[High Praise! to The Looking Spoon]
Archive of entries posted on April 2014
I Just Like the Creativity on This One
I don’t think I’ve ever sliced a cherry tomato in my life, but should the need ever arise, I think I’ll try this:
[How to Cut Tomatoes Like a Ninja – Cooking Hack] (Viewer #2,715,257)
Alan Greenspan Would Get This Joke
Scientists are saying that there’s no truth to the rumors that a giant underground super-volcano in Yellowstone National Park is about to erupt.
They did, however, say it was an excellent metaphor for Obama printing money to cover the federal debt.
How to Offend Facebook
Todd Starnes points out that offending Facebook is WAY easy. Just post a not-unfamiliar joke:
“Rancher Bundy should’ve told the feds that those were Mexican cows – who came across the border illegally to seek better grazing opportunities. It was an act of love.”
And watch Facebook tell you that you’ve offended the community, so they’ve removed the post for you.
I… *really*… hate Facebook.
Todd, however, is more forgiving:
For the record, Facebook has the right to censor — it’s their company. And while they may censor conservative and Christian postings, Facebook is quite welcoming and affirming to leftwing diatribes against Republicans, religion and the Tea Party. I just wish the folks at Facebook were a bit more tolerant — and diverse.
Link of the Day: And You Thought Flappy Bird Was Habit Forming
You’ll probably lose quite a bit of time as you keep digging further and further back into the archives. I only wish there were a way to load more than 5 at a time.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Teens Snacks Barista Soda Sermon
Teens are like the Magic 8ball of humans, they think they have all the answers & you want to shake them because what they said was stupid.
— lady hunk 3000 (@Jennuflect) January 8, 2014
"Shall we move this to the bedroom?" – Me, to snacks.
— Spanky McDutcherson (@thatdutchperson) April 18, 2014
A barista called me "brother from another mother" because we are both named Josh. That is not remotely how brothers work. It's the opposite.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) April 19, 2014
my greatest dream is to swim in an ocean of orange soda.
it is a fanta sea.
— anti joke apple (@antijokeapple) April 19, 2014
"Uh- when I was saying Jesus I meant the Devil, and vice-versa" is a TERRIBLE way to end a sermon
— Michael Kupperman (@MKupperman) April 20, 2014
We KNOW Your Legacy, Mrs. Clinton
Asked at the Women of the World Summit in New York City what she was most proud of during her tenure as Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton could not provide any concrete examples.
Just 4 slabs of granite.
Obama Warned Us – Raising Wages
Raising wages is not just a job for organizers, not just a job for elected officials – it’s also a job for businesses.
“Who will soon have no jobs for anyone, anymore, if the organizers and elected officials keep meddling.”
Straight Line of the Day: Hillary’s New Book Will Be Called…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Hillary’s new book will be called…
Random Thoughts: Literacy, Hillary, and Hitler
We have near 100% literacy, but long ago, literacy used to be rare. And I bet blog comment sections were a lot more intelligent back then.
What was the hard choice that Hillary made? Whether to stick with her sexually abusive husband because it helped her political career?
Paul Krugman considers carefully the opinions of everyone in his sensory deprivation chamber.
Hate it when you notice nails need trimming but forget to do it before you go out the door and spend rest of day feeling like Freddy Krueger
Pretty much everyone is an extremist. We shouldn’t trust anyone. Even ourselves. I have no idea what I’m talking about.
We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal and that Die Hard is a Christmas movie.
So it was global warming that caused the flood, and it wasn’t God that warned Noah about it but climate scientists.
He knew all your faults. All your failures. The darkness in your soul you never admitted to anyone. And His reaction was to die for you.
Science can find answers to all the questions except the important ones.
I shutdown my computer to try and be more productive, but it didn’t work at my programming job 🙁
I’m not sure how this will affect her presidential campaign, but doctors say Hillary Clinton is suffering from the early stages of oldness.
I wouldn’t want to be a king because then I’d just constantly worry about my crown molding.
Snowden seems like a bit of a useful idiot. I’m just not quite sure useful to whom.
Hillary would go into the presidential race with much more experience than Obama had at being a blank cipher.
I just looked up Hitler on Wikipedia and he was not a nice guy. I’m sorry I compared you all to him.
Also, the Plot for the Sequel to Office Space
During a high-profile criminal trial, an alcoholic Manhattan court stenographer repeatedly typed, “I hate my job, I hate my job” instead of the trial dialogue.
Eliciting a brief letter from Jay Carney, which said simply “live the dream, bro”.
4 Women Who Are Really Good at What They Do
I’m sure there’s a political metaphor in there somewhere, but if you don’t feel like digging for it, go ahead and just enjoy the fruits of thousands of hours of rehearsal. These gals make this look effortless.
Which – trust me – is REALLY hard to do when there’s a cello involved (says the former cello player).
[Salut Salon “Wettstreit zu viert”] (Viewer #2,163,355)
It’s Really Scary
A new poll shows Americans trust the IRS more than Facebook.
I suppose Facebook might’ve scored better on the survey if they had the power to audit their critics, too.
Link of the Day: Healthcare.gov Design Team – EXPOSED!
[High Praise! to Bored Panda]
Now, these pictures are perfectly entertaining on their own (especially eerily-human smile-dog), but I find it ramps it up a bit if you imagine them all captioned “I helped design Healthcare.gov!”
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
lolbama! Part 181
Submit entries to lolterizt@gmail.com
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
From Dodsfall:
[reference link]
From Smilin’ Jack:
My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From Amer-I-Can:
From Fatwa Arbuckle:
[reference link] (Obscury!)
From Hatless in Hattiesburg:
From Kris:
From walruskkkch:
From walruskkkch:
[reference link]
From walruskkkch:
From walruskkkch:
From walruskkkch:
This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:
Fatwa Arbuckle, for remembering a line everyone in the media has worked so hard to pretend never happened.
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
IMAGE SOURCES: Lots of great Obama pics to be found at the White House Flickr page.
Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.