It’s day 9 of the family shutdown and my wife and I aren’t any closer to coming to an agreement on where to go to dinner.

— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) October 9, 2013

Ah, but by allowing myself to get caught I have committed an even greater evil…contributing to the overcrowding of America's prison system

— Dammit, Joe (@FreeAsCheap) October 9, 2013

the google search bar becomes sentient and threatens to expose my history to the world. i search "how to stop a living google." 0 results.

— Chuuch (@ch000ch) October 9, 2013

Halloween is my favorite way to teach kids about extortion.

— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) October 9, 2013

We're pretty trusting of nougat to never ask what it actually is.

— Nick Ross (@NickBossRoss) October 9, 2013

"Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back" – Eminem at the Build-a-Bear workshop for the 23rd time in a week

— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) October 10, 2013