SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico: Presidential candidate John Edwards, taking a page out of recent Oscar winner and Nobel Peace Prize finalist Al Gore’s playbook, announced a bold new environmental initiative Saturday. “I’m announcing today,” proclaimed an exuberant Edwards, “an initiative that will dramatically curtail the global warming crisis that affects each and every one of us.”
“Some of the worst polluters of our age are volcanoes,” stated Edwards, “which emit millions of tons of CO2 into the atmosphere each year without any regard for the impact such emissions have on the environment.” “Today I call on the nations of the world to put an end to these Hephaestian terrors, by permanently plugging them with gigantic corks manufactured with Fair Trade, Third World labor.”
“As an act of good faith, I have dedicated a small portion of my ambulance-chasing fortune to purchasing the Soufriere Hills volcano on the Caribbean island of Montserrat.” “I call on the U.N. Security Council to allocate funding to plug my volcano, sending a message to the entire asthenosphere that we will no longer tolerate its polluting ways.” “I call on you today to plug my flaming, gas emitting hole.”
IF only the cork was a bit larger- it might be just big enough to plug up AL GORE’S pie-hole.
Now THAT would cut back on few million tons of CO2 a year.
“I call on you today to plug my flaming, gas emitting hole.”
I’ll contribute to this noble cause.
I was going to have a comment on vulcanologist John Edwards, but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you deny that gaping gaseous holes cause global warming … so I — so kind of an impasse, can’t really talk about Edwards.
I just figured this was an excuse by John Leftwards to put his finger in a dyke.
Seriously, if you want to stop the two biggest emissions of toxic fumes known to man, all it will take is several strips of duct tape to cover the mouths of Red Kennedy and Michael Mooreon.
Indigenous peoples had great luck with sacrificing people to the volcano. Maybe our friends on the “Global Warming Campaign” would like to volunteer.
After all, how better to show their commitment. Al gets to go first though. “It’s my turn, it’s my turn, it’s my turn!”
quite an awesome blog…very funny
interestingly enough (maybe even sadly) its true
this puts a twist on thangs