“Apparently the first thing we need to do is make the signs bulletproof”
Struggling to maintain 4th place in the polls behind Biden, Sanders, and Warren, Buttigieg said he’s taking a “fresh approach to the problem,” one which he thinks will differentiate him from the rest of the Democrat pack as primary season approaches.
Town hall attendee Beatrice Taylor, who admitted that she finds Buttigieg’s Neumanesque appearance “quite charming,” asked the candidate, “these mass shootings I keep hearing about in the news are just awful! And they always seem to happen in gun free zones, just like that latest one in Virginia Beach. What’s your plan for stopping that?”
“I’m glad you asked about that,” Buttigieg responded. “Gun crime in this great nation of ours is an epidemic of such vast proportions that I consider it a national security threat. Therefore, as President, I will act immediately to task the Department of Defense with doing two things: One – finding out why gun free zone signs don’t work. And two, sparing no expense to design a more effective gun free zone sign that actually DOES work.”
Peter Pettigrew, a shill who’d been paid by the campaign to pose as “undecided” and empowered to toss out hard-but-not-hostile questions, asked Buttigieg “I don’t understand. Signs don’t shoot people, guns do. Guns are the problem. Why aren’t you going to get rid of all the guns like all the other Democrat candidates who you’re trying to differentiate yourself from?”
“I’m glad you asked about that,” Buttigieg responded, pretending not to recognize Jones from the pre-meeting brief. “Some of the other candidates have already given up on gun free zone signs as the best way to prevent mass shootings, but these people are overlooking one important fact: at every mass shooting, gun free zone signs are 99% effective. They disarm every person in the building except the shooter himself. Now, if we can find a way to make these signs just 1% more effective, we can finally leave mass shootings in the dustbin of history once and for all.”
Amid the stunned silence of every Democrat in the room struggling to follow the complex mathematics involved in Buttigieg’s answer, audience member Billy Ray Valentine – a homeless person who just came into the building looking to dig aluminum cans out of the trash – rubbed his chin thoughtfully and piped up, “isn’t the real problem that only law-abiding people actually obey signs, and they ain’t the ones shooting people?”
“I’m glad you asked about that,” Buttigieg responded, giving security a pre-arranged ‘get him out of here!’ hand-signal. “I’m afraid you’re a victim of NRA propaganda. The real reason why gun free zone signs aren’t 100% effective is, well, we don’t know why. Is it the size? The shape? The color? The material of the sign itself? Is it the font? Should we use Comic Sans instead of Arial? See, we just don’t know. All I know is that the Department of Defense kept me alive while I was serving in Afghanistan, so I think it just makes sense to let them use all their keeping-safe powers to provide us with a solution to this problem as well.”
“The bottom line,” concluded Buttigieg, “is that we need to do this because REAL gun free zone signs have never been tried.”
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He just needs a better translation from ‘thought free zone’.
Brilliant idea.
Put up No Trespassing signs on the Mexican Border.
No more illegal entries!
Brilliant I say!
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Sounds like an idea from someone like Hogg boy or AOC.
Unbelievable. And yet this fool is actually running for President.
You know this is satire, right? Did you notice Peter Pettigrew, a Harry Potter character, was asking questions?
Sign at gun show: “If you voted for Obama, we cannot sell you a gun…you are too stupid to own one”.
I think I lost brain cells reading his stupidity, what drivel! And Dems eat this chit up??? Makes me respect Dems even less and I didn’t think that I could.
Interesting… So when criminals continue to ignore the new “Gun Free” zone signs he can blame the DOD. I call this “eminent failure with planned scapegoating.”
The last time I checked, the mass murders can read the current signage, just fine
Perhaps criminals need to first learn how to read. Use bigger letters and simplier words.
Don’t worry…Buttigieg is toast! He’s now saddled with a white liberals worst nightmare. A Negro criminal has been shot by a white cop in Buttigieg’s city. Right now he’s steppin’ and fetchin’ as best he can to kiss the postures of the various protesters who have materialized out of the woodwork demanding ACTION NOW!!!! Good luck Mr. Buttigieg…your gonna need it!!
Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.
Buttgiggle must not have a gag reflex otherwise he’d stop Barry-O-ing some guy’s schlong before Butt guy’s brain is deprived of oxygen.
Ya know, I’ve heard those rumors about Mayor Pete being gay, but I don’t believe them, because I’ve never heard them from a credible source.
I know he’s a socialist, though, and that’s all the reason I need to hate him.
I’m a Cold War veteran. I’ve got some very particular sore spots that get triggered when people spout collectivist nonsense
When he isn’t bringing up the rear in the polls he is bringing up his rear.
I don’t think he’s gay. He’s just saying that to get attention.
So being married to a dude is just cover for his heterosexuality?
It’s just method acting. Heath Ledger wasn’t gay, but he had that role in “Brokeback Mountain”.
So, yes… I’m saying that Pete’s partner is just a “beard”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beard_(companion)
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Yup, that’s gonna work. Ok Mayor Buttgag. If that’s what you think you will work. We will just put our hand up and say “shooter, no shooting”. Yeah, that is going to work…
Personally I’d rather have him spend billions on new signs than one penny on gun control.
I probably won’t get either wish…
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