The debate about an individual right to bear arms is over, but I’m willing to revisit whether the government should have guns.

Speak softly and carry a big stick and you’ll really hold up the line as the TSA will be all like, “Speak up! Why do you have that stick?”

“What am I? Your maid?” -your maid, recovering from amnesia

The FBI agents who take on the mob have a collection of confiscated guns, and the agents who take on the flash mob have a collection of confiscated hammer pants.

I don’t care about defunding Obamacare, but can we please shut down the government?

They should shut the government down while Obama is trapped inside.

If we could only get rid of the AR-15 then we can get working on getting rid of the next gun.

“But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Obamacare.”

If they ever completely got their way, the right would ignore the left but the left would put the right into reeducation camps.

All I want is maximum freedom and prosperity for all people. And an AR-15 with rad attachments.

Really? 10.5MB is too large an attachment file? Was this email server set up in the 60s?

With all the arguing between the right and left I feel there isn’t enough focus on what inhuman scum moderates are.

People say video games don’t influence kids despite the violence when there is a new GTA release and the obesity epidemic from Pac-Man.

If you were a child of the 80s, you’ll never forget those Pac-Man-influenced PSAs warning us we can’t eat our way out of every problem.

The 80s were a great decade. Reagan. Soviet Union. Advanced AI taking over nuclear weapons. Laser guns. Creation of aqueducts.

I was age 0 to 10 during the 80s, so my memory isn’t so great about it. Who did the Soviets eventually become? The Belgians?

I think my favorite part of the 80s was when Mr. T punched out Hitler.

There will be a number of updates to the new RoboCop. Instead of him being created by the evil OmniCorp, it will be the evil RomneyCorp.

Watched the Brooklyn 99 pilot. Not hilarious but has potential. Will be interested to see first non-pilot episode.

Business tip: The chairman is not the guy you order to fetch you a chair.

Survival tip: Most animals in the wild get confused if you throw a basketball at their face because they don’t encounter that very often.

Didn’t watch a single episode of The Simpsons last season, but I don’t have the heart to remove it from the DVR.

Finally beat Candy Crush level I was stuck on for a while, but hit the wifi switch on my laptop and it wasn’t recorded. GRAH! KILL EVERYONE!