(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
The new Iraqi Parliament that was elected last December has finally been sworn in, but – due to an egregious mix-up at the ballot box – it turned out that all those elected were actually American Democrats.
Vowing to “do for Iraq what Bushitler won’t let us do for America”, the new Parliament promised to do the following during its first 100 days:
- Outlaw use of the word “terrorist” – replace it with “person of murder”.
- No more death penalty. Except for those who refer to a person of murder as a “terrorist”
- Also outlawed will be the phrase “camel jockey”, unless it’s used at an actual camel race.
- Or by a rap artist.
- It will be illegal to bow toward Mecca at a public school.
- Having a non-denominational “moment of bending” isn’t acceptable either.
- No one will be allowed to draw cartoons of Jesus, Buddha, or Moses. However, the Iraqi government WILL fund artworks such as the urine-soaked holy book, “Whiz Koran”.
- No cartoons of Cindy Sheehan, either, because her son died for George Bush’s sins.
- BUUUUUUUUUUUSH! shakes fist at sky
- Floor sweeping will be forbidden in all bars and restaurants, due to the hazards of “secondhand dirt”.
- Meanwhile, the tax on brooms will be raised another 50 cents.
- No one will be allowed to own a gun except for police and persons of murder.
- Camel spiders will now be considered an endangered species, and no oil drilling will be allowed in their habitats.
- Unless the oil is being sold to France, Germany, Russia, or China.
- All camels will be required to get an average of 28 miles per gallon of water.
- 38 for the economy 1-hump models
- Witnesses in court trials have to swear to tell the truth while placing their hand on a copy of “Heather Has Two Mommies“.
- All of Saddam’s old presidential Palaces will be re-named “The Robert C. Byrd Memorial Palace”, followed by a Roman numeral.
- And stop nagging Senator Byrd to apologize for his Klan membership! You people are like a pitbull on a mailman’s leg with that!
- All sand dunes will be made wheelchair accessible.
- The new Iraqi flag will be an upside down American flag with a picture of Michael Moore’s butt on it.
- Women will have equal rights. To apply for these rights, they should send a resume to intern@cigarsinparliament.com.
Frankly, I’d be ok with all of these, as long as they make “Democracy! Whiskey! Sexy!” the new Iraqi National anthem. (explanatory reference)
LOL!!
Spot on!
May I suggest this addition:
The abbreviation “WMD” is not permitted to appear in any dictionary, news article, or other publication except for training manuals used by persons of murder.
//Frankly, I’d be ok with all of these, as long as they make “Democracy! Whiskey! Sexy!” the new Iraqi National anthem.//
So the Iraqis have already had dealings with the Kennedy’s then?
Democrats can’t run their stockings, noses, or mouths, without looking like maroons, idiots and imbeciles. How could they possibly run a country, any country.
Wait I get it, it’s a typo. You meant ruin. The democrats could ruin any country, any country at all.
What a relief!
I’m going to have nightmares after following the camel spiders link… that was terrible.
Ewwwww…
Why is it all about Heather has Two Mommies? Why can’t they use Daddy’s Roomate? Equal rights, not special rights! LMAO
http://www.models.geilenasse.com/
models
They would never change the word “terrorist” to “person of murder”. That would be judgemental, and it would imply that anyone labelled a terrorist was capable of murder, which surely is only something that only a few individuals do without the sanction of these noble freedom fighters. No, the proper word for terrorist is “Overzealous Advocate of the Oppressed”. If we would only understand, sympathize and convert (to whichever Muslim faith has the highest rating in the polls), there would no longer be these confused individuals who blow themselves up in what is only a cry for attention.
http://www.feuchte-moesen.com/
moesen