Straight Line of the Day: Obamacare Expert “Navigators” Had to Be Told “Don’t Leave Tax Returns on Fax Machines”. They Also Needed to Be Told…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Obamacare expert “Navigators” had to be told “don’t leave tax returns on fax machines”. They also needed to be told…

64 Comments

  1. Navigators” had to be told “don’t leave tax returns on fax machines”. They also needed to be told…

    …what a Navigator actually does.

    …that no matter what they’ve heard, there’s no sex in the champagne room.

  2. Navigators had to be told “don’t leave tax returns on fax machines”. They also needed to be told…

    …the past tense of fax is NOT f**ked.

    …the difference between the fax and the shredder.

  3. Navigators had to be told “don’t leave tax returns on fax machines”. They also needed to be told…

    they better watch out, they better not cry. They better not pout, they had to be told the why, cause Santa Claus is coming to town.

    Darth Vader was Luke’s father.

    liquor to beer, everything clear. Beer to liquor, nothing quicker.

    a penny saved, is a penny earned.

    they better listen to the radio.

    this is my rifle, this is my gun. One is for fighting, one is for fun.

  4. Navigators had to be told “don’t leave tax returns on fax machines”. They also needed to be told…

    this story about a man named Jed, a poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed. Went out one day shootin’ after food and up from the ground came a bubblin’ crude…

  5. Navigators had to be told “don’t leave tax returns on fax machines”. They also needed to be told…

    You take one lace in each hand
    You go over and under again
    You make a loopdy loop and pull
    Now your shoes are lookin’ cool
    You go over and back
    Left to right
    Loopdy loop and pull em tight
    Like bunny ears or a Christmas bow
    Lace ’em up and you’re ready to go
    Just make a loopdy loop and pull
    And you’re shoes are lookin cool!

  6. Navigators had to be told “don’t leave tax returns on fax machines”. They also needed to be told…

    Guards! Make sure
    the Prince doesn’t leave this room until I come and get ‘im.
    GUARD #1: Not to leave the room even if you come and get him.
    GUARD #2: Hic!
    FATHER: No, no. Until I come and get ‘im.
    GUARD #1: Until you come and get him, we’re not to enter the room.
    FATHER: No, no, no. You stay in the room and make sure ‘e doesn’t
    leave.
    GUARD #1: And you’ll come and get him.
    GUARD #2: Hic!
    FATHER: Right.
    GUARD #1: We don’t need to do anything, apart from just stop him
    entering the room.
    FATHER: No, no. Leaving the room.
    GUARD #1: Leaving the room, yes.
    FATHER: All right?
    GUARD #1: Right. Oh, if-if-if, uh, if-if-if, uh, if-if-if we…
    FATHER: Yes, what is it?
    GUARD #1: Oh, if-if, oh–
    FATHER: Look, it’s quite simple.
    GUARD #1: Uh…
    FATHER: You just stay here, and make sure ‘e doesn’t leave the room.
    All right?
    GUARD #2: Hic!
    FATHER: Right.
    GUARD #1: Oh, I remember. Uh, can he leave the room with us?
    FATHER: N- No no no. You just keep him in here, and make sure–
    GUARD #1: Oh, yes, we’ll keep him in here, obviously. But if he had
    to leave and we were–
    FATHER: No, no, just keep him in here–
    GUARD #1: Until you, or anyone else,–
    FATHER: No, not anyone else, just me–
    GUARD #1: Just you.
    GUARD #2: Hic!
    FATHER: Get back.
    GUARD #1: Get back.
    FATHER: Right?
    GUARD #1: Right, we’ll stay here until you get back.
    FATHER: And, uh, make sure he doesn’t leave.
    GUARD #1: What?
    FATHER: Make sure ‘e doesn’t leave.
    GUARD #1: The Prince?
    FATHER: Yes, make sure ‘e doesn’t leave.
    GUARD #1: Oh, yes, of course. I thought you meant him. Y’know, it
    seemed a bit daft, me havin’ to guard him when he’s a guard.
    FATHER: Is that clear?
    GUARD #2: Hic!
    GUARD #1: Oh, quite clear, no problems.
    FATHER: Right.
    [starts to leave]
    Where are you going?
    GUARD #1: We’re coming with you.
    FATHER: No no, I want you to stay ‘ere and make sure ‘e doesn’t leave.
    GUARD #1: Oh, I see. Right.
    HERBERT: But, Father!
    FATHER: Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on! And no singing!
    GUARD #2: Hic!
    FATHER: Oh, go get a glass of water.

  7. Navigators had to be told “don’t leave tax returns on fax machines”. They also needed to be told…

    …to call for the “Paper Refiller”, the “Toner Changer”, the “Turn It ON-er”‘ or “Turn It OFF-er” depending on the situation.

    …that their navigation responsibility would not require a GPS — unless they had trouble finding the restroom, cafeteria or exit.

    …that the “fast starters” who brought a compass to work would not be needing it — their job does not require drawing circles.

    …the writing at the bottom of a tax return is a cursive signature – not doodling.

    …that they could not send tweets or text messages with a fax machine.

    …to remove staples and paper clips before attempting to fax documents.

    …the fax machine could not ‘read’ the writing on the ‘wrong’ side.

  8. …make sure they wipe real good after they go #2

    …they can speed-dial Kathleen Sebelius by pressing and holding “9” on their Obamaphone

    …that due to new regulations regarding health care coverage their jobs are part time and thus they are not elligible for employer-prodived healthcare. They were also given a phone number to call to arrange for healthcare coverage…and when they call, it goes straight to their own voicemail.

  9. Obamacare expert “Navigators” had to be told “don’t leave tax returns on fax machines”. They also needed to be told…

    “put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, put your right foot in and you shake it all about!”

  10. Obamacare expert “Navigators” had to be told “don’t leave tax returns on fax machines”. They also needed to be told…

    That whiteout is not for use on the computer monitor if they make a mistake typing something in.

  11. Obamacare expert “Navigators” had to be told “don’t leave tax returns on fax machines”. They also needed to be told…

    to eat their vegetables and do their daily exercises or else Michelle will pay them a visit.

  12. …Breathe stupid! BREATHE!
    …where their @$$ was.
    …how to organize an orgy in a house of ill-repute.
    …rape, pillage…THEN burn!

    …that computer cookes were not editable.
    …not to drink from the toilet.
    …eating fat-free cookies is like kissing your sister.

  13. Obamacare expert “Navigators” had to be told “don’t leave tax returns on fax machines”. They also needed to be told…

    This here’s the wattle, the emblem of our land. You can stick it in a bottle, you can hold it in your hand.

  14. Obamacare expert “Navigators” had to be told “don’t leave tax returns on fax machines”. They also needed to be told…

    …to brush off the pubic hairs and wipe off the glass of the copy machine. (correction)

    …not to reassemble tax returns with faxed restaurant take-out menus attached.

    …that making photocopies with the cover open was not going to make them sterile.

    …the tones coming from the fax machine were not from extra-terrestrials trying to communicate with them.

    …not to absent-mindedly enter fax numbers into the microwave.

    …stealing office machines is grounds for termination.

  15. Obamacare expert “Navigators” had to be told “don’t leave tax returns on fax machines”. They also needed to be told…

    …not to take home used fax and copier toner cartridges — contrary to rumors, they do not contain a designer drug.

    …that wearing a coonskin hat was not going to make them a better navigator.

    …they would not be getting Lincoln Navigators as Christmas bonuses.

  16. Navigators” had to be told “don’t leave tax returns on fax machines”. They also needed to be told…

    … you don’t pull on Superman’s cape,
    you don’t spit into the wind,
    you don’t pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger, and
    you don’t mess around with Jim.

  17. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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