The Supreme Court is going to take another look at the Constitutionality of bans on partial birth abortion (I guess the new press preferred term is now “a type of late-term abortion”). To help in everyone’s understand of the issue (and IMAO is nothing if not a tool for education) I’ve gotten a doctor who performs late-term abortions to answer questions about this controversy.
THE SUPER HAPPY FUN PARTIAL BIRTH ABORTION FAQ
Q. Critics call it partial birth abortion. Is that name accurate?
A. The actual medical term for this procedure is “Dilation and Extraction” or simply D&X. The term “partial-birth abortion” was manufactured by opponents of women’s health in an attempts to create controversy about the simple procedure of partially delivering a baby and sucking its brains out.
Q. Why don’t you call it “brain sucking abortion” instead of D&X?
A. Because that’s not medical sounding. Sucking out a baby’s brains is a complicated process and requires a complicated name.
Q. Don’t babies need brains?
A. It considers what purpose you have in mind for said babies.
Q. Does sucking out a baby’s brains cause the baby pain?
A. No. The baby would be too distracted from the pain of being stabbed in the head with scissors (used to make the needed hole in the head) to notice the start of the suction.
Q. How was this procedure invented?
A. A doctor was once watching a horror movie in which aliens attacked earth and sucked people’s brains out. He then said, “Hey! We could do that to babies!” I think his name was Steve.
Q. Since the whole body is already out, why not just pull the head out and deliver the baby?
A. For one thing, that defeats the whole point of an abortion. Also, about any doctor could do that, so I simply couldn’t charge as much for that procedure. Finally, if I’m just delivering babies, what in the world am I supposed to do with the brain sucking device I spent good money on?
Q. Why not fully deliver the baby and then suck out the brains?
A. Babies that have been fully delivered tend to squirm more and also make more noise. Beyond the practical considerations, though, it’s only legally considered an “abortion” if the brains are sucked out while the baby is still partially in the mother. Otherwise, it’s “infanticide” which is frowned upon in some cultures.
Q. Do you favor legalizing infanticide?
A. Absolutely not. Then if would be perfectly legal to throw live babies in dumpsters, and it’s not like I can charge a high fee for that either.
Q. Some people say it’s morally wrong to suck out a baby’s brains. What do you say to that?
A. Then why does it feel so right?
Q. I thought the whole point of sucking out the brain matter was to collapse the skull and make the dead fetus easier to deliver, especially in cases of hydrocephalus?
A. Hey, if you want the skull collapsed, that costs extra. The base cost just covers sucking out the brains. Look at the fine print.
Q. Opponents to D&X say that the procedure it never needed to protect a mother’s health. What are your views on this?
A. I think that misses the entire point. Whether to have your baby’s brains sucked out is a personal choice that should be left between a woman and her doctor. Some say it should be between a woman and her doctor and God, but He tends to be judgmental on these sorts of things and is best left out of the loop. Actually, if He asks, say you had a miscarriage. He might not buy that being this so late in the pregnancy, but it’s worth a shot. Whatever you tell Him, though, don’t mention my name.
Q. Should the baby have any say in this?
A. It won’t after its brains have been sucked out.
Q. Are you ever afraid of being attacked by anti-abortion extremists?
A. If anyone ever tries to blow up my clinic, my staff will hold him down and I’ll suck out his brains. I even have a sign out front that says so.
Q. How did you ever get into this line of work in the first place?
A. I’ve never liked babies (probably goes back to that time I was in a nursery and a pack of them jumped me and stole my wallet), so it just fit. Also, the DeBrainer 2000 salesman was really pushy, and, once you have a brain suction device, what else are you going to do with it?
Q. What are your views on the Constitutionality of D&X?
A. I truly believe that the right to suck the brains out of babies is Constitutionally protected. Admittedly, it’s not in there explicitly, but you gotta read between the lines on that document. Don’t just take my word for it, though; go read the Fourteenth Amendment over and over and soon you’ll start thinking of sucking out brains.
Thank you, FrankJ, for calling it what it really is.
Think of what would happen if, God forbid, we tried sucking the brains out of a poor defenseless puppy…how cruel. Abortion, on the other hand, should apparently be condoned-because humans are not an endangered species.
Yeah, I think Incognito got it right…it’s sad when our courts would consider trying to find constitutionality in sucking the brains out of babies, when you know that doing the same to just about any animal would never be allowed.
I still don’t see where there’s any part of the Constitution that gives the Federal Govt. the ability to dictate any kind of abortion law to the states. I think Roberts and Alito need to beat a few other Justices into seeing what bad law Roe v. Wade is.
“A mind may be a terrible thing to waste, but A brain is a wonderful thing to suck.”
Ms. Samantha Smith-Hoskins-Whilwood
Planned Parenthood
Dude, you should look for the part in the constitution where it says it is illegal to f*** underage romanian sheep. What, it doesn’t exist? Then look for the part which says it is legal to f*** underage romanian sheep? Not there either. MY GOD! Nuke the Constitution. Pump it full of lead. Drive over it with a pickup truck.
Kuppeln meine pppool.de. Wo in Deutschland sind Sie irgendwie?
Do what?
I think people who support this goulish proceedure have already had their brains sucked out, along with their hearts. Thank you Frank.
“Q. How was this procedure invented?
A. A doctor was once watching a horror movie in which aliens attacked earth and sucked people’s brains out. He then said, “Hey! We could do that to babies!” I think his name was Steve.”
I just said we could do it, I never said it was a good idea!
Hessen, wo ist das?
Wow. As the father of two children here on earth, and one in heaven – by miscarriage – I cannot imagine why anybody would ever consider this procedure to be anything other than a horrific murder. Thanks, Frank, for putting it into perspective for all of us.
I might laugh at the absurd satire of this whole post if I were not so disgusted that we as human beings ever allowed this to happen. Alito and roberts better step the F*** UP TO THE PLATE come this decision.
Man, I am finding it harder and harder to keep my calm day-to-day when I learn more about the Left day-to-day.
Let’s just say that come Judgement Day, I’m gonna be REALLY glad I don’t have an MD next to my name.
DesertElephant,
In all fairness, not all MDs perform this barbaric procedure. Most of them do good work.
I am not a fan of the partial birth abortion even though I am pro choice. The one quid pro quo would be whether or not it was a risk to my wife’s health. Since I’m not having any more children and am happy with the two that I have, if it came to a choice between a baby and my wife, if my wife were still around we could try to have more kids.
And now we have a couple of doctors in California worried about the ethics of executing a murderer. Something seems strange there.
Brilliantly written, but it’s too depressing for me to really find it funny.
Actually, the procedure was created by Rosie O’Dumbell. She’s perfected the procedure to the point where it can be done to grown people over the airwaves. There is actually a medical term for a person that thas had their brains sucked out: Liberal.
Hessen is midway in Germany next to France, Monkey. Not that any of the deutcher talk has to do with anything.
Patrick,
1. Learn what “quid pro quo” means before you use it in a sentence. (unless you mean wife for child, which is still a bordrline example of proper usage of the term)
2. If your wife had carried a child to the point where PBA occurs, the risk to her own life would be virtually nonexistant, and any risk that was encountered during delivery would not be alieviated by a PBA.
I agree…
:0(
Some things are just too sick for satire.
My dad was an OBGYN; he had to observe abortion procedures including D&X. One day I asked him about it. He just sighed and gently shook his head, the way that a person who’s seen a monstrous atrocity would. I asked him if there were any circumstance under which a D&X could be medically necessary, say, to save the life of the mother. He told me there wasn’t, because from the mother’s point of view it carries the same risk as live childbirth.
People would line up out the door and fight like cats to adopt a baby that was purposely born alive but premature for the mother’s convenience. They would pay the million dollar medical bills just for the privilege of holding that baby in their arms.
It is a crying shame that it is considered unethical to induce labor before 38 weeks, but not considered unethical to perform a D&X at that time.
That this procedure, however rare, still exists in our country is monstrous.
Woah, dude, so you can like tell where I live from my ip address? MY GOD, you must be working for the CIA! (Actually, my bad, they can’t see 2 storey tall planes slamming into buildings until its on CNN).
Doctors are such elitists. What the hell, now everyone has to be educated? Does EVERYTHING have to be govt. regulated. From now on, every Joe my-wife-sleeps-with-a-Magnum-up-her-c*nt Schmoe should be able to perform surgery on every Repug. Where in the Bill of Rigths or the Constitution does it say a doctor has to be educated. Show me, dammit!
I’d like to point out in an inaccuracy in your Q&A. Not all babies who get their brains sucked out actually die.
Here you can see some of the more gruesome specimens that have actually undergone this procedure.
I’d like to point out in an inaccuracy in your Q&A. Not all babies who get their brains sucked out actually die.
Here you can see some of the more gruesome specimens that have actually undergone this procedure.
Patrick, Do you actually think there is a case where a woman, after delivering every part of her baby’s body, with the exception of his/her head, would die if her baby’s head was delivered? Please think about this long and hard.
DON’T HIT THE LINK!
If you suck out all but one brin cell,what do you have? :),answer isssssssssssss (drum rollllll) : Schmo
oops them brin cells are scarce here also
I’m thinking schmo(pimpmyscalpel/pimpmynuke; same person?) has posted valuable comments here, as well as on the comments page for “Int’l eat an animal for PETA day” from yesterday. I wonder if schmo is seeing the irony of being angry about the food we eat, but seemingly at ease with D&X.
Well done Q&A on a terribly disturbing topic Frank. Although your wit stands up, the topic, mental images and emotions just would not allow me to laugh at this.
I am pro-choice, with my choice being made by the swimming little buggers and the receptive egg(s)…four healthy ones in my case…but that is MY choice, and not one I should impose on another person.
In theory, there must be a reason this procedure has been allowed and/or justified…severe mental or physical diagnosis, not possible earlier in the pregnancy perhaps…but it is still a horrific procedure, regardless of its ‘validity’.
It is a harsh topic, warranting thought and discussion with legal, moral, medical and ethical review. Step one is awareness for the uninformed, and for this, Thank you.
Its a cryin shame, yall.
ahh, trailer trash.
So do liberals support this because they think it will add to their ranks? They realize the baby dies after its brains are sucked out, so it can’t grow up brainless (i.e. liberal) and post on DU, don’t they? Though I guess it can still vote Democrat, and that’s good enough for them.
Question for the DNC: do babies aborted by having their brains sucked out get to vote Democrat in the very next election, or do they have to wait until the time they would be 18? Just curious about the laws covering dead voters for Democrats.
I’m just waitin to hear Molech come up in the middle of all this.
Do not taunt super happy fun partial birth abortion.
The reason they are so protective of this procedure is because they instinctively understand the concept of a slippery slope. If sucking the brains out of a baby that is mostly out of the mother is bad, then why is it okay if its mostly in? Or all the way in?
You see. They let their own procedures progress to a point of no return. A tipping point, from where there are fewer and fewer gray areas.
Logic, being what it is, will eventually lead us to the proper conclusion. A baby is a baby no matter where it happens to be.
You know, sperm, combined with an egg, can create a new human being. Lets make it illegal to waste sperm, or eggs, because they are both examples of potential life. And lets make menstruation illegal, because it is purging the body of what could have been a fertilised egg, what could have been life.
[Frank J.: Here’s the discussion we’re having. Now, if you look through this telescope, you can see some anonymous moonbat having a distant discussion all by himself.]
If any slaughterhouse in America proposed that cattle would be killed by puncturing the skull and vacuuming out the brains so that the animal would no longer technically be a living thing, everyone of every political stripe would consider it cruel and inhumane.
I don’t even understand why pro-Choicers have a problem with banning partial-birth abortion. After all, this happens in the third trimester when their beloved “Roe v. Wade” proclaimed that some restrictions by the state were permissable! It can go into effect and not bring about the end of abortion.
I really enjoy all the hit and run anonymous posts in the comment pages. It it displays the same level of courage that it takes to anonymously murder a child, or be staunchly supportive of those who do. “Meat bad…abortion good…war bad…Muslim peaceful…”
I suppose it’s easy to be that way when there’s nothing like decency to cloud your vision.
Hey Shmoe, eat me.
I know several of you have already heard this (thank you,SarahK)but my story is the odd statistic – i was told that it was my baby or my life. i could not begin chemotherapy, which i needed to survive, unless i had an abortion. i can’t kill someone else so that i can live, that is the worst thing you can do. so we went through it together, the baby and i. he is now the most handsome, healthy 10 month old you have ever seen. the doctors dont always know what they are talking about, and yet millions of women just kill and dont look back. it is the one of the most shameful things human kind has ever done.
heidi
Heidi, that is awesome. My girlfriend, when she was pregnant with our first child, went to Planned Parenthood to discuss her options because she was scared & wasn’t sure what to do. I told her I loved her and would support her decicion either way, but I felt strongly about keeping the baby. When she would speak to those folks at P.P., she said she felt as though there was pressure to get an abortion. That seemed to be the “option” they were really trying to push, and she felt creepier everytime she spoke to them.
She decided that she could not got through with the procedure, and now we have TWO wonderful children. We can’t imagine what it would be like without either one.
A long time ago, I was with another girl, and she had an abortion & didn’t seem to give it a second thought. Maybe it’s better this way, but not a day goes by without me wondering who I am missing in my life…
You made the right decicion. Never doubt it.
“You made the right decicion. Never doubt it.”
Alright Mr. Rogers.
“war bad…Muslim peaceful”
Who the hell said anything about Muslims being peaceful. The Muslim religion is the garbage of religions and humanity, in the same vein as the American military and Republicans are the garbage of the American people. They should have suicide bomber and Smith & Wesson parties, and make this world a better place. Just because someone thinks Muslims are barbarians doesn’t mean they think Republicans are great. (A misconception I have seen time and time again).
Oh yeah, let me seal that comment with an all powerful HOOAH!
Thanks, nameless. You’re so brave!
truly.
Sorry, the above comment was me, Schmo. Anyhoo, I think that as far as children of republican parents are concerned, anybody should be allowed to perform an abortion on them until their 50th year. And forget sucking brains out, I’m talking spraying brains out with a good old Magnum.
But schmo, we have no brains. At least not like you do, and it makes me sad… so very sad. sniffle
AlanABQ,
I also lack a heart and courage. My inability to get to Kansas is neither here nor there.
Heh. Nice.
What do you mean. Of course you have courage Franko. Hell, I’ve seen pictures of you holding a gun, and only a man with REAL big kahunas has the courage and ability to use a weapon.
@Alan:
So I made you cry? As DesertElephant would say, what institution turned you into such a pussy? See, I cry too. Except when they bury dead ex-badass gun-toting human garbage. Well, it does anger me that they throw trash in the same place normal decent people get buried, but it doesn’t really make me cry.
HOOAH!
lol
Schmo, all you’ve done here is cry & whine. Poor squeaky wheel.
Schmo really needs to get laid….
Schmo, you’re just a banal, subpar, pseudo-intellectual hack, aren’t you. I’d call you a pole smoker, but homosexuals really don’t need to be insulted like that by being grouped in with the likes of you.
It seems that you haven’t quite grasped the terms hypocrisy or irony, and we understand. They both consist of more than a single syllable, which we know must be REALLY challenging for you. Keep up the hard work though. You might actually achieve an adult literacy level in a decade or so.