Like body armor, except unable to stop bullets.
Fred Engels, the school’s principal, defended his decision to mete out what some consider “excessive” punishment.
“We got some complaints about it,” said Engels, “but the district has a very strict ‘zero tolerance’ policy when it comes to any form of weapon. You can say ‘oh, it’s just a picture, you can’t hurt anybody with a picture,’ but it’s not the picture that’s the problem. The problem is that someone could see the picture and it will start a chain reaction in their brain, and the next thing you know, someone don’t like Mondays.”
“You have to be harsh about it to some degree,” Engels added. “It’s not just about punishing the one student, it’s about deterring copycats who think that guns are cute or funny or save lives in the hands of good guys. We have to get the message through to everyone. Guns are bad. Always. Everywhere. And anything that looks like a gun is bad. Always. Everywhere. If you don’t stop guns on t-shirts, next you’ll have people nibbling pop-tarts into revolvers and pointing their fingers while saying ‘BANG!’ This is about bringing order to the chaos and anarchy of these youth. They have to be taught to obey every command if they’re going to be model citizens for the people who’ll be ruling this nation after Trump loses next year. I hate Trump!”
“Where was I? Oh, yeah… it’s for the children.”
Douglas, whose parents are suing the school to have his suspension overturned and the incident stricken from his school records, seemed surprised that his choice of outerwear could be the source of such contention.
“It’s weird,” said Douglas, “because my T-shirt is pretty much an exact copy of the gun-free zone signs at every entrance to the school. I just thought that, since they work so well there, the t-shirt would protect me in case a shooter accidentally didn’t see one of the signs.”
—–
< Democrat Presidential Candidates Clarify: “‘Medicare for All’ Doesn’t Include Us”
facepalm
oh, liberals….
It all makes sense…
from a particular point of view.
“Eugene V. Debs High School…” There’s part of the problem right there.
Excellent for those of us who know who Eugene V, Debs was.
“Zero tolerance policy” just means “Easier than having to think”.
And here, I thought their trump card was ‘tolerance’. Go figure.
Good for the kid. Smarter than the idiots running his school
That “chain reaction in their brain” is a bit over the top. Seems rational thought process should be the order of the day instead. But if you’re selling fear – you get to live in it.
what if the punishment actually caused his kid get back at the school?
He has a perfect case to sue the school staff. What law is ABOVE the US Constitution ? Answer = NONE
In addition to having the suspension overturned and the kids record cleared the parents need to sue the principal and the school board…..PERSONALLY…..for cash. As long as this type of abusive misconduct
fails to cost these idiots REAL MONEY they have zero incentive to stop abusing their power.
If this ever actually happens, these would all be reasonable reactions
I’m at a loss as to where the quote ended and the satire began. Please tell me there was such a point. Please?
At the risk of spoiling everything, I will say that everything in this article is made up from the name of the school to the name of the students to every word in every quote.
The only actual facts are at the link on nibbling Pop-Tarts.
Which, although true, are only slightly less ridiculous than the ones I made up
Alternative satire: the t-shirt has the picture of an aborted fetus and the kid is granted free hall passes for the whole year and made class president and makes the cover of the Rolling Stone.
Sentiment understood, but I’m gonna tofu that specific idea because of my personal preference that abortion not be used as a punchline.
If this was facebook I would delete my comment. I was out of bounds. Don’t know what happened to my community standards. Surely you can delete this for me?
I could, but I’d prefer to leave it up because the conversation is instructive for the readership. And since it was a civil discussion, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
I say we just move forward with the business of mocking liberals and having fun.
Someone call in the Llamas to rewrite the credits.