Archive of entries posted on July 2012

Random Thoughts: Ewe People

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I don’t like the idea of hipster conservatives. With my “punch hippies” policy, we could end up in a friendly fire situation.

It’s steal legal to oppose gay marriage?

Finished first two books of Game of Thrones. They seem to eat a lot of lamprey pie; does that become a major plot point?

Private sector businesses are just so evil; do we really want to elect someone who worked at one?

I hate it when a tall person sits in front of me at the movie theater and then masturbates.

Just what the economy needs: a war on successful people.

Obviously, with economy so bad, anyone successful right now must be a witch.

I would like Mitt Romney to release his tax returns or give me $50.

My main goal in life is to be a good person. If that seems too hard, I might settle for rich and successful, though.

In my America, anyone who talks about the wealthy “paying their fair share” would be immediately deported.

That’s not an anti-speech policy; whining isn’t speech.

Half lamb/half man mutants get really offended when you call them “ewe people.”

“Obama, you didn’t kill bin Laden. We did that.” -Navy SEALs

Congratulations to Obama for finally having a speech with a memorable line. #YouDidntBuildThat

When the big movie this weekend is about a rich guy punching poor people, I don’t know why Mitt Romney isn’t more popular.

Obama hates the free market only so much as in one hates what one doesn’t understand.

Anytime I make someone angry, I know that I really hit a nerve with the truth. Or I was a huge jerk.

“On the 7th day, Obama dropped by and said, ‘You didn’t build that!'”

So we misheard “you people,” but did we hear the part where Ann Romney said “I’m going to dance a horse on Obama’s grave!” right?

Proof That Libyans Read IMAO

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[High Praise! to Veeshir for making the connection]

Headline from the Daily Mail Online:

“Shocking new video shows Gaddafi’s body ‘being used by rebels as ghoulish ventriloquist’s doll'”

From In My World: Buck Goes to Liberia Part II

“Instead of just showing the dead bodies of Uday and Qusay, we came up with something more creative,” Condoleezza Rice said, turning on a TV and putting in a tape.

“We strung up those two bastards like marionette puppets and made them dance!” Rumsfeld laughed.

Nuke the Moon – the Early Years: Nuking the Sky

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[High Praise! to The Puppy Blender]

5 guys standing around joking & laughing as a 2-kiloton nuke goes off 3.5 miles over their heads:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #316,438)

Although not without the standard-issue nukes-are-icky liberal boilerplate, the article at NPR is still quite informative about the background for this video. Especially the “where are they now” summary. You can almost see the tearstains on the author’s keyboard upon discovering that all 5 men weren’t dead from cancer within the year.

Global Warming Proven! Hottest Summer Ever!… in 1936

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[High Praise! to Transterrestrial Musings]

All the dry, charty numbers & science blah-blah are at World Climate Report, but here’s the interesting part:

we’ve compiled the top five years when the most records were set. When multiple years tie for the high, each individual year gets a fraction of a “record”. So, for example, 1954 and 1933 each get a half of a record for Colorado.

I forget… will questioning Global Warming get me put on Big Sis’s terrorist watch list?

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UPDATE: Linked by I’m a Man, I’m 41

UPDATE: Linked by Doug Ross

Obama & Biden Not the Dynamic Duo: 23 Other Famous Pairs They Might Be

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Via The Examiner:

In a tweet sent out Sunday, the campaign showed President Obama and Vice President Biden high-fiving under the headline “Dynamic Duo.”

Ok, that’s one possibility.

Here are some others:
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Elmer Fudd & The Wed Button

1) Abbot & Costello

2) Laurel & Hardy

3) Brian & Stewie

4) Thing 1 & Thing 2

5) Chip & Dale

6) George & Gracie

7) Jules & Vincent

8) Master & Blaster

9) Sauron & Saruman

10) Lenny & Squiggy

11) Those freaky albino dreadlock twins from “Matrix: Reloaded”. I forget their names. Did they even HAVE names?

12) Cake & death

13) Two by two, hands of blue

14) Boris & Natasha

15) Fred & Ginger. Not the dancers, the creepy slug-like creatures from Splice.

16) Timon & Pumbaa

17) Jay & Silent Bob

18) R2-D2 & C3P0

19) Harold & Kumar

20) Bert & Ernie

21) Statler & Waldorf

22) Lenny & Carl

23) Ren & Stimpy

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I was going to mention Paris Hilton & her purse-chihuahua, but then I remembered that Tinkerbell can speak in public without stuttering.

Like/Dislike Poll of People on the Right

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John Hawkins of Right Wing News surveyed right-wing bloggers on right-wing people to see who is most popular and who is most unpopular? Is Meghan McCain more liked than Thomas Sowell? How does Paul Ryan stack up against David Frum? Is there a single person out there who strongly likes David Brooks? Check it out and you will not be surprised! Though actually, who is popular and who isn’t is pretty interesting.

UPDATE: Previous link was to Right Wing News’s old poll

This’ll Probably Get Me Put on a Homeland Security Watchlist

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[High Praise! to Mr. Happy’s World]

Unapologetic, unvarnished, pop-culture patriotism, without a shred or humor, derision, or irony.

If you’ve forgotten what it looks like, or if you’re young enough that you’ve never seen such a thing before, here it is, circa 1939, back before Alaska & Hawaii became states, and – it should be noted – even before the phrase “under God” was added to the pledge:

Porky Pig in “Old Glory”


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #203,417)

Losing to Canada

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Canada’s has always been like the U.S.’s much less successful younger brother. We’re this rich businessman and adventurer who has been on the cover of every magazine, while Canada is going to make manager at McDonald’s any day now and has gotten a speaking role in the community theater’s production of Beauty and the Beast and we’re really proud of him.

Except now Canadians are richer than us.

I guess following the analogy, Obama is like a brain virus the successful businessman gets… or maybe a cocaine habit that makes him lose everything. And now the younger brother is the one with his life together.

Yep, we’re now being outpaced by those maple syrup-swilling moose jockeys up north. Thanks Obama!

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UPDATE: Linked by Quotulatiousness

8 Pieces of Advice from Obama’s Jobs Council

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So apparently Obama has a jobs council since he’s so focused on jobs, but he hasn’t met with them in six months. Of course, considering the sort of people Obama would put in a jobs council, they didn’t really have the greatest output anyway. Here’s some advice that came from them:

OBAMA JOBS COUNCIL ADVICE

“I checked the book of Job in the Bible for some ideas. How about a deal with the devil?”

“We looked up ‘job’ on Wikipedia, but then we clicked on one of the links in it and then another link and another and somehow eventually ended up on a page about the Metal Gear Solid video game and decided to play video games. So new job idea: soldier cloning program.”

“Can we hire someone to fetch us drinks? That would be a job.”

“Apparently lots of jobs involve lifting heavy stuff and people making sure you do your work well and on time. They sound awful. Are we sure we want to inflict more of those on the country?”

“If we made more jobs councils, we could hire people for those.”

“How about some sort of jobs creating robot? We could program it also to not kill humans… though that probably is the easiest way to open up more jobs.”

“We were going to talk to someone who has created a business before, but none of us know anyone like that.”

“I got the solution: A jobs bill.”

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UPDATE: Linked by YouViewed