People get angry if they get singled out for having their patriotism questioned, so I’m just going to go ahead and questions everyone’s patriotism. No one gets patriotism until it’s approved by me. I automatically get patriotism because I came up with the idea. So, go ahead and prove your patriotism in the comments, but if you can’t say something great about America without feeling the need to point out something bad about America or you can’t refer to the troops without patronizing them like they’re dumb little children, then NO PATRIOTISM FOR YOU! You get to die and go to traitor hell where Satan will torture you with hot pokers for all eternity while laughing his head off (but don’t you dare question his mercy).
UPDATE:
I have commenters that are so patriotic that it makes me feel sad and pathetic. You may all be patriotic, but you should feel bad for making me feel bad!
UPDATE 2:
Actually, that previous statement was too touchy-feely which isn’t very American. Thus I rescind it and would like to express that I’m a much better patriot than each and every one of you.
How many John Edwards Fabulous Facts do I have to come up with to earn my patriotism?
I’m so patriotic I can’t say anything un-American. That, and I live on apple pie with baseballs as a side dish.
I’m so patriotic my favorite hobby is punching liberals in their dumb monkey faces while contributing to global warming by driving an SUV powered by burning hippies.
I nominate Ayaan Hirsi Ali. I wish I were half as eloquent as her.
I was waiting to check my baggage and get my boarding pass at Omaha’s airport this past Saturday. There were some soldiers checking in a couple of dozen people ahead of me. When they had finished checking in, the sergeant with them walked back past the line. Since I really do support our troops (unlike the typical California who says that he supports our troops), I stopped the sergeant to ask whether I could buy lunch for his group. He responded that I didn’t have to, because he had called his local Subway and they had supplied it. You can approve my application for patriotism or not, but you definitely have to agree that the manager of that Subway is patriotic.
I love America because her capitalism system allows me and my fourteen brothers to own all convenience stores in our city, and then treat customers very rudely due to lack of competition!
Thank you Mr. Bush!
Everytime I hear the recording of John Wayne’s “America, Why I Love Her” I weep.
http://www.amazon.com/America-Why-I-Love-Her/dp/B00005TQM2
The rest of you are commies in comparison.
America is Hillary Clinton Awesome… Stay with me here! If America can produce, elect a Hillary Clinton as a US Senator (or probably POTUS) and still survive un-changed for the worse it is a Super Awesome country that is un-matched in history.
Application for patriotism via Email or Fax?
I need to know. I’m going into withdrawl.
I served in the military (Not in a John Kerry kind of way) and the only time someone tried to burn the stars and stripes in front of me is commemerated by my only assault and battery arrest. one of the poilce officers thanked me as he was putting on the cuffs and wouldn’t give the flag I took back because it was evidence.
I love America because I can oppress more people as a member of the wealthy class this way.
Wealthy Brits can’t even oppress their dogs.
I have faith that there will one day be a Fred Thompson. What more proof do you need?
P.S.
You may need to change the punishment for traitor hell. The perverts who hate America probably enjoy stuff like that. Maybe they should be forced to listen to speeches by “W” for all eternity. I can almost hear their wails and cries now. I would categorize them as pitiful noises, but I have no pity for such America-hating scum.
I’m so patriotic, I had the stars and stripes tattoed DIRECTLY onto my heart.
I was born on April 18th, the date of Paul Revere’s famous ride and the Doolittle raid on Tokyo.
I carry around pictures of the greatest Americans in history in my wallet at all times; Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Franklin, mostly Washington’s and Jefferson’s. I’m not much on Fifties, either bills or coinage. I yen for a General George Patton $25 bill.
My eyes are Red White and Blue. Sometimes more Red than White especially around liberals and dhimmicrats.
The Great San Francisco earthquake of 1906, when many a hippie burned, by the way, also happened on April 18th!
I only use expensive, hand-tortured American veal when I grill outdoors.
I’m so patriotic I joined the US ARMY. HOOOAH!
America allows the greatest freedom to the greatest percentage of its people in the history of man. If that ain’t a reason to be patriotic I don’t know what is.
To show my tolerance and patriotism, I only punch liberals in their dumb monkey faces until they are cured of treason.
I once shook hands with Fred Thompson and did not immediately burst into flames
If that doesn’t prove my patriotism, nothing will.
Can I get a Hooahhhh! for Spoonhead7!?
Spoonhead… Ooh Rah!
To quote Swinehound:
“I was born on April 18th, the date of Paul Revere’s famous ride and the Doolittle raid on Tokyo.”
Also I spend hours every day debating whether Lincoln or Washington was the best person ever to live.
When asked my Religion I respond “American”.
I’m so patriotic, that I sent my crippled grandmother to GITMO for waterboarding because she said that Ronald Reagan was second rate thespian.
………..and Bald Eagles prefer to nest in my front yard.
I recently came into possession of my first semiautomatic handgun.
guns = patriotism.
I served a year in Iraq with my PA Guard unit. While in Iraq I bought several copies of bootlegged Fahrenheit 9/11 that Moore never got a dime for and burned them to the sound of the Star Spangled Banner. Then, when I got home to the states, I punched a hippie.
i am so patriotic, that the other day when a hippie broke into my house and tried to log onto http://www.moveon.org, my computer refused to process the request and chose instead to self-destruct, taking out the hippie and his hemp shirt with it.
I love my country so much because my patriotism CAN be questioned. So liberal, pinko scum have the right to question my patriotism and I have the right to punch them in their ugly, screeching monkey faces. Perfect, right?
I told my uncle (who’s working with the diplomatic corp over in Iraq) that the best birthday present he could get me was a card signed by as many of the soldier over there as possible.
I also tried signing up for the military but lost out for medical reasons. (I think they also said I was too psychotic for the marines, said they wanted someone just a little less bloodthristy)
I support Victory and the further destruction of terrorists and libtards. I email my Congress Critters incessantly berating them for their stupidity. I punch hippies in their Dumb Monkey faces… with a crowbar. But most of all, As the Circle K outside of my company’s campus is near a military reservation, I personally thank each and ever soldier I see whenever I see them. I hope this passes muster.
Not only do I personally thank all servicepeople I see for their sacrifice in serving our country, I also (whenever possible) thank their wives for their sacrifice as well.
Also my grandfather was born on the 4th of July and was so conservative he made Rush Limbaugh look like a bleeding heart liberal. My dad had a picture of George W. Bush hanging on his bedroom wall, with a thank-you note for being a grassroots organizer. I’m half-Democrat on my mother’s side, but she voted for Bush too, so that shouldn’t count against me.
Currently I am unable to show proof of my patriotism. I am waiting for the statute of limitations to expire.
One reason I’ve decided to reenlist is to piss off all the libtards. Take that hippie!
I love my country….
I love it so much that I’ve sent my husband and both sons to fight for other’s freedom and ensure our own….
My dearest love has missed 6 out of the last 7 anniversaries, but the anniverary of 9/11/01 (which was HIS birthday & was the day that – THANK GOD – his father’s 9am meeting at the Pentagon was cancelled) reminds me that I cannot be selfish with what my husband has been called to do…..
I love my boys. I love my husband. I love my country.
I’m getting my concealed carry permit. Every Citizen should.
The fact that I have to get a permit to exercise my Constitutional rights pisses me off to no end.
But I’ll follow the rules, because I am a law abiding citizen.
Al Gore is a treasonous bastard. But, he buys patriotism credits to make up for it.
Scaringly enough, I’d probably pass off as a patriotic American easier than most liberals.
[Probably. I consider “American” more an attitude than simply a location. -Ed.]
I am so patriotic that I refused to get knocked up to avoid a 2nd tour of duty in Iraq, and instead went there for my honeymoon. I left my appendix at the 86th CSH in Baghdad, has anyone seen it?
I have given over 17 years (so far) of my life to the United States Air Force. In that time, I have been on numerous deployments to the middle east either in Special Operations supporting Southern and Northern watch prior to the second gulf war and I am one of the many resposible for those stories you might hear about buildings full of terrorists being destroyed by 2000 pound bombs dropped from a B-1 bomber… Supporting the ground troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. I also grew up in a family full of liberals and still managed to hang on to my logical conservative views and beliefs. I have voted republican in every election since I was old enough. (voted for Bush Sr. in 1988) I hope that qualifies as patriotic. The only vote I regret is that pro amnesty jerk Senator Martinez of Florida. But then, who else was I gonna vote for? A democrat? Ick! Who’d have guessed a man named Martinez would be pro-amnesty? You can’t count on anything anymore.
I’m patriotic because I read IMAO daily! My heroes are members of the military and their families. Who couldn’t love a country that allows the use of guns, invented the SUV, has an eagle for a symbol, beat Russia into submission, and still allows leftist kooks to speak and expose themselves for the dumbasses they are?
I have commenters that are so patriotic that it makes me feel sad and pathetic. You may all be patriotic, but you should feel bad for making me feel bad!
Frank, you’d better watch that touchy-feely-“progressive” talk or we might have to question your patriotism….
[You’re right; you all suck compared to me. -Ed.]
This article:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=sketelz
makes me happy.
If that doesn’t prove my patriotism, it should at least prove that I am not unpatriotic. Sheehan is an attention-grabber and maybe the slammer will at least keep her out of my way for the next day.
I’m so patriotic, a hippie once punched himself in the face just because I drove by and glared at him. It made me really late for work, but it was totally worth the extra hour I spent driving around that block.
Good for you Frank. Never wuss out. “Patriot.” From the Latin word thingy, meaning “big brass ones.” Or something like that. Hey! we patriots don’t need to explain nothin’!
You’re right Frank. Except for CCHEMuse, that one kinda touched my heart just a bit.
The only carrer that I have ever considered is one with our armed forces. Not sure which one yet though. And the I participate in the most patriotic activity of all: I read IMAO.
I’m escaping one of the most liberal cities in the country (Madison, WI) to go to a college that is being sued by the ACLU.
I can’t even vote yet and I’ve worked on at least one campaign for a coservative candidate in every general election since 2000.
I plan to cast my first ever vote for Fred Thompson.
I’ve been listening to Rush Limbaugh since before I could walk.
Is that good enough for you?
Frank J, you know I consider you to be the expert on just about all subjects, real or imagined, but you get to decide if I’m patriotic? Sorry, I don’t recall you winning THAT cage match…
I am so patriotic that I have raised 5 conservative republicans, Alex P. Keatons every one.
They are good citizens, they vote, one is in the National Guard, and two have already begun the next generation.
With the ancestors they have (3 WWI, 2 WWII, 1 Vietman, and 1 peace time military folks- we’re not sure about service before WW1, we haven’t traced back that far) they understand that “Freedom” isn’t free, liberty is a privilage and democracy is essential to both.
I spent 12 years of my life defending America various isms (communism, totalitarianism, etc.ism) aboard various fast attack submarines.
Between deployments, underways, and various sorties, I spent more than half of my 20’s outside our country, defending our freedom, along with 120 of my countrymen.
I’m “applying” for patriotism for us all.
While I understand that this was supposed to be a light-hearted post, I resent that fact that you have not instituted an application “waiver” for honorably discharged veterans and current active duty soldiers, sailors, marines, and airmen. And Coast Guardies, too, I suppose.
Wow! see what happens when I sign up late, all the good patriotic similies are taken. How about I’m so patriotic, if I were cut, I’d bleed red, white and blue! (though I’m betting that’s up there already and I missed it)
I also served 8 years in the Air Force, using my brain to stop the imminent commie invasion during the Clinton regime.
You’re right Frank. Except for CCHEMuse, that one kinda touched my heart just a bit.
Muah!
Should I add the kid named Reagan?? Or the other named GW?? Or that once the dummycraps took over, we just up & quit procreating?! Yep – We’re true blue!! UH ~ Red!! =0)
If I felt comfy enough with the internet I’d post our full names & you’d realize that even FrankJ looks like a sissy in comparison!! 😉
(just kidding Frank, you know we love ya!)
Oh, and how could I have forgotten… I married a girl born on the Fourth of July. Sheesh.
PS> Posted by: CCHEMuse on July 24, 2007 05:43 PM
My hat is off to you!
I’m so patriotic I’ve already voted for Fred Thompson.
Let me see: raised my kids on John Wayne movies (e.g. Sands of Iwo Jima and The Fighting Seabees); 22 years in the US By-God Navy so far; and hired a young man (my nominee for more patriotic than me) who missed his job interview because he encountered hippies burning a flag and put out the fire. With his bare hands. Called me from the ER with a nurse holding the phone up to his ear.
I’m so patriotic my crap is red, white, and blue.
How bout this: ‘Our country! In her intercourse with foreign nations, may she always be in the right; but our country, right or wrong.’ Stephen Decatur 1816. What he said.
Wayne
I’m so patriotic that I have “I support the troops” bumper stickers on the FRONT of my truck so the dumb hippies and pinko liberals can see WHY I’m running them over.
America is so great that Americans does not even know what Nationalism is.
For those Americans so Patriotic that they don’t understand this, here is a link to Orwell’s excellent essay on why Patriotism is good and Nationalism is bad.
http://www.k-1.com/Orwell/index.cgi/work/essays/nationalism.html
Well, When I was ten,(I’m 13 now.), a boy insulted Dubya. I got veeeery close to give him a slap, but turns out one logical argument was enough to put a stunned and confused look on his monkey face. 😀
Well, When I was ten,(I’m 13 now.), a boy insulted Dubya. I got veeeery close to give him a slap, but turns out one logical argument was enough to put a stunned and confused look on his monkey face. 😀