indonesia.
• The unlawful delays in the implementation of ObamaCare.
• This Youtube Video.
• Israel exists.
• It was discovered that Morsi was targeting his opponents using tax audits, which was more corruption than the Egyptians could stomach.
• It was rumored that Morsi was planning on nationalizing Michelle’s nutrition recommendations.
• The new season of Arrested Development was such a letdown.
• It was announced that there would be free punch and pie.
• What?!! Suzanne Hofts of The Bangles is Jewish?!!
• Morsi was too slow implementing marriage equality, and those camels have such pretty lips.  And those lady humps…
• The video for Walk Like an Egyptian was inaccurate and offensive and immorally burka-free, so the men have no choice but to act like mad dogs in the face of such wanton sexuality.
• This is what happens when your communities aren’t properly organized.
• There were rumors of a Justin Beiber sighting, and in a case like that , it is first come, first stones.
• A Danish cartoonist published this offensive cartoon.