Straight Line of the Day: Why Didn’t You Make It To Obama’s Inauguration?
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?
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(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:02 pm
I had better things to do – like hacking up a hairball – less disgusting too.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:05 pm
I was getting my wisdom teeth taken out.
I was getting a root canal.
I just couldn’t miss my European history test.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:08 pm
I had to work to help pay for it.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:09 pm
I didn’t pass the security/credit check.
I have a job, and since I’m interested in paying my bills, I have to show up, like, every day.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:12 pm
I was busy excercising my 2nd Amendment rights.
I was out hunting with my trusty AR15.
This recipe for wild pig is very involved.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:14 pm
I lost the car keys on purpose
I don’t like to be around drunk people who have lost their sense
My doctor says that to control my anger problems, I need to avoid situations that will make me angry, stressed, or disappointed, and the Inauguration would have made me all three
I was at the local range, shooting my Glock.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:15 pm
I was trying to figure out a good Straight Line of the Day.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:17 pm
I was too busy playing caption contests on teh innertubes
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:18 pm
…I got my directions to attend from Joe Biden.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:18 pm
The ceremony, and the country’s political system, were unworthy of him
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:18 pm
…I don’t like to wok the dog.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:19 pm
…I was too busy styling Chewbaccas hair to look like Michelles…. after that 5 minutes I figured the rest of the weekend was shot.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:20 pm
…I already had an exciting weekend planned at Bernies.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:21 pm
I’ll go when Ted Nugent plays one.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:22 pm
i was laughing to hard at the idea of Biden making another run for the presidency.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:23 pm
Michigan Open Carry, Inc. was not invited.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:24 pm
I thought they said, ‘Innoculation,’ and I responded that I’d already had my flu shot.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:26 pm
…cause I’m a racist.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:33 pm
i was making wine and had to stay home and bleach my feet
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:35 pm
It was this last weekend?
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:35 pm
i was trying to waft myself to barsoom a la john carter
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:37 pm
…I hurt my voice practicing my Vogon poetry and they had to pull my recital at the last minute.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:37 pm
…the line at the airport was too long
…cause some of us still have to show up to work on a Monday
…I was standing in line waiting to sign a secession petition – it was a very long line.
…seemed like too much effort to see a rerun
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:40 pm
I had to cut travel budget to pay for my tax increases.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:41 pm
My dog was teaching me differential calculus.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:42 pm
…I caught it on the satellite feed last week when it was distributed to the networks to run on Monday
…you’ve seen one communnist come to power, you’ve seen them all
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:43 pm
I was hangning with Mitt Romney, like a lot of the left seems to think we were.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:45 pm
I hated the Star Wars bar scene the first time I saw it.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:49 pm
They threw out all the homeless people. I could not walk back to D.C. in time for the party.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:50 pm
Honest… I ran out of gas. I… I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:55 pm
…like all who used Google Maps directions, we were met on the Damascus Road and got chatted up by Obama himself, and then we all found our wallets missing and are now living in a homeless shelter sharing bunks with former campaign workers and those who survived the bus wheel squashing of political expedience.
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:05 pm
…I was talking Pogo down off the ledge of a tall building while he had a gun to his head and a noose around his neck and had taken eight fatal drug overdoses and nine kinds of poison. I finally gave up when he started playing a YouTube video of Frank and spacemonkey doing their Gangnam style dance.
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:05 pm
1. because Barrack Obama is actually a Kenyan named Barry Sotero
2. and because he the so-called President of a country that now only exists Geographically. The USA, as founded disappeared many decades ago.
3. and I don’t recognize him to be anything other than a fraud, a tyrant and a communist infiltrator posing as the legally elected President
I didn’t make It To Obama’s Inauguration because he is NOT the President of the United States of America.
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:15 pm
Won’t mess with a sequel when the original was hours of my life I’ll never get back.
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:27 pm
For the same reason I don’t stare at car accidents.
I didn’t want my IQ to drop.
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:28 pm
I waited for the government bus to take me to DC but it didn’t show up.
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:33 pm
Because phony displays of patriotism make me ill.
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:35 pm
I was taking my family to
Isengard…gard…gard…gard…gard…Washington…ton…ton…ton…ton when we ran intoSauron’sObama’s legions of mindless minions. It was touch and go but finally we made it past them… but then…A balrog of MorgothNancy Pelosi devoured several miles of highway and all the poor fools upon it. We were this close …. () to winding up as just another pocket of cellulite on her pimple pocked ass. “What did you say?” a pocket of cellulite on her pimple pocked ass… but after some back-country mudding we just squeezed by, whew! Discretion being the better part of valor and all, at this point we decided that thecoronationinauguration would do just fine without us.[Reference link -Harvey]
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:37 pm
There were no flights out of Guantanamo.
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:38 pm
I don’t go see stuff that makes me want to cry except funerals.
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:43 pm
What? I thought the Mayan apocalypse had been cancelled.
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:44 pm
@HokieGomer #30 – you were on a mission from god.
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:45 pm
I figured I’d catch the next one.
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:49 pm
I stepped in a bear trap. Decided not to chew my leg off.
January 22nd, 2013 at 2:04 pm
Are you kidding? Since Obama’s been president it’s 80-hour weeks with no vacation allowed hear at ACME Ammunition!
January 22nd, 2013 at 2:05 pm
Are you kidding? Since Obama’s been president it’s 80-hour weeks with no vacation allowed here at ACME Ammunition!
January 22nd, 2013 at 2:31 pm
@ Rodney Dill – HAVE YOU SEEEEN THE LIGHT!!! (I don’t think I could have put it better any other way. Being in Chicago was a bonus for that)
January 22nd, 2013 at 2:36 pm
I tried to hitchhike there but all the cars on the highway were headed for Texas.
January 22nd, 2013 at 2:43 pm
…I decided a hunting trip with Dick Cheney would be a better bet.
January 22nd, 2013 at 2:44 pm
…I decided to pass on the Lemming migration this year.
January 22nd, 2013 at 2:45 pm
…my new Jeep hadn’t arrived from China yet.
January 22nd, 2013 at 2:47 pm
…Air Force One forgot to pick me up and my Obamaphone went on the fritz.
January 22nd, 2013 at 2:49 pm
I got stopped by Old Man Willow on the way. We burned him down along with the rest of the plastic trees planted by Michelle.
January 22nd, 2013 at 3:03 pm
. . . after the last four years of Obama in charge, I couldn’t afford the gas.
January 22nd, 2013 at 3:07 pm
. . . I had already seen parades in Red Square for new Premiers.
January 22nd, 2013 at 3:09 pm
. . . my Doctor recommended that I skip this one due to my extreme Allergy to Hippies.
January 22nd, 2013 at 3:15 pm
…wallowing in my own filth was a much better option than getting near that cesspool.
…I ain’t afraid of ghosts but getting slimed by a highly P O’d MLK is just not worth the chance.
…I failed the moron test by 2 points.
January 22nd, 2013 at 3:20 pm
Hey, I had a really full-up day and just couldn’t squeeze in Barry, Mooch and all those kids.
8am –There I was, trying my hardest to ‘get rid of yesterday’, and it took quite some time……
1015 Am –Whew, glad ‘that’s’ over, what’s doin’ now…? Oh JEEZ, I clean fer’-got to reserve me a place at the D C Par-Tay….What’s a Metrosexual,Multi-Cultural Guy to do?
2pm–I give up, it’s all just too confusing. I’ll just go celebrate at that new, hip bistro that has
German-Chinese Fusion Cuisine. You eat it, you get hungry again, waayyy too soon, and you just want to go out and kill someone or something innocent that looks kinda’ like you…….while walking in really straight lines and saluting in a particular manner…….
8pm–Aren’t Wolf and Candice just the most adorable things…? But that ‘Piers Guy’, now he’s just the living end……of a colon………
2am today—–No, I don’t want another ShamWow…….
January 22nd, 2013 at 3:21 pm
I already had purchased non-refundable tickets to my local gun show.
January 22nd, 2013 at 4:05 pm
I was in the lab cloning Reagan’s DNA fragments.
January 22nd, 2013 at 5:06 pm
i had to make green jello, fold some paper bags flat, and prep for a colonoscopy. But, it was a tough choice. P-/ arrr
January 22nd, 2013 at 5:23 pm
Aliens invaded and stopped me from going. They used to be illegal aliens but I guess we call them legal now, so it’s all okay.
January 22nd, 2013 at 5:50 pm
Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration? I was out looking for Hugo Chavez.
January 22nd, 2013 at 5:51 pm
Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration? I was afraid of lightning strikes when he put his hand on the bibles.
January 22nd, 2013 at 5:53 pm
Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration? ……..I was still wiped out from all the kwanza parties.
January 22nd, 2013 at 5:55 pm
Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?….I had to work- As Brilliant Biden would say, it comes down to 4 letters: J-O-B.
January 22nd, 2013 at 5:58 pm
Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?…….my unicorn was sick.
January 22nd, 2013 at 5:58 pm
Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?…..Because it felt like a cold day in Hell…oh, wait…
January 22nd, 2013 at 5:59 pm
Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?….Because I love this country.
January 22nd, 2013 at 6:19 pm
Because I’m racist!
(@48: Cars don’t pick-up Cats. They run over them.)
January 22nd, 2013 at 6:51 pm
Because they didn’t have Rosanne sing the Star Spangled Banner…(at least she actually sang…sucked the big one, but sang)
January 22nd, 2013 at 7:00 pm
I was busy counting the number of rounds in my magazines so that Governor Cuomo doesn’t feel threatened.
January 22nd, 2013 at 8:11 pm
I had to do something less painfully nauseating. Pull off my toenails with a pair of pliers.
January 22nd, 2013 at 8:34 pm
… I was busy watching Pinky and the Brain to determine what Barry’s next step towards world domination was.
January 22nd, 2013 at 9:26 pm
Because living out my remaining years having never been wanted for aggravated assault, or worse, remains one of my life-long goals. Why risk it?
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:35 am
3/5ths of me wanted to go. The other 2/5ths convinced me not to go.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:55 am
…I knew I should have made that left turn at Albuquerque.
January 23rd, 2013 at 1:06 am
…A raggedy man in a blue box crashed in my yard. After going through all the food in my fridge to find something he liked, he stuffed himself with fish fingers and custard. He promised to take me on a trip in his blue box, but left and never came back. I was up all night waiting for him to return and I ended up sleeping through the inauguration.
January 23rd, 2013 at 1:05 pm
had to be sure the paint dried and watching it with baited anticipation was more than i could take for one day….
the new hi-speed train from my house in the boonies hasn’t been finished yet, seems there’s some insignificant bug thats endangered, holding up the project. so i said atleast the bugs got to live.
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:08 pm
Bob @78, how do I fix my antenna to get that channel?
January 23rd, 2013 at 7:24 pm
[...] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?” [...]
January 24th, 2013 at 12:52 am
#80 CCO:
I would recommend a sonic screwdriver.
-While wearing a fez… fezes are cool.