Archive of entries posted on July 2012

Random Thoughts: Pie Cake

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Have we ever considered turning Canada into a prison colony?

I’m trying to invent the “pake”. It’s a pie crust filled with cake and frosting.

If Obama’s government is responsible for success in America, why has he made so little success lately? What a jerk.

I made my pake but Obama said, “You didn’t build that!” and then ate it all and then ran off before Michelle saw him.

Chris Christie will give the GOP convention keynote speech so there will be at least one hour there’s access to the buffet table.

Instead of higher taxes, why don’t we just throw rich people into volcanoes to appease the economic fairness gods?

Topic for Chris Christie’s keynote speech: “Are you going to finish that?”

Man I’d love to hear some of the genius that went on in Obama’s jobs council. “Someone should make some jobs… I think.”

My main question for the new Dark Knight movie: Is Bale’s Batman voice just as ridiculous as ever?

How close are we to a real life Robocop? I hope closer than we are to robocriminals.

Saying yes to killing bin Laden was kind of a no duh decision. Another no duh decision: Saying no to selling guns to Mexican drug cartels.

It always kind of bothered me that when I asked SarahK to marry me, she had the diamond on her ring appraised before giving an answer.

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UPDATE: Linked by Traction Control

If Obama Designed a Chicken Sandwich

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It’s a KFC chicken sandwich. With a slice of cheese on top of the bun.

“The first and only cheese topped bun burger with KFC’s signature Original Recipe chicken patty with rich Garlic Parmesan dressing. Satisfy your craving with KFC’s new Cheese Top Burger!”

Currently only available in the Philippines.

I’m tempted to say it’s a bad idea, but it’s from the same people who invented the Double Down, which uses fried chicken in place of a bun as a bacon-and-cheese delivery mechanism, so maybe they know what they’re doing.

On the other hand, I just can’t shake the picture out of my head of Obama saying to himself. “I like chicken sandwiches, but it needs something. I know! A slice of cheese!” Then he hands the job off to the moron who designed the new Democrat “D” logo.

Punisher Fan Video Better Than the Original Movie

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I’m not going to embed it because it’s full of swears & brutally graphic crappy-CGI violence.

However, I assume there are a few fans of the original Punisher movie amongst you Nukers, so if that shoe fits, wear this.

I should mention that it stars Thomas Jane (the original Punisher), and includes an appearance by Ron Perlman.

But if that’s not your shoe size, then here’s a nice Sherman’s Lagoon comic strip for you:

Link of the Day: Guess Who’ll Never Be Replaced by Robots?

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[High Praise! to Vantage Point of the One-Eyed Jack]

Intelligence causes unemployment

Some thoughtful economic pondering, and the last paragraph is just precious.

I’ll add this, though, against the argument that efficiency produces unemployment.

Yes, short-term, but as the efficiencies result in a lower final cost to a product, demand will rise, and the industry will expand because of the lower price-point.

Think cars, computers, and cell phones.

Not to mention increased jobs in the support & infrastructure industries surrounding those cheaper products.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Entrepreneur Rookie Following Configuration Welfare Is Fair

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From Jim Treacher:

If you can read this, thank an entrepreneur.

From John Moe:

Since Romney is a veteran businessman, his VP really ought to be a hothead rookie businessman who businesses by his own set of rules.

From Drew M.:

Before Twitter, if I got emails saying “x is following you” I’d be very scared.

From Jonathan Coulton:

1% inspiration, 10% perspiration, 89% software configuration.

From David Burge:

That welfare check? Somebody else made that happen.

From Kurt Schlichter:

I am a Conservative: It is essential to liberalism that you not be a success. Why? Because if you are you don’t need liberals. #caring

From Jon G.:

“That’s not fair!” — A liberal quoting my 3-year-old.

10 of the Lots of Things on Obama’s Plate

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Asked why Obama’s hasn’t met with his Job Council for 6 months, Jay Carney said “there’s no specific reason except that the president’s obviously got a lot on his plate.”

[INSERT DOG-EATING JOKE HERE]

So, what else has been presidential platter-plugging since January?:
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Polishing his “Osama the Dead Terrorist” ventriloquist act.

1) Congratulatory slut-calls.

2) Working up an attack strategy for that tricky par 3 4th hole at Andrews.

3) Shuffling through mountains of potential names for the cradle-to-grave welfare-woman cartoon poster-child.

4) Up until late June, it was nothing but wait for the SCOTUS call on Obamacare, bite nails, bleed, bandage, repeat.

5) Researching whether there was a snootier-sounding way to pronounce “POCK-e-ston” (there isn’t).

6) Figuring out who his son would’ve looked like. Also, how he would’ve felt about Skittles.

7) Taking Russian yoga class for increased post-election flexibility

8) Finding excuses to sneak out of the White House without Michelle so he can get a meal that doesn’t include those deadly poisonous Toxic Avenger veggies from the White House garden.

9) Working on plan to come out as 1/32 Cherokee. Still looking for plagiarized recipes he can use as evidence. Also, having a devil of a time arranging surgery for cheekbone implants.

10) Busy creating shovel ready jobs, aka shallow graves for Fast & Furious documents.
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Of course, lately he mostly spends his time doodling tophats & monocles on pictures of Mitt Romney.

UPDATE: Reliapundit at The Astute Bloggers weighs in on the topic

How to Be An American

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John Sununu commented, “I wish this president would learn how to be an American.” This made some liberals whine and squeal, but they’re always whining and squealing so that’s not really worth noting. And he has a point as Obama grew up at a madrassa in Indonesia so is probably confused by our American ways. Luckily, I teach a class on being an American down at the Y. Here are some of tips I’ve compiled:

HOW TO BE AN AMERICAN

Punch hippies.

Never ever whine.

Be happy for rich people.

Never turn to government to solve a problem.

Put bacon on everything.

Never apologize for being awesome.

Take responsibility for your own fate.

Carry a firearm.

Dress up as a bat in your spare time and punch poor people.

Hate all taxes.

Wrestle a grizzly bear.

Land on the moon.

Be aware of other countries but never bother to know much about them.

Be wealthy.

Build a robot suit and fight terrorists.

Master the headbutt.

Consider government an obstacle, not a savior.

Don’t ever claim you have to forcefully take money from others for the purpose of “freedom”.

Uppercut a moose.

Don’t whine about what you think you deserve but instead strive to be worthy the advantages you were given.

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What are your tips on being an American?