There are so many news stories out there, but I don’t have time to comment on them all. I would like to congratulate Australian prime minister John Howard, though, on his big reelection. The Australians have been some of America’s best allies, and, if through some horrible circumstance I weren’t able to be an American, being Australian would be my next pick.
I even wrote a half-assed song about it. Let’s sing it together.
IF I WERE AN AUSSIE
If I were an Aussie, in the Outback I would play,
And to each person I met I’d say, “G’day.”
I’d play a mean didgeridoo
And box a kangaroo.
Oh, how much I would do
If I were an Aussie.
Oh, if I were an Aussie, I’d always smile,
Most of all when I’d wrestle a crocodile.
I’d throw a boomerang with glee
And shoot a koala in a tree.
Such great things I’d see
If I were an Aussie.
In Australia, from the dingoes I would run,
And I’d play some rugby for fun
Plus if anything would strike me
I’d exclaim, “Crikey!”
Instead of saying, “Bite me!”
If I were an Aussie.
If I were an Aussie, they’d call me Outback Frank,
And I’d kung fu fight pirates who’d try to make me walk the plank.
Then I’d hunt half bird/half horses that had stripes.
Okay, you got me; I’m out of Australian stereotypes.
But you’d quit your gripes
If I were an Aussie.
OI! OI! OI!
First?
I’m not sure I’d want to be an Aussie. I would have to spend all my time watching my babies, what with all the dingoes and such.
Forgot:
Pints of Fosters or VB (beer)
Beaut-Bonzer Watering Holes (pubs)
Ayers rock (middle of NOwhere)
Aussie chicks that love Yanks (all of ’em)
Bondai Beach (see chicks above)
AC/DC (Oz’ greatest export – Bon Scott years, naturally)
Awww, jonag,
That was soooo Meryl Streep of you…
You must use your songwriting skills for good instead of for lameness.
May I suggest an IMAO Songwriting Contest. Write Poor John Kerry a new campaign song. I’m thinking re-writing “Why Can’t We Be Friends” to “Why Can’t We Be French?”
Just to get everyone started, here’s the original lyrics. Lot’s of good fodder here, what with references to the CIA, and being President and all.
Why can’t we be friends (4x)
I’ve seen you ’round for a long long time
I remembered you when you drank my wine
Chorus
I’ve seen you walking down in Chinatown
I called you but you could not look around
Chorus
I paid my money to the welfare line
I see you standing in it every time
Chorus
The color of your skin don’t matter to me
As long as we can live in harmony
Chorus
I’d kind of like to be the President
So I can show you how your money’s spent
Chorus
Sometimes I don’t speak right
But yet I know what I’m talking about
Chorus
I know you’re working for the CIA
They wouldn’t have you in the Mafi-A.
I blame you for this!!
http://www.cq.com/corp/show.do?page=crawford/20041012_homeland
I lived in Seattle before I lived in Australia before I lived in Seattle again, and from experience I can honestly say Australia is the friendliest place on Earth to Americans. If you are looking to go on vacation away from the homeland and you choose a country other than Australia… well, you deserve whatever harm France spit perpetrates against you during your stay. As well, they seem to be getting their tax structure headed in the right direction. If you’ve heard anything about the Fair Tax movement here in the States then Australia is where you should look to get a tiny glimpse of the possibilities. During my time there, Australia did away with their “wholesale” taxes and instituted a 10% GST. The prices of high priced toys tanked and people were on a spending spree (including myself). If only they would have rid themselves of their high income tax their economy would perform in glorious fashion. Here’s hopin’ for tax reform at home! Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!
I work with an Aussie! It’s really funny, he said “Crikey” one time. I thought he was joking. He was SERIOUS!
I spent alot of time in Australia. Loved it. If it weren’t for their stupid gun laws and high taxes, it would be tied to be the greatest place to live. When I was there I had a pet dingo. Unfortunately, a baby ate my dingo.
Mike
Off topic, but apparantly (according to a headline on Drudge) there is a monkey shortage.
instead of Alt – “Marsupial Music”…
Frank,
There are a lot of cool things about Australia, but their Draconian gun control laws are not among them! Leave it to the Muckadoos to screw up a good thing.
When I lived in Australia, I don’t think they had gun laws. But then, I lived in a small town in the outback and everyone owned some sort of rifle. Roo hunting was very popular.
BTW – I believe shooting a koala is illegal.
one more thing, IMAO is fair dinkum.
is no monkey shortage is monkeys hiding underground plotting demise of hoo-mans ha ha ha find bananas now want bananas
I used to know a song named “I wish I was an Aussie Meyer Weiner”. Are they any kin?
Here:
I can’t believe I actually looked it up…
I might move to Australia if Kerry wins…Just kidding. A little bit.
Even with their arcane gun control laws (seems only the criminals have an easy time getting them) I’m with Matt. You should all have an exit strategy should the flip-waffler (I love that word!) actually pull this one off! Do you have your exit strategy?
Brian,
Hell no. Post on that tomorrow.
Frank,
Will we hear a beautiful rendition of you singing this sometime?
Wow, I can’t imagine another foreign country in the world so almost-American as to be worthy of a flattering Frank song! Australia must really be something. I’m not too keen on the plant that can kill you if you just touch it I saw on Discovery Channel, though.
Frank,
Please PLEASE don’t quit your day jobgrin
Btw-off the Aussie coast lie Swim? some of the biggest Great Whites in the WORLD. her lakes and rivers are sometimes home to the fresh-water friendly Bull Shark-which isn’t very user friendly itselfNo offense “Bullshark”
See. Now you’ve learned something.
Barb in Chi-Town
You’d move to Australia and let the lefties cut your guns in two?
Pffft. If you’d made a song that was to the theme if “I only had a brain”, that would have been awesome. But you are just a big failure.
Allow me to demonstrate:AHEM
I could stomp on Arafishes,
and SORT OF grant the wishes,
of evil martyr f0000ls, 😉
dodododo dodo,
i would dance and be merry,
while bombing dingleberries,
if i were among the j00000s.
I would be at the forefront,
of fighting ma-le-vol-ent,
splodeydopes of ph33333r,
dodododo dodo,
And I’d never give up fighting,
smoke them out where they are hiding, and enjoy a kosher beeeeeeer!
Okay well I had to use the j000s cuz rhyming Aussie in that song is pretty hard, and also i’m not sure if the concept of a Kosher beer makes sense as I am not a j00000000000!
But you do this professionally frank so stop being such a damn failure.
Sly and the Family Stone did ‘Why Can’t We Be Friends?’, didn’t they?
It was before my time, but I used to have their greatest hits…hits..huhuhu. Get it Sly and the Family Stone….lol
Yea, that was lame…
Also, you forgot meat pies and barely organized violence… I mean… Aussie Rules Football. 🙂
Oh please here in australia we women want a prime minister that we would be willing to sleep with.
Something like you lot had with Bill Clinton, now you see in that case, I wouldnt of dobbed !!!!!
Here in Australia all the candidates are old furry men with bald spots not much to choose from.
Oh for the day when we get a sexy prmie minister!