Straight Line of the Day: Why Didn’t You Make It To Obama’s Inauguration?

Posted on January 22, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?

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82 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Why Didn’t You Make It To Obama’s Inauguration?”

  1. DamnCat says:

    I had better things to do – like hacking up a hairball – less disgusting too.

  2. artvol11 says:

    I was getting my wisdom teeth taken out.
    I was getting a root canal.
    I just couldn’t miss my European history test.

  3. AwesometificAmerican says:

    I had to work to help pay for it.

  4. Mrs. C says:

    I didn’t pass the security/credit check.

    I have a job, and since I’m interested in paying my bills, I have to show up, like, every day.

  5. Critter says:

    I was busy excercising my 2nd Amendment rights.
    I was out hunting with my trusty AR15.
    This recipe for wild pig is very involved.

  6. srm000 says:

    I lost the car keys on purpose

    I don’t like to be around drunk people who have lost their sense

    My doctor says that to control my anger problems, I need to avoid situations that will make me angry, stressed, or disappointed, and the Inauguration would have made me all three

    I was at the local range, shooting my Glock.

  7. gsmtiger says:

    I was trying to figure out a good Straight Line of the Day.

  8. rodney dill says:

    I was too busy playing caption contests on teh innertubes

  9. rodney dill says:

    …I got my directions to attend from Joe Biden.

  10. holmes says:

    The ceremony, and the country’s political system, were unworthy of him

  11. rodney dill says:

    …I don’t like to wok the dog.

  12. rodney dill says:

    …I was too busy styling Chewbaccas hair to look like Michelles…. after that 5 minutes I figured the rest of the weekend was shot.

  13. rodney dill says:

    …I already had an exciting weekend planned at Bernies.

  14. DamnCat says:

    I’ll go when Ted Nugent plays one.

  15. spacemonkey says:

    i was laughing to hard at the idea of Biden making another run for the presidency.

  16. rodney dill says:

    Michigan Open Carry, Inc. was not invited.

  17. rodney dill says:

    I thought they said, ‘Innoculation,’ and I responded that I’d already had my flu shot.

  18. blarg says:

    …cause I’m a racist.

  19. jw says:

    i was making wine and had to stay home and bleach my feet

  20. rodney dill says:

    It was this last weekend?

  21. tanstaafl44 says:

    i was trying to waft myself to barsoom a la john carter

  22. rodney dill says:

    …I hurt my voice practicing my Vogon poetry and they had to pull my recital at the last minute.

  23. blarg says:

    …the line at the airport was too long

    …cause some of us still have to show up to work on a Monday

    …I was standing in line waiting to sign a secession petition – it was a very long line.

    …seemed like too much effort to see a rerun

  24. DamnCat says:

    I had to cut travel budget to pay for my tax increases.

  25. PeteSF says:

    My dog was teaching me differential calculus.

  26. blarg says:

    …I caught it on the satellite feed last week when it was distributed to the networks to run on Monday

    …you’ve seen one communnist come to power, you’ve seen them all

  27. gsmtiger says:

    I was hangning with Mitt Romney, like a lot of the left seems to think we were.

  28. Son of Bob says:

    I hated the Star Wars bar scene the first time I saw it.

  29. Manse says:

    They threw out all the homeless people. I could not walk back to D.C. in time for the party.

  30. HokieGomer says:

    Honest… I ran out of gas. I… I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!

  31. Dohtimes says:

    …like all who used Google Maps directions, we were met on the Damascus Road and got chatted up by Obama himself, and then we all found our wallets missing and are now living in a homeless shelter sharing bunks with former campaign workers and those who survived the bus wheel squashing of political expedience.

  32. Dohtimes says:

    …I was talking Pogo down off the ledge of a tall building while he had a gun to his head and a noose around his neck and had taken eight fatal drug overdoses and nine kinds of poison. I finally gave up when he started playing a YouTube video of Frank and spacemonkey doing their Gangnam style dance.

  33. Carpenter says:

    1. because Barrack Obama is actually a Kenyan named Barry Sotero

    2. and because he the so-called President of a country that now only exists Geographically. The USA, as founded disappeared many decades ago.

    3. and I don’t recognize him to be anything other than a fraud, a tyrant and a communist infiltrator posing as the legally elected President

    I didn’t make It To Obama’s Inauguration because he is NOT the President of the United States of America.

  34. Apostic says:

    Won’t mess with a sequel when the original was hours of my life I’ll never get back.

  35. FormerHostage says:

    For the same reason I don’t stare at car accidents.

    I didn’t want my IQ to drop.

  36. FormerHostage says:

    I waited for the government bus to take me to DC but it didn’t show up.

  37. Apostic says:

    Because phony displays of patriotism make me ill.

  38. jack says:

    I was taking my family to Isengard…gard…gard…gard…gard… Washington…ton…ton…ton…ton when we ran into Sauron’s Obama’s legions of mindless minions. It was touch and go but finally we made it past them… but then…A balrog of Morgoth Nancy Pelosi devoured several miles of highway and all the poor fools upon it. We were this close …. () to winding up as just another pocket of cellulite on her pimple pocked ass. “What did you say?” a pocket of cellulite on her pimple pocked ass… but after some back-country mudding we just squeezed by, whew! Discretion being the better part of valor and all, at this point we decided that the coronation inauguration would do just fine without us.

    [Reference link -Harvey]

  39. Manse says:

    There were no flights out of Guantanamo.

  40. CCO says:

    I don’t go see stuff that makes me want to cry except funerals.

  41. rodney dill says:

    What? I thought the Mayan apocalypse had been cancelled.

  42. rodney dill says:

    @HokieGomer #30 – you were on a mission from god.

  43. rodney dill says:

    I figured I’d catch the next one.

  44. Manse says:

    I stepped in a bear trap. Decided not to chew my leg off.

  45. Sharky says:

    Are you kidding? Since Obama’s been president it’s 80-hour weeks with no vacation allowed hear at ACME Ammunition!

  46. Sharky says:

    Are you kidding? Since Obama’s been president it’s 80-hour weeks with no vacation allowed here at ACME Ammunition!

  47. HokieGomer says:

    @ Rodney Dill – HAVE YOU SEEEEN THE LIGHT!!! (I don’t think I could have put it better any other way. Being in Chicago was a bonus for that)

  48. DamnCat says:

    I tried to hitchhike there but all the cars on the highway were headed for Texas.

  49. rodney dill says:

    …I decided a hunting trip with Dick Cheney would be a better bet.

  50. rodney dill says:

    …I decided to pass on the Lemming migration this year.

  51. rodney dill says:

    …my new Jeep hadn’t arrived from China yet.

  52. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …Air Force One forgot to pick me up and my Obamaphone went on the fritz.

  53. srm000 says:

    I got stopped by Old Man Willow on the way. We burned him down along with the rest of the plastic trees planted by Michelle.

  54. Writer says:

    . . . after the last four years of Obama in charge, I couldn’t afford the gas.

  55. Writer says:

    . . . I had already seen parades in Red Square for new Premiers.

  56. Writer says:

    . . . my Doctor recommended that I skip this one due to my extreme Allergy to Hippies.

  57. Dohtimes says:

    …wallowing in my own filth was a much better option than getting near that cesspool.

    …I ain’t afraid of ghosts but getting slimed by a highly P O’d MLK is just not worth the chance.

    …I failed the moron test by 2 points.

  58. Uncle Kevvie, That's Who says:

    Hey, I had a really full-up day and just couldn’t squeeze in Barry, Mooch and all those kids.
    8am –There I was, trying my hardest to ‘get rid of yesterday’, and it took quite some time……
    1015 Am –Whew, glad ‘that’s’ over, what’s doin’ now…? Oh JEEZ, I clean fer’-got to reserve me a place at the D C Par-Tay….What’s a Metrosexual,Multi-Cultural Guy to do?
    2pm–I give up, it’s all just too confusing. I’ll just go celebrate at that new, hip bistro that has
    German-Chinese Fusion Cuisine. You eat it, you get hungry again, waayyy too soon, and you just want to go out and kill someone or something innocent that looks kinda’ like you…….while walking in really straight lines and saluting in a particular manner…….
    8pm–Aren’t Wolf and Candice just the most adorable things…? But that ‘Piers Guy’, now he’s just the living end……of a colon………
    2am today—–No, I don’t want another ShamWow…….

  59. Max says:

    I already had purchased non-refundable tickets to my local gun show.

  60. Manse says:

    I was in the lab cloning Reagan’s DNA fragments.

  61. 9vMojo says:

    i had to make green jello, fold some paper bags flat, and prep for a colonoscopy. But, it was a tough choice. P-/ arrr

  62. CarolyntheMommy says:

    Aliens invaded and stopped me from going. They used to be illegal aliens but I guess we call them legal now, so it’s all okay.

  63. CTCompromise says:

    Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration? I was out looking for Hugo Chavez.

  64. CTCompromise says:

    Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration? I was afraid of lightning strikes when he put his hand on the bibles.

  65. CTCompromise says:

    Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration? ……..I was still wiped out from all the kwanza parties.

  66. CTCompromise says:

    Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?….I had to work- As Brilliant Biden would say, it comes down to 4 letters: J-O-B.

  67. CTCompromise says:

    Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?…….my unicorn was sick.

  68. CTCompromise says:

    Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?…..Because it felt like a cold day in Hell…oh, wait…

  69. CTCompromise says:

    Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?….Because I love this country.

  70. Jimmy says:

    Because I’m racist!

    (@48: Cars don’t pick-up Cats. They run over them.)

  71. john callow says:

    Because they didn’t have Rosanne sing the Star Spangled Banner…(at least she actually sang…sucked the big one, but sang)

  72. Duke of Earl says:

    I was busy counting the number of rounds in my magazines so that Governor Cuomo doesn’t feel threatened.

  73. GrandLarsenE says:

    I had to do something less painfully nauseating. Pull off my toenails with a pair of pliers.

  74. Tau Dades says:

    … I was busy watching Pinky and the Brain to determine what Barry’s next step towards world domination was.

  75. Hunter says:

    Because living out my remaining years having never been wanted for aggravated assault, or worse, remains one of my life-long goals. Why risk it?

  76. Vegas Grue says:

    3/5ths of me wanted to go. The other 2/5ths convinced me not to go.

  77. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …I knew I should have made that left turn at Albuquerque.

  78. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …A raggedy man in a blue box crashed in my yard. After going through all the food in my fridge to find something he liked, he stuffed himself with fish fingers and custard. He promised to take me on a trip in his blue box, but left and never came back. I was up all night waiting for him to return and I ended up sleeping through the inauguration.

  79. morigu says:

    had to be sure the paint dried and watching it with baited anticipation was more than i could take for one day….
    the new hi-speed train from my house in the boonies hasn’t been finished yet, seems there’s some insignificant bug thats endangered, holding up the project. so i said atleast the bugs got to live.

  80. CCO says:

    Bob @78, how do I fix my antenna to get that channel?

  81. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    […] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?” […]

  82. Bob in Feenicks says:

    #80 CCO:

    I would recommend a sonic screwdriver.
    -While wearing a fez… fezes are cool.

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