It’s not that John Edwards isn’t afraid of the dark, it’s just that he’s even MORE afraid of night lights.
Bonus fact from Frank J.:
At Democratic debates, John Edwards always complains about Hillary leaving the toilet seat up.
Fabulous Fact Bonus Reader Challenge:
John Edwards – ballet… make the connection in the comments.
John Edwards is intimidated by Ballet Dancers leg muscled
John Edwards’ decades of ballet lessons have given him the flexibility necessary to keep his head up his ass full-time.
John Edwards once choreographed his own ballet, but would not perform it because the leotard made his ass look fat.
John Edwards is an avid fan of Ballet, holding season tickets for his local troupe. His deepest wish is that they’d get rid of the chicks in the tutus so he can see what he really came for.
John Edwards is so talented at ballet that he can grab both ankles while his feet are in the air…
John Edwards is to ballet what French is to cooking
John Edwards missed the Bolshoi ballet because he learned he and his wife were wearing the same strapless evening gown. He wept for a week into his Hello Kitty scented pillow.
John Edwards missed the Bolshoi ballet because he learned he and his wife were wearing the same strapless evening gown. He wept for a week into his Hello Kitty scented pillow.
John Edwards missed the Bolshoi ballet because he learned he and his wife were wearing the same strapless evening gown. He wept for a week into his Hello Kitty scented pillow.
John Edwards tried out for Ballet in High School but quit after only one day, claiming that he wanted a less violent sport.
John Edwards desperately wants to do a rendition of “Swan Lake” with Harry Reid, Al Gore, Cindy Sheehan, and Hillary Clinton… in other words, an all masculine cast.
Or does that make it all feminine?
Sorry for the three-fer. the comments thingy was calling my gentle jabs at the Senatros good name malicious. As if!
John Edwards wants to be the first ballerina in the White House.
To add to PaleoMedic’s comment:
John Edwards’ Hello Kitty scented pillow has numerous bite marks on it.
During certain ballet performances, John Edwards wears his codpiece backwards.
John Edwards is the only man to ever be kicked off a Ballet troupe for being “too sissy”
John Edwards excitedly bought front-row seats when he heard that “The Nutcracker” was coming to town. He was disappointed when it turned out to be just some ballet about Christmas.
John Edwards wants to do ballet, but wearing spandex tights proved to be too abrasive to his delicate skin.
Why does John Edwards hate ballet? It’s too butch.
John Edwards broke new ground last year when he wrote, produced and performed in his own ballet named “Ode to the Blue Oyster” in assless chaps. The critics panned it as a blatent attempt to market his new line of hemorrhoid cream/hair gel to a wider audience. Thus causing the tear-stains in the afore mentioned well-used Hello Kitty pillow. “Bite on, bite HARD Johnny!”
ballet: a dance where men wear pants so tight you can see what brand of sock edwards stuffs with…
*with all due apologies to the stand up routine of robin williams
Someone tried to produce a ballet based on John Edwards’ life, but the dancers refused to look like such sissies.
During his younger years, John Edwards’ lace bed canopy held several pictures of Mikhail Baryshnikov with a slight modification. He had ever so gently pasted the hairdo of Elvis’ onto Mik’s head. Puberty was a beautiful time in John’s life.
John Edwards once held season tickets to the ballet, but he had to put them down because they were too heavy.
John Edwards never actually did ballet. That was just a lie he concocted when he was caught in the tights.
John Edwards’ tootsies are too tender for ballet.
John Edwards often poses as a ballet critic so he can get access to the boys’ dressing rooms. The dancing boys, though, see through the ruse and throw him out and call him a sissy, which makes him cry like a baby girl.
Ballet was invented as an attempt to mimic the girlish grace of John Edwards. It failed miserably.
Ballet is John Edwards’ favorite daily exercise routine: it keeps her perfect posture and toned, voluptuous figure. (also, it doesn’t mess up her hair)
Ballet is John Edwards favorite contact sport.
John Edwards considers ballet to be an ‘extreme – full contact’ sport. He often wonders why the dancers don’t end up on Wheaties boxes or Gatorade commercials.
When John Edwards leaves the ballet he is dancing on his toes and is en pointe.
Although John Edwards does like ballet and is an accomplished dancer, he really does it for the pink tutus and skin-tight leotards as they make him feel pretty.
John Edwards took ballet to make himself more manly. It worked.
John Edwards always has a spare tutu on hand, just in case he sees a spider on the ground while dancing and wets himself in fear.
John Edwards doesnt only dance the ballet , he walks it.
Mikhail Baryshnikov’s handlers take great pains to avoid exposing him to any footage of John Edwards’ speeches: the sight of Edwards’ poise and grace causes the dancer to weep with jealous shame.
Fortunately for Baryshnikov’s career, Edwards never took up ballet himself for fear that the jumping and dipping would mess up his hair.