Jesus Bear
Jesus Dog
Jesus Cat
Jesus Mouse
Jesus Moose
Jesus Chicken
The broads at The View seem to think this post will make Christians flip out like crazed Sudanese Muslims.
Personally, I think it’ll make ’em go “awwwww… how CUTE!”
or
“Uh… ok, that’s kinda dumb.”
for women and men respectively.
If I’m wrong, and fanatical Christians behead me, then posting may be light for the next few days.
By the way, is there a name for the Christian equivalent of a “fatwa”?
Besides “forgiveness”, I mean.
[All the above are available from Our American Heritage, in case you’re one of the “awwwww… how CUTE!” crowd and you feel you just have to get one of your own.]
Let me check…..
Nope, no uncontrollable urge to behead anyone.
Yeah, I’m just waiting for people to flip out over Stan on South Park, too.
Been waiting for that for quite some time now.
Still hasn’t happened.
Or how Martin Scorsese had to go into hiding after The Last Temptation came out. Any day now.
And yet to Rosie O’Donell, there’s no difference between Christians and extremist Muslims.
Yeah, you’ve got the right idea, Harv. I’m a devout Christian, and I fall firmly into the “thinking it’s dumb” category. Maybe even to the point of not ever wanting such things in my home (more due to abundance of bad taste than worries of blasphemy). But still, would any church-goer or Christian I’ve ever known kick up a gigantic fuss or pursue legal action over those dumb things on display in a home, business, or school? No. Many would think they’re dumb, some would think they’re cute, lots would be ambivalent, a few might get privately perturbed, but no lynch mobs.
Barbara Walters is truly stupid.
Well, I might bite the head off a gingerbread man, but Christmas always does that to me. Not really an uncontrollable urge, I just like gingerbread cookies.
If a public school teacher named a bear Jesus, Christians wouldn’t care, but I guarantee the ACLU we issue a legal fatwa.
Okay, I am not a man, but I am in the “Uh… ok, that’s kinda dumb” camp. And the “Eww, what a bad, blasphemous taste that leaves in my mouth” camp. And the “What moron thought of that?” camp.
I think the worst I would do is to boycott IMAO, but I can’t because you guys make me laugh so darn much.
Harvey posts pics of animals in Nativity Scene spoofs.
Muslim are outraged.
You know, FrankJ was right, that fits at the end of every story. Try it, it really does work.
Hey, if we as Christians put up with ‘Veggie Tales’ for this long, then furry nativity scenes just aren’t going to make us fly airplanes into American Heritage’s offices.
Personally, I’d like my nativity scene to be portrayed by AVP/AVP-R action figures, but somehow I don’t think Mrs. ABQ would go for that.
I’m in the that’s very tacky category. It looks like something my grandmother would buy me for Christmas and then rebuke me for being blasphemous for having, but she wouldn’t behead me.
Well, they are cute.
Too cute to be with the rest of my stuff (Weapons, action movies, statues of Anubis…) and I probably wouldn’t want to get them anyways, but they’re still pretty adorable.
Those Jesus animals look a lot more like Towel-headed figurines to me.
And still as tacky.
I’m just sorry I didn’t think of that moneymaker first.
Muslims regard Jesus quite highly. I had one tell me that God “rescued” Jesus from the cross so he wouldn’t have to endure that dishonor, and that since Christians believe Jesus died on that cross, it must mean muslims revere Jesus more than Christians do! What I’m sayin’ is that the fuzzy-wuzzy nativity scenes will probably piss off more muslims than Christians.
I’m sitting here trying to think of things that don’t piss off muslims, and I’m really struggling…
Animal Messiah? C.S. Lewis beat them to it. And I don’t think anybody every issued a fatwa against him.
We once had a nativity set made of candles. Shaped like humans (not Chickens or Bears etc.) Beautiful figurines, and they glowed like they had halos when we first lit them. Then their heads all melted off.
If I didn’t find “melted-headless-zombie” nativity blasphemous I’m not going to get too worked up about Bear cub Jesus.
I’m not too sure about the Cat nativity though. Cats are Evil. creeps me out like having Hillary dressed up as Santa.
“AVP/AVP-R” What’s that BBQ?
The dog one has Chihuahuas… that’s just weird… it should have more German Shepherds, since they kick ass… German Shepherds with guns… and… laser beams… and… IMAO T-Shirts
I’m a 100% heterosexual male, but I’ve gotta tell you, I think that they’re kinda funny and cute. Not that I would own them, but…
And to me, the fact that someone would be putting up a nativity scene for others to see, regardless of the species of the characters, says a lot. The thought is still there.
I am ANGERED!!!! Can I behead everyone at The View now???
By the way, is there a name for the Christian equivalent of a “fatwa”?
Does the Catholic Church still use the “Papal Bull” for religious pronouncements &c.? I remember the term from history class…
ChrisA-
The ‘Aliens vs. Predator’ movie & the sequel coming out Christmas day. I’m so excited!
Seriously, how awesome would a nativity scene featuring those characters be?
The anti-islamic equivalent of a fatwah is the “Whatfa”.
We need to issue a Whatfa against Harvey for the excessive cuteness of his post.
The characters from AvP go perfect in any scene really. Take for instance http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f25/phareg/WHAT.jpg
Now if you will excuse me, I need to go buy a cat nativity scene.
That might be pretty cool. I started thinking about one with our favorite bloggers. You could have FrankJ and SarahK (hurry up and make a mini Frank), Michelle Malkin could be in there, the puppy blender could be whirring up those Chihuahuas from the other one. Harvey could be one of the wise men, who grabs the wrong bag of gifts and brings Guiness, cigars, and porn. The possibilities are endless…
yes. these anger me. so much that i intend to kill Harvey. soon as he converts first, though. wouldn’t want to send anyone to the hot place…
but as for AlanABQ’s disrespect for VeggieTales? his death will be immediate.
Harvey-prepare to die.
Harvey-prepare to die.
The Bible-waving Guy at the GOP Debate
Yes. I feel the rage boiling up inside me even now. No, wait… My bad. Too much diet coke at lunch.
Another great call from our resident atheist. Count me in the eye-roll camp; my fiancee would be in the “Awww, how kyoooooot!” camp, especially about the bears.
But seriously, baby Jesus as a Bichon Frise? More like a Siberian/Timberwolf cross, or some breed that can kick a$$ when the situation requires it….
Small dogs give me the creeps.
“Well, they are cute.
Too cute to be with the rest of my stuff (Weapons, action movies, statues of Anubis…) and I probably wouldn’t want to get them anyways, but they’re still pretty adorable.”
#10 – Posted by: Hazel on December 5, 2007 01:40 PM
Well… I don’t think Harvey has to worry about Christians being outraged… but I’d watch out for Hazel, evidently she worships a death god…
Worshiping death gods should probably be a turn off.. but for some reason… not so much….
Pretty sure I’m not offended.
Wait. Let me double-check.
Wait for it…..
Nope, not offended. Disgusted, perhaps, but that’s because I’m a woman who doesn’t do cutesy-poo in the first place.
“Well, I might bite the head off a gingerbread man”
So long as you scream “Allahu Akbar!” while doing it, Barbara’s got your back.
My neighbors just put up a display with a blow-up Mickey Mouse in a Santa suit. I have been considering responding with a complete creche composed of assorted inflate-a-dates. The Angels would be great. they would look like they are singing “O Holy Night”.
However, I still am suffering with rejection issues associated with inflated ladies. I was just starting to get passionate with my last one and bit her on the butt. She farted and flew out the window.
I am still in therapy.
Musims are outraged.
Damn, Burt, but that was funny. I needed it, too, because I’m about to enter a meeting that will involve my boss hallucinating for two and a half hours.
Burt, that was a little disturbed and possibly TMI, but this broad got a chuckle from your “O Holy Night” angels.
I think that they are cute and I would definitely buy the dogs…if I were Christian…which I’m not, but dang it if those dogs aren’t so dang cute.
INFIDELS ! I am so disgusted by your heresy ! There, you angered me so much I beheaded myself! Someone get me a towel !
And it’s Burt FTW. That was sooo wrongly funny, man. I bet you never thought you’d get a Cleveland Steamer in that manner, did you?
LOL!!!
Infidel…
I declare a jihad on you. But the beheading will need to wait till after Hanukkah and Christmas.
Do you mind my putting it off till after New Years?
Maybe we can find a Christian Rage Boy.
evidently she worships a death god…
Not so much “worship” as “find among the coolest of the Ancient Egyptian deities.” And not so much “death” as “embalming (and sorta death, too).” Also, there seem to be more statues made nowadays of him than any of the other gods. Bast (cats) is the other really popular one.
Personally, I like Ma’at (truth & justice). She still has a good deal to do with the afterlife, though… If your heart is heavier than her feather, you get fed to a crocodile-lion-hippo.
LOL the moose & chicken were the best. Anyone says different should be burned at the stake house. After being stuck with the bill!
LOL #14. “Then their heads all melted off.”
EVERY time I talk to someone I’m going to try and work that in! Either I’ll get better stuff for Christmas, or lots of drugs from the nice nurse. It’s a win no matter what.
Jesus is a black bear.
#39 – Posted by: Hazel on December 5, 2007 05:32 PM
Ah, Egyptian mythology, its been awhile… I’ll continue to call Anubis a death god, pretty much all Egyptian gods are death gods but its easier this way. Horus, god of vengeance, the sky, and having a hawk head, is my favorite.
Ma’at, um is she the one who went on the wholesale rampage? Ugh, my Egyptian mythology is so rusty..
The only religious idols I have in my room are my models of the USS Enterprise (Aircraft Carrier, not the starship) and the Arizona. Don’t try to tell me they aren’t religious idols, I built a shrine to the Arizona.
After we behead Harvey, can we get the Mexicans named Jesus next?
USS Enterprise (Aircraft Carrier, not the starship)
There’s an aircraft carrier? Hmm. Well, by all means, worship whatever you wish. Who am I to stop you?
And I haven’t heard of her going on any rampage… though now I’m just gonna go crazy all night trying to figure out who that actually was. I’ll throw in a random comment when I do.
Sekhmet, goddess of war, destruction, and healing (Just power in general).
Awwwwwwwwwwww.
#46 – Posted by: Hazel on December 5, 2007 07:42 PM
I should of known that…. Well I guess I really need to brush up on my Egyptian mythology.
One of the funniest things I’ve ever seen here…
Harvey, do you have one of “This is your brain on Jesus?” Versus not? LOLOLOLOLOL
Okay, peeps, here’s the deal:
My little sister has always wanted to rent a bulldozer and use it to shove all the decoration from those houses with waaaaayyyyy too many lights, inflatables, creches, moving reindeer, etc etc etc (you get the picture) into a pit. I, on the other hand, want to get an air gun and drive around, taking out the inflatables in style.
I think I have found the crowd to help us.
Since IMAO readers are scattered around the country, should we agree on a time and date and let the anarchy begin?
BTW I am a Christian who thinks the true meaning of Christmas was forgotten long, long, ago, and that believers should give up this holiday to the secular forces (including anthropomorphized animal creches) and concentrate on Resurrection Day (Easter to you pagans). That’s what it was all about, y’know.
Had monkeys been used in the nativity scene, I’d have had to do some shootin, but since not, I’ll just roll my eyes.
#50 – Posted by: Granny Boo on December 5, 2007 09:25 PM
Sounds like fun, but I don’t have the money to rent a bulldozer, and I haven’t shot an air-gun in awhile…. Oh well I’m in! Wait is this to make some kind of point? Not because it matters, I love anarchy, but because I’m curious.
Pretty lame stuff. Where’s the ninja crèche?
They’re just… tacky.
I dunno, beheading sounds kind of hash-and messy.I think 40 lashes will sufice…
Does the Ninja Creche feature the three Daimyo?
And, uh, can you even SEE it?
Ninja creche. I am dying over here. “Greetings- we three bear gifts for the newborn King. But he cannot know what they are, or we would have to kill him.”
Then, having been warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they went anyway, punched him in the face, burned down his palace, and got away unseen in the confusion.
Darn…I’m too busy stealing money from the poor and making fun of sick children to do any beheading until after Christmas.
Does the Cat Nativity Scene need to be set up in a litter box ???
Would that outrage Muslims ?
Where’s the Southpark Christmas Critter serries?
The Jesus moose is teh superior.
Because, you know..Mooses we’re around with Sabertooths and Mammoths..and look where they are now. Fr teh Moozes
I’m about as conservative a Christian Bible thumper as one can be without departing from the Bible, and While I don’t care for those thing, I’m no where near being even irritated, let alone “behead the heathen!”
Awwwwwwwww!! I like the Jesus Moose. But where can I get a Jesus Chinchilla?
I’m not offended but I do think we are being unfair to our Muslim brothers by not adding a representation of Muhamaudd. Maybe a snake or a croc. or a pig for instance.