Straight Line of the Day: Why Didn’t You Make It To Obama’s Inauguration?

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?

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82 Comments

  1. I was getting my wisdom teeth taken out.
    I was getting a root canal.
    I just couldn’t miss my European history test.

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  2. I didn’t pass the security/credit check.

    I have a job, and since I’m interested in paying my bills, I have to show up, like, every day.

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  3. I was busy excercising my 2nd Amendment rights.
    I was out hunting with my trusty AR15.
    This recipe for wild pig is very involved.

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  4. I lost the car keys on purpose

    I don’t like to be around drunk people who have lost their sense

    My doctor says that to control my anger problems, I need to avoid situations that will make me angry, stressed, or disappointed, and the Inauguration would have made me all three

    I was at the local range, shooting my Glock.

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  5. …the line at the airport was too long

    …cause some of us still have to show up to work on a Monday

    …I was standing in line waiting to sign a secession petition – it was a very long line.

    …seemed like too much effort to see a rerun

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  6. …I caught it on the satellite feed last week when it was distributed to the networks to run on Monday

    …you’ve seen one communnist come to power, you’ve seen them all

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  7. Honest… I ran out of gas. I… I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!

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  8. …like all who used Google Maps directions, we were met on the Damascus Road and got chatted up by Obama himself, and then we all found our wallets missing and are now living in a homeless shelter sharing bunks with former campaign workers and those who survived the bus wheel squashing of political expedience.

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  9. …I was talking Pogo down off the ledge of a tall building while he had a gun to his head and a noose around his neck and had taken eight fatal drug overdoses and nine kinds of poison. I finally gave up when he started playing a YouTube video of Frank and spacemonkey doing their Gangnam style dance.

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  10. 1. because Barrack Obama is actually a Kenyan named Barry Sotero

    2. and because he the so-called President of a country that now only exists Geographically. The USA, as founded disappeared many decades ago.

    3. and I don’t recognize him to be anything other than a fraud, a tyrant and a communist infiltrator posing as the legally elected President

    I didn’t make It To Obama’s Inauguration because he is NOT the President of the United States of America.

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  11. I was taking my family to Isengard…gard…gard…gard…gard… Washington…ton…ton…ton…ton when we ran into Sauron’s Obama’s legions of mindless minions. It was touch and go but finally we made it past them… but then…A balrog of Morgoth Nancy Pelosi devoured several miles of highway and all the poor fools upon it. We were this close …. () to winding up as just another pocket of cellulite on her pimple pocked ass. “What did you say?” a pocket of cellulite on her pimple pocked ass… but after some back-country mudding we just squeezed by, whew! Discretion being the better part of valor and all, at this point we decided that the coronation inauguration would do just fine without us.

    [Reference link -Harvey]

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  12. Are you kidding? Since Obama’s been president it’s 80-hour weeks with no vacation allowed hear at ACME Ammunition!

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  13. Are you kidding? Since Obama’s been president it’s 80-hour weeks with no vacation allowed here at ACME Ammunition!

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  14. @ Rodney Dill – HAVE YOU SEEEEN THE LIGHT!!! (I don’t think I could have put it better any other way. Being in Chicago was a bonus for that)

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  15. I got stopped by Old Man Willow on the way. We burned him down along with the rest of the plastic trees planted by Michelle.

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  16. …wallowing in my own filth was a much better option than getting near that cesspool.

    …I ain’t afraid of ghosts but getting slimed by a highly P O’d MLK is just not worth the chance.

    …I failed the moron test by 2 points.

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  17. Hey, I had a really full-up day and just couldn’t squeeze in Barry, Mooch and all those kids.
    8am –There I was, trying my hardest to ‘get rid of yesterday’, and it took quite some time……
    1015 Am –Whew, glad ‘that’s’ over, what’s doin’ now…? Oh JEEZ, I clean fer’-got to reserve me a place at the D C Par-Tay….What’s a Metrosexual,Multi-Cultural Guy to do?
    2pm–I give up, it’s all just too confusing. I’ll just go celebrate at that new, hip bistro that has
    German-Chinese Fusion Cuisine. You eat it, you get hungry again, waayyy too soon, and you just want to go out and kill someone or something innocent that looks kinda’ like you…….while walking in really straight lines and saluting in a particular manner…….
    8pm–Aren’t Wolf and Candice just the most adorable things…? But that ‘Piers Guy’, now he’s just the living end……of a colon………
    2am today—–No, I don’t want another ShamWow…….

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  18. i had to make green jello, fold some paper bags flat, and prep for a colonoscopy. But, it was a tough choice. P-/ arrr

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  19. Aliens invaded and stopped me from going. They used to be illegal aliens but I guess we call them legal now, so it’s all okay.

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  20. Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration? I was afraid of lightning strikes when he put his hand on the bibles.

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  21. Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration? ……..I was still wiped out from all the kwanza parties.

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  22. Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?….I had to work- As Brilliant Biden would say, it comes down to 4 letters: J-O-B.

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  23. Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?…..Because it felt like a cold day in Hell…oh, wait…

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  24. Because they didn’t have Rosanne sing the Star Spangled Banner…(at least she actually sang…sucked the big one, but sang)

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  25. I was busy counting the number of rounds in my magazines so that Governor Cuomo doesn’t feel threatened.

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  26. … I was busy watching Pinky and the Brain to determine what Barry’s next step towards world domination was.

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  27. Because living out my remaining years having never been wanted for aggravated assault, or worse, remains one of my life-long goals. Why risk it?

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  28. …A raggedy man in a blue box crashed in my yard. After going through all the food in my fridge to find something he liked, he stuffed himself with fish fingers and custard. He promised to take me on a trip in his blue box, but left and never came back. I was up all night waiting for him to return and I ended up sleeping through the inauguration.

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  29. had to be sure the paint dried and watching it with baited anticipation was more than i could take for one day….
    the new hi-speed train from my house in the boonies hasn’t been finished yet, seems there’s some insignificant bug thats endangered, holding up the project. so i said atleast the bugs got to live.

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  30. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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