Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments. [High Praise! to James for suggesting this one]
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
sh!tting on the little people.
. . . are a matter between him and the NSA
… never getting involved in a land war in Asia.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
just a pinch of salt with every recipe.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
getting other people to make concessions in their lives, not him.
…Depends.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
use the left hand.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
are above your pay grade.
… giving more speeches (that way, he doesn’t need to take bathroom breaks, with what typically comes out of his mouth and all…)
…what’s in all those 16 oz. cups he doesn’t need for soda anymore.
…he follows Carlos Danger on Twitter.
…double probation.
…is using his new, no-water toilet: it craps all over New Yorkers.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
he switched your regular coffee with Folger Crystals.
@Iowa Jim #2 – O Gee Whiz
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
call yourself a conservative then legislate like a socialist.
…cutting conversation time in half by only talking and not listening.
…his unique in-skull storage system that enables his less frequent bathroom breaks.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
likes Justin Bieber.
has a 20oz soda cup.
was a Goldwater Girl with Hillary Clinton.
can’t walk and chew gum at the same time.
wire hangers.
roots for the Red Sox.
likes to “stop and frisk” down in Greenwich Village.
taller than Tom Cruise.
…keeping spare pants in his desk.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets… are that he’s not a monster…. he has the heart of a child… He keeps it in his desk drawer.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
not bathing.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets… are subliminal messages to require his opponents take more bathroom breaks…. “I know your dripping with anticipation that I will leak the news of my next plan and a flood, not just a trickle, of good will flow into the NY tidal area.”
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
…p!ssing into a 128-ounce Team Gulp cup through the straw – and emptying it only when it’s full.
…enjoying the orgasmic pleasure from taking a huge dump.
…doesn’t wash his hands after his rare pit stops.
…watches NYPD ‘stop & frisk’ videos after everyone has gone to sleep.
…wishes he could hang out with Weiner, Spitzer and BJ Clinton.
…has a huge secret block of Depends stock.
…wear dark trousers.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
That he has a perverse sexual fantasy involving a big gulp, salt, cigarettes, fried foods and Janet Napolitano.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
That having a gazillion dollars also helps.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
Calgon!
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
He wrote tinkle, tinkle little man.
…a huge fortune won’t buy you happiness… but the unhappiness it creates in others results in a relative net gain.
…a positive attitude won’t solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
… include the secret sauce that he calls “mayor-naise.”
Ewww.
… include being oily to bed and oily to rise.
…low-fat spats.
…whining and scolding burns calories
…buying Baltic and Mediterranean early, slamming hotels on those bastards before anyone else even gets a block together
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
…is his uromysitisis poisoning condition.
…he’s secretly converting his current bathroom into a rice cake and tap water bar.
…he has a bladder the size of a watermelon.
@Oppo – … include being oily to bed and oily to rise.
…makes a man wealthy in slippery lies.
…are Ice Blue and extra strength. http://youtu.be/1iAS5VaVR5o
…lets the NYC comptroller keep his prostate in his pocket when he is not using it.
…Twist Ties. Tungsten Twist Ties.
…his office faces away from the East River.
…doesn’t let the office cat use the litter box.
…once asked a drunken Andre The Giant if he was using that bladder.
…The Bloomberg Box. One of them has a flush handle and a little round deodorizer.
…has never wondered where that came from, he just locks the door and has his mail delivered to the new office.
… must include climbing the coprolite ladder.
…his office door has a moon shaped cut-out.
…he has the fourth largest corncob pipe and flower pot expenses in NYC mayoral history.
…he can write his name in the snow, from the sixty-first floor.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
…he also uses only one sheet of toilet paper per visit, and when he showers, he lathers and rinses, but NEVER, EVER repeats.
…he makes his cabinet call him Chelsea.
…
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
…he wanted to ban the blooming onion because he thought Outback Steakhouse was ridiculing him.
…he asked an aide to check if the London Fat Berg was possibly a British relative.
…he p!sses and sh!ts in the kitchen sink to maximize his success quotient.
… cannot be revealed, since he prefers to remain anannymous.
… will be disclosed on the game show “I’ve Gotta Secrete!”
other secrets to success include not using obvious toilet humor gags in a contest judged by a girly-girl.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
…he keeps a chamber pot under his desk.
…he wears his trousers around his ankles while seated behind his desk.
…he wipes his ass with alternating hands.
…he installs a urinary catheter on extremely busy days.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
…are known only to him, his domestic partner – and, of course, the NSA.
…eating the souls of children.
…his “precious” and his hatred of Hobbits.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
a little bit of almond in his chocolate chip cookies.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
not really the mayor since he was born in Stupidistan.
…are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to authoritarianism.
…low fiber cookies.
…he likes as many nuts in his cookies as he likes in his administration.
…are apparently not written on bathroom walls.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
…he p!sses on his shoes more often than not – due to the lack of practice.
…he never enjoyed playing ‘sink the battleship’ while being potty trained.
… is that he “Buys” himself out of all the crap he legislates.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
he’s so rich he doesn’t need a pot to p!ss in.
for a good time he consults with “Client #9”.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
the bottom of his cowboy boots says, “read this to empty.”
he only puts out fires on people he likes.
his poor p!ss performance is reflected in his record.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
He has Ginormous kidney stones.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
Prostate problems
…saving up for retirement.
…your water cooler should be located in the corner, of the Gobi desert.
…Ruthlessness is paramount, divorce her and marry your first cousin.
…the time for fun, games and pleasure is before potty training starts.
…if you too have tiny, tiny little hands, rule with an iron fish.
…compromise every belief you have as a man and you will be a great liberal, compromise every belief you have as a liberal and you could be successful but are likely to be too stupid or not evil enough to.
…if God wanted you to pee during the day He wouldn’t have put a light in the bathroom.
…if the best thing they can put on your tombstone is that you had the personality and flamboyance and charm of a tombstone, being a billionaire asshat goes a long way towards getting people to do what you want.
Mayor Bloomberg says the secret to his success is taking fewer bathroom breaks. His other secrets…
…are known only to him, his live-in nanny – and, of course, the NSA.
… include his true name, but if you can guess it in three tries, you get your big gulp back.
@Harvey #44 Oh poop.
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Actually what he said is: Look at me, I always take SHORTER bathroom breaks. Now where did I put my Napoleon hat?