Does your child complain constantly? Does she have pictures on her wall of Ann Coulter? Does your son threaten to go “nuh-ku-ler”? Congratulations — you have yourself a little conservative. Or at least, that’s the finding from a researcher from Berkeley (City Motto: We Don’t Have a City Motto Because They’re Fascist), California.
To summarize the study: Some students were whiney and grew to become conservatives. Others had more of a ‘laissez fair’ attitude and grew to become individual strong liberals. (Hat tip: Michelle Malkin)
As you look at this study you have to ask yourself some important questions: How objective were these observations? Were they accurate? And what exactly is ‘laissez fair’? And is it allowed on prime time TV?
IMAO readers can be proud of the fact that IMAO bloggers pour over the data that others refuse to read because it may contain big words and have zero pictures. We then take this data and throw it away in favor simple words and immature drawings. (Which I’ll post later when my scanner works.)
Here is yet another Fake But Accurate Summary of the researchers and their findings.
The Berkeley Report: One kid. Two kid. Red kid. Blue Kid.
Observation: Suzie complains to the teacher: “Billy’s making fun of my hair.”
Notes: Billy seems to enjoy yanking on Suzie’s pigtails and calling her names. We do not suspect there is any misogyny involved.
Conclusion: By complaining, Suzie shows that she does not respect Billy’s right to free speech.
Observation: Suzie making fun of John’s “corn rows”.
Note: John is not your typical Caucasian so his parents got him a cool hairstyle. Suzie asked him, “Why did you get corn-rows?” This was clearly inappropriate.
Conclusion: Suzie is demonstrating an insensitivity to hairstyles and reflects a narrow-minded, mono-cultural focus.
Observation: John asked the teacher’s permission to use the bathroom.
Note: Permission is required at some fascist school organizations before one can perform perfectly normal body functions.
Conclusion: Asking permission reflects an extreme dependence on authority figures and rules.
Observation: Jimmy took a pee out the window.
Conclusion: Jimmy exemplifies free thinking.
Observation: Johnny insisted on eating his crayons.
Note: The crayons were non-toxic.
Conclusion: Possible liberal. Not limited to traditional foods, although he did seem to eat only the dark colored crayons.
Update: Johnny marked for observation for potential Republicanism.
Observation: Jill let layer of glue dry on her palm. Then she peeled it off.
Note: This is a classic time-wasting device and squandering of the earth’s precious resources.
Conclusion: Jill is wasteful and insensitive to those with bad skin conditions.
Teachers Question: “Billy, what color is this?”
Student response: “Red.”
Note: Although this is done under the guise of teaching, we question the teacher’s choice of color.
Observation: Seeing red as red is sooooo conservative.
Teacher’s Question: “Johnny, what color is this?”
Student response: (Slow to notice question because he was eating paint chips) — “Color?”
Observation: Johnny doesn’t see color. He is a total free thinker.
Observation: Little Benjamin hits a lot of the kids.
Conclusion: Benjamin has serious issues that need discipline.
Observation: Little Jamal hits a lot of the kids.
Conclusion: Jamal comes from a disadvantaged family. Further action would be racist.
Observation: Johnny likes to pretend he’s a super hero.
Note: There is nothing wrong with ‘hero play’ in moderation. We must watch these students carefully or they may take extreme jobs such as law enforcement or military duty.
Conclusion: Sad to see the pursuit of typical boy fantasy.
Observation: Bruce likes to pretend he’s a girl.
Conclusion: Healthy thinking. Potential transgender. Good “outside the box” thinking.
Update: The word “box” not meant in a sexual way.
Observation: George says “please” and “thank you” to his teacher.
Conclusion: This shows that George is too subservient and meek. We suspect more than a bit of brown nosing.
Observation: Roberto says nothing. Nothing all day.
Conclusion: There is nothing wrong with being introspective. Many of these men grow to become liberal and make wonderful same-sex husbands.
Update: Turns out Roberto did not speak English.
Observation: Moonbeam, wanders the hallways without a pass.
Conclusion: A free spirit, and bold. Fly brave spirit. Fly!
Update: Moonbeam was later abducted. If you have any information on Moonbeam, please pass it on to your local law enforcement agency.
Observation: Georgie painted a picture of Jesus using finger paint.
Note: We encouraged the student to paint same sex families but they complained about how that behavior was “sinful”.
Conclusion: This student is a typical little Jesus freak.
Observation: Hilary painted a picture of Jesus using feces.
Conclusion: Free thinking artist. Consider NEA funding.
**
We will strive to provide more of this crucial data to IMAO readers as it becomes available. I have to go now. I have Desperate Housewives on TiVo. I heard this last episode was steamy: they had laissez fair.
If they’re not whiners, why are they protesting all the time?
Frank H: When they whine, it’s “freedom of speech”.
So, essentially what they’re saying is that Conservatives were smart/blessed enough to get all of the whineyness & childish complaining out of their systems at a young age, before they went out into the world, thus making it easier to be clear about beliefs & issues & get more accomplished.
The children who were lax & didn’t get the whineyness & complaints out of their systems at a young age now have all of this childish emotion bottled up inside that gets in the way of thinking things through or forming a coherent thoughts.
Thanks Berkely, NOW I understand!
Wrong about Roberto. In California, he would have been placed in a “bilingual” (actually, Spanish-only) class simply for having the name Roberto, even if English were the only language that he spoke or understood.
My kids must be Neo-Cons, because the only time they shut the hell up is when they’re sleeping.
My sister has always been my opposite. She was always quiet, shy and timid as a child. She complained heavily and was a very finiky eater. She rarely had any friends and has been a loner pretty much her whole life. She now has some sort of severe bi-polar depressive disorder and will probably be living with my mother for most her life as she cannot function hardly at all on her own. She has aquired little real world experience, and her main knowledge set comes from California college professors and philosophy books. She tends to blame her problems on others. Did I mention she turned out to be a huge liberal?
I, on the other hand, was very outgoing as a child (I can’t really judge my whiny-ness objectively). I was a punker as a teen and all gung-ho about anarchy, was in trouble constantly and was pretty much a social deviant.
Then I grew up. I realized that life was hard and that it would not take care of itself. I saw my friends parents, whom I used to think were the coolest parents ever, in a new light. They were irresponsible and consitently broke. They blamed all their problems on anything else they could think of and they all tended to be liberal.
I finally figured out that only by taking responsibility for my life, regardless of circumstance, could I live it well.
Yup, that’s how it happens (at least in my experience). I’ve seen it happen with plenty of others tending towards one side or the other, and the key factor always seems to come down to the phrase that will strike fear into the hears of hippies and liberals alike: Personal Responsibility.
There now, that didn’t take a team of professors trying desperatly to use up an exorbitant budget.
Chuck Norris once held an anti-government protest in Washington. At the news, the government was so terrified that it disbanded immediately and declared Chuck the new President. Though pleased, Chuck’s only intent had been to lure in dirty hippies to kick their asses.
Now you try telling Chuck Norris that he was a whiny introverted child.
//Observation: Hilary painted a picture of Jesus using feces.
Conclusion: Free thinking artist. Consider NEA funding. //
So Hillary has a history of fecal use from WAY back. This explains a lot. Why does Berkeley even think they have anything meaningful to say to the world anymore? Geez, I can’t believe how deluded these morons are!! Why are my tax dollars going anywhere near to funding this crap???
Truly, my first thought when I heard the results of this stupid study was, Conservative might have been whiny as children but they grew out of it. Obviously the libs never grew up and so are still whining brats. As far as those being sure of themselves becoming liberals, that’s probably true, as they never listen to or pay any attention to anything but themselves.
A more self absorbed, selfish, self satisfied (and not the way you’re thinking – gee whiz guys) group of psuedo homosapians I have never seen. The more they claim they are doing for others the more power, control and money they make for themselves. What a racket!!!!!!
One possible interpretation: Young conservative children realize when they’re getting the shaft and speak out about it. Young liberal children think that asking to be treated fairly wouldn’t be fair to others.
IF I woke up in Berzerkley, I think I’d cry like a baby.
Thank God my (conservative) son’s application to the physics Phd program at Berkley was turned down. Plenty of other schools said yes. One less thing to worry about.
Wolfman Dan, “Berzerkley”. LOL. You rock.
Think about it. Children tend to follow their parents as role models on politics and so on. If you were raised by conservatives in the Berkeley area, wouldn’t YOU be paranoid and short fused? On the other hand, if your parents act as if they live in the best of all possible worlds, wouldn’t you be inclined to think the same?
It’s kind of like that whole “ten percent of everyone is gay” thing. Apparently people who attend sexual research lectures in NYC represent the norm of the human race throughout history. The kid study would only be valid if it had samples from other areas and a sample size much larger than the one depicted.
From page 12 of the study:
“Shifting now to the nursery school findings, the conservatives of both genders were characterized by their then teachers in psychologically unflattering terms”
In other words, these early 1970’s Berkeley social science majors (you know who we’re talking about here right?) have already figured out who the conservative kids are and are already out to get them. How are they viewed? Lets look at the “unflattering terms” they used:
– Favors conservative values
– Uncomfortable with uncertainty
– Behaves in sex-typed manner
– Is emotionally bland
– Judges self, others in conventional terms
– Is calm, relaxed in manner
– Appears straightforward, candid
– Is moralistic and self-righteous
– Behaves in ethically consistent manner – Regards self as physically attractive
In other words, a little girl who thinks she is a pretty girl (as opposed to the “Is self-dramatizing; histrionic” drama queen) is an uptight prude.
With these wacko’s asking a lot of personal questions, there’s no wonder a few of the conservatives turned out a little touchy when they got older. Anyhow, the study only followed 95 of the orgininal 128 kids. A smart conservative would get the heck out of there and not leave a forwarding address.
So what kind of men live in Berkley these days anyway? LOL! I’m not into Brokeback California…
I just realized that this could very well be what’s behind the A.D.D. movement of the last 15 years.
The liberals teaching in public school complain that the whiny tattle tale children are attention deficit, and get the parents to put them on life threatening drugs to mess the child’s mind up even more or at least make sure they don’t make it to voting age.
Since the libs are all commiting abortion on each other, they need to recruit fresh young minds and they want to weed out the kids that are too dependant on tradition and authority by making them dependant on mind altering drugs.
I smell conspiracy here.
I’m an adoptive foster parent. I do have one red kid (who wants to be a Marine) and one blue kid (who wants to be a musician/social worker). I wouldn’t classify either of them as whiny, but the red one is definitely more self-confident, more independent, and more sure of himself.