I think my blog is officially down for the holidays (which doesn’t mean I won’t post more; just not the big morning humor post I usually do). Anyhoo, do some more headlines in the comments.
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World Famous Blog Closed for Holidays: Signs of Apocalypse Coming True
Cool,thanks for leaving us something to do while you’re gone,Frank.I don’t reckon you’ll be bringing back any Idaho potatoes,nu? Anywho,happy trails and safe travels to ya, and to all the IMAO minions.Merry Christmas,y’all.
and now,from Fox News:
“French Hostages Freed in Iraq”
Terrorists release them after smell of armpit,ass,and truffles becomes overwhelming
French hostages free for Christmas
–Just pay S/H, and you too can own your very own hostages! White flags sold seperately. Snails and croissants not included.
WaPo: D.C. Officer Ran Prostitution Business, Police Say “His business model was quite comprehensive and he showed a profit from the first quarter,” said business analyst Ima Guber. “There’s talk of him running for mayor.”
WaPo: Fans, Critics Face A New Ballgame “What’s this ‘Quiddich’ sh*t?” asks former mayor Marion Berry. Mayor Williams told reporters that he had to do something. “We were all ready to have a baseball team and then that bonehead councilwoman queered the whole deal! The people wanted SOMETHING!”
WaPo: Arizona State Upsets Visiting Connecticut “I was shocked! I could only stare at the murdered animal on my plate and cry!” said Connecticut. “Jeeeze!” Arizona was quoted, “You’d have thought I put a turd on their plate instead of a T-bone! How the hell was I supposed to know what a damn ‘vegan’ was?”
WaPo: Saban Front-Runner for Dolphins Job “I’m very excited,” said Nick Saban. “Heck, only four shows a day and all the minnows I can eat! Who wouldn’t want the gig?”
“From CNN:
Science in a spin over spider web
Spells out “some pig”
Posted by: basil”
Made my day!
ROTFL!! How many others here read “Charlotte’s Web” as a kid?
World Famous Blog Closed for Holidays: Signs of Apocalypse Coming True
Radical Muslim group Ansar al-Sunnah claims responsibility…
World stunned by use of words “Muslim” and “responsibility” in the same sentence.
North Korea ‘only country on earth’ free of AIDS…
Rampant starvation cited as “miracle cure.”
France Rejoices at Release of Hostages
But still smell bad, hate America
Executives: Acquisition will make troubled nuclear plants better
No word if military school will be involved
Cool,thanks for leaving us something to do while you’re gone,Frank.I don’t reckon you’ll be bringing back any Idaho potatoes,nu? Anywho,happy trails and safe travels to ya, and to all the IMAO minions.Merry Christmas,y’all.
and now,from Fox News:
“French Hostages Freed in Iraq”
Terrorists release them after smell of armpit,ass,and truffles becomes overwhelming
Male fish bear eggs in Potomac
Incident unrelated to male deer squirrel eggs in the Hudson
Study Refutes Notion That Death Takes a Holiday
Grim Reaper seen at resort in Daytona Beach, swears he was working
Fannie to announce executive changes
Other body parts also up for restructuring on new season of Pimp My Bride!
From CNN:
“Dow closes on three-and-a-half year high”
Keith Richards continues on at 35 1/2 year high
Three errors that could end a career
Include: Death and Retirement
From Yahoo News:
“Survey: Dutch Children Start Drinking at Age 12”
Alabama children scoffed,calling them “late bloomers”
New Harry Potter to Appear July 16
Has been in hiding from evil twin
Iowa Bovines Enjoy Beer-Spiked Feed
In other news, everyone enjoys beer
Blake Lawyer Says Police Wanted to Nab Celebrity
Police respond that murder is still a crime
Dow Hits 3 1/2-Year High on Earnings Hike
Vince Neil frantically researching street source for “Earnings Hike”, can’t remember last time he had source.
Rumsfeld Fires Back at Critics
uses dual .45s; vows to strangle survivors.
FLASH!:
Ronald McDonald Gives Jack (in the Box)a Dirty Sanchez!
…inspires both Meatclowns with new hamburger marketing strategies!
From AJC:
Planets march in a winter parade
Gravitational forces wreak havoc on holiday floats
From AJC:
Church set to extend its reach via spinoff
Sherman Helmsley to star
From CNN:
Pakistan opposition leader held
Likes cuddling
From CNN:
Science in a spin over spider web
Spells out “some pig”
From AJC:
Texas Still No. 1 in Executions in 2004
Auburn University disputes, demands playoffs
U.S. Airlines’ Revenue Declined in Nov.
Industry braces for still larger decline with end of Frank J.-Sarah K. long-distance relationship
You post humor on this blog?
Nervous Retailers Cut Prices
because nervous husbands cut wives’ credit cards.
North Korea ‘only country on earth’ free of AIDS…
North Korea also only country on Earth free of Doctors.
Gartner: Don’t Use Google Desktop In Enterprise
–Trekkies scoff at search engine use
Wal-Mart hits new low with $498 laptop
–“The smiley face hits below the belt” states former executive
Harry Potter fever strikes again
–WHO blames President Bush and stolen election for shortage of vaccine
HOTTER ‘POTTER’ DUE IN JULY
— Unknown who impreganted Harry’s older sister
French hostages free for Christmas
–Just pay S/H, and you too can own your very own hostages! White flags sold seperately. Snails and croissants not included.
Massive “infants” galaxies found
–Abortion Rights activists claim Fetal Galaxies not really alive, protest for right to abort findings
CEO arrest may hurt our Net biz
–anger over delays to bring Wi-Fi to prison.
‘A particularly difficult year’ for the UN, Annan says
–Top customer overthrown, jailed. Iraq freed from tyranny. U.N. Punked by U.S.
WaPo: Fannie Mae’s Top Executives Leaving Firm
“She turned out to be nothing but a c***tease!” states one.
WaPo: D.C. Officer Ran Prostitution Business, Police Say
“His business model was quite comprehensive and he showed a profit from the first quarter,” said business analyst Ima Guber. “There’s talk of him running for mayor.”
WaPo: D.C. Jail Mistakenly Releases Convict
He is later elected councilman for Ward 8.
WaPo: Fans, Critics Face A New Ballgame
“What’s this ‘Quiddich’ sh*t?” asks former mayor Marion Berry.
Mayor Williams told reporters that he had to do something. “We were all ready to have a baseball team and then that bonehead councilwoman queered the whole deal! The people wanted SOMETHING!”
WaPo: Kirstie Alley to Appear in Jenny Craig Ads
Signs exclusive contract as “before” picture.
WaPo: Arizona State Upsets Visiting Connecticut
“I was shocked! I could only stare at the murdered animal on my plate and cry!” said Connecticut.
“Jeeeze!” Arizona was quoted, “You’d have thought I put a turd on their plate instead of a T-bone! How the hell was I supposed to know what a damn ‘vegan’ was?”
WaPo: Zolman’s Buzzer-Beater Lifts Tennessee Over Stanford
NCAA questions use of sex-toys on court.
WaPo: Saban Front-Runner for Dolphins Job
“I’m very excited,” said Nick Saban. “Heck, only four shows a day and all the minnows I can eat! Who wouldn’t want the gig?”
WaPo: Colonials Finally Solve Wolfpack
A screen of destroyers and patrol boats will now be employed.
WaPo: Broadband Use Surpasses Dial-Up in U.S.
1 – AOL officials unable to comment because they kept getting bumped off.
2 – You got punked!
FormerHostage…
Dude! You need your own blog if you can get it because you are too funny!
MTV’s ‘The Real World’ Heads to Texas
Blue state media get a red state lesson in culture, executions
“From CNN:
Science in a spin over spider web
Spells out “some pig”
Posted by: basil”
Made my day!
ROTFL!! How many others here read “Charlotte’s Web” as a kid?
Town named Luck wins $522 million.
Neighboring city Cheat claims winnings were meant for them.
Town named Luck wins $522 million.
Neighboring city Cheat claims winnings were meant for them.
Forgive me!!! double post…..