Remember, your odds of winning Powerball are much lower than being hit by a car. Especially if I'm driving and see you in line for a ticket.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) August 7, 2013
I hate those unrealistic films where people do interesting things and become better people.
— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) August 7, 2013
PBS is producing a "Pride & Prejudice" sequel. It's called "2 Proud, 2 Prejudiced."
— Rob Kutner (@ApocalypseHow) August 7, 2013
Men love Game of Thrones because it focuses on the truly thrilling part of sex: siring heirs
— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 7, 2013
I've wasted a lot of time in my life but at least I don't have a favorite golfer.
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) August 8, 2013
All the whores and Buzzfeed writers will look up and shout "More Grumpy Cat memes!" and I'll look down and whisper, "No."
— Sadvil (@crylenol) August 8, 2013