In my new PJ Media column, I look at how whining has evolved throughout the ages, from the whining about the cut of mammoth one got to the much more advanced whining of today. Who know what wonderful things we’ll whine about in the future?
I can’t take credit for writing the column myself, though; someone else invented all the words and the grammar.
The Bitter Clinger #ObamaComicBookVillains
The Community Disorganizer #ObamaComicBookVillains
Drudge #ObamaComicBookVillains
The Job Seeker #ObamaComicBookVillains
Strict Constructionist #ObamaComicBookVillains
Self-Made Man #ObamaComicBookVillains
Dr. Austerity #ObamaComicBookVillains
The Married Couple #ObamaComicBookVillains
If the President still needs them, I think they have some American classes at the Y.
Oh, poor New York and the problems they have with their multiple pro sports teams. Lucky I’m here in Boise, waiting for college football.
Romney worked for Bain and Gotham is being terrorized by Bane which sounds the same. Also, Obama was a very bad president the past 4 years.
I’m a leading expert on American-ness.
Know how Obama could really shake things up? By growing a massive ‘stache.
That would also make it really easy years later to identify footage of first term Obama from second term Obama.
Politicians shouldn’t have free speech. I’m not really sure why we let them talk at all.
Just because Obama doesn’t like this country and probably wasn’t born in it doesn’t mean Romney and his surrogates should be disrespectful.
If I had two homes I’d keep one clean for guests and live in the other.
If there’s a problem in Mitt’s tax returns, he needs to get them out now. If there’s nothing, he should draw this out as long as possible.
To increase interest in the Olympics this year, they’re adding the Hunger Games.
Bronze or silver won’t be much consolation in that event.
Know what would be a really cute place to work at? A baby insane asylum.
It’s a tricky thing to diagnose a baby as criminally insane, but I do it a lot.
If someone has a great sense of humor, he’ll be very discriminating and thus exclaim “That’s not funny!” a lot.
Pretty much everything in life is in 3D. 2D things are much more remarkable.
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UPDATE: Linked by The View Through the Windshield
Ok, so people all fainting at a rally, and Obama says to call the “paralegals.”
In that vein:
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* Locked out of your house? Call a key grip.
* Need someone to help you at Best Buy? Call a best boy.
* Child running around the room uncontrollably? Call a babysitter.
* Need a good dark beer? Call a porter.
* Need some hay put up in the loft? Call a bailiff.
* Need to rent a fancy new car? Call a caddie.
* Need a raised wooden area to set your patio furniture on? Call a decorator.
* Need a package delivered? Call Philip J. Fry.
* Uncomfortable intestinal gas buildup? Call a tutor.
* Automotive trouble? Call a carpenter.
* Phonograph not working? Call a stylist.
* Need protection from assassins? Call a gardener.
* Planning a bar mitzvah? Call a jeweler.
* Trouble with the Hubble? Call an astrologer.
* Yard invaded by giant reptiles? Call a navigator.
* Back hurt? Call a painter.
* Need to win a drinking game? Call a quartermaster.
* Looking for a broadcast DJ? Call a radiologist.
* Need a horseback ride to the blown up remains of the Statue of Liberty? Call a tailor.
* Autopen not signing the bottom of your documents? Call an underwriter.
* Need a hip-hop artist to perform at your next party? Call an usher.
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Above all, this November 11th, remember to thank a veterinarian.
[High Praise! to Mrs. C.]
From the page of Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy:
The idea is simple. Tweet using #ObamaCareCaptionContest and fill in the blanks: “It only took 15 minutes to pass ObamaCare, BUT _______________ .” If you prefer, you can submit on Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy’s Facebook page.
As you wish:
“It only took 15 minutes to pass ObamaCare, BUT… wait… that was MY 15 minutes. DAMMIT! Now I’ll NEVER be famous!”
During an interview on CBS, President Obama said, “Washington feels as broken as it did four years ago.”
Oh… you mean back when Democrats controlled both houses of Congress?
From The Onion’s video channel:
“New Prius Helps Environment By Killing Its Owner”
[CAUTION: Contains graphic cartoon violence. Threat Level: Itchy & Scratchy]
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #86,695)
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UPDATE: Linked by Robomonkey
[High Praise! to Jimmy]
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Uncle Jimmy’s Top Ten List – Where Obama Thinks Businesses Come From
(drum roll, please….\ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / )
10) It Takes A Village
9 ) The kindness of strangers
8 ) Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood block grants
7 ) Jimmy Carter’s Habitat for Oh The Humanity
6 ) Off the backs of hobos and hippies
5 ) People with change in their hearts and hope in their pockets
4 ) People building roads with shovels, carrying cement in buckets
3 ) Your tired, your poor, your huddled masses
2 ) The collective subconscious
and the number one place Where Obama Thinks Businesses Come From:
1 ) Allah!
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Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Obama’s marketing a new energy drink…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
[High Praise! to Irritable Pundit]
3 pictures you need to see.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Now, some folks are dinging the President because, in response to people fainting at his rally, he said “call a paralegal” before correcting himself.
But, credit where it’s due, he DID correct himself.
However, in 2007, after a tornado in Kansas killed 12 people, he said there were “10,000 dead.”
He didn’t correct himself:
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #24,882)
But there’s two more things to notice in this clip. First, the guy behind Obama on the stage, nodding gravely as Obama tosses out the 10,000 number, when he SHOULD have had a WTF look on his face.
Where’s Joe Wilson when you need him?
The other thing…
What the hell is up with Obama’s “I Have a Dream” accent & cadence? It’s like MLK Impression Night at the Improv.
The man is a cheap huckster, a shill, a carnival barker. He should be selling tickets to a tent containing a jar holding a two-headed pig fetus that’s labeled “Space Alien”.
Submit entries to lolterizt@gmail.com
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
From James:
[reference link]
From Kris:
From James:
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From Kris:
From Kris:
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From Travelwise42:
My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From Arik:
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From Arik:
From Corona:
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From James:
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From jb:
From jb:
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From jb:
From Travelwise42:
From jb:
[reference link]
This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:
I say it’s a toss-up between Arik for remembering the Sean Young Catwoman incident and jb for knowing who the heck Dame Edna is.
What say you?
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
IMAO is getting his with literal Obamabots. Look at this comment to a recent post:
Bane says:
I think Romney’s tenure at Bain & Company and Bain Capital is a weakness because it associates him with vulture capitalism even though some in the media try to cast it as a strength. Come November more and more people will realize that buying companies, raiding their pension funds, and offshoring their operations is not a good background from a head of state. By the way, the summer movie season and specifically the Dark Knight Rises should help. I came across this website and thought it was funny. It says that Romney may be the Bane of Existence using a pun involving the villain Bane and Bain Capital.
I know what you’re thinking: “How could you tell this was a bot when the comment sounds so natural?”
Yeah, really. I especially love how at the end he explicitly explains the Bain/Bane pun since someone who might vote for Obama would probably be dumb enough to be confused by that.
Still, this Bane thing is kind of risky for Obama to cling to. For one, the different spellings does make it a little awkward in a written parody. Also, apparently Bane in the movie is not some corporate guy trying to get rich but instead someone stirring up class warfare and hatred of the rich. Doesn’t that remind you a lot more of Obama?
Finally, between Obama and Romney, who is more likely to be Batman? Doesn’t Romney just fit the profile of someone so bored by his riches that at night he dresses up as a bat and punches poor people?
Obama: “If you were successful, somebody along the line gave you some help.”
No. They didn’t “help” me.
They traded with me. Cash for goods & services.
Ditto your precious roads & bridges & internet, although getting taxes taken out of my hide wasn’t exactly VOLUNTARY.
Still, a transaction in not the same as charity. Don’t use language that conflates them.
Obama wants you to know that if you’re rich and successful, it’s not because you’re smart and hard working, it’s because government helped you out. So why isn’t government helping me be rich? What is it with Obama and his lazy stupid government making so few people rich these days? I pay my taxes; make me rich, Obama.
I’m waiting.
Oh! I got something from Obama in the mail! I bet it’s about making me rich…
No. It’s just food stamps.
