Auto correct doesn't work when I use caps lock. My phone is like "woah, better let this dude cool down before I tell him he's wrong"
— Tyrannosaurus Sex (@TYrannosaurus) November 8, 2013
*walks up to a beautiful woman at a cocktail party* My mom dropped me off, did you bring your ID
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) November 8, 2013
Yeah I wear a TV around my neck. Yeah that's me doing karate on it
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) November 8, 2013
"Hey, watcha inventing?" "A weather vane. It's for showing wind direction." "You should shape it like a chicken." "That is a GREAT idea."
— Jason Miller (@longwall26) November 10, 2013
Not only are chickens vain (“I’ll crow whenever I darn well please”), they always face into the wind so it feels like they are flying (which they stink at).