People are always saying to me, “Frank, we want to hear more of your thoughts about Iraq. It is an important issue, and we need your wisdom.” Well, here are some things I have been thinking:
* Anyone ever think of doing a “Taco for suicide belt” exchange? If someone has a choice between blowing themselves up and a free taco… well that’s not really a choice, is it?
* There’s a number of socio-economic reason that can lead people to become insurgents, but whatever their reason, they all die just the same when shot by Marines.
* If things really start improving, the DNC might start funneling money to Al Qaeda in Iraq. This is allowed by McCain-Feingold since the group is acting in the Democrats’ political interest.
* Do Muslims have anything against puppies? I really think you can always calm down a situation by adding more puppies. Just make sure Michael Vick doesn’t get involved.
* People who want to blow up lots of innocent people probably aren’t right in the head. Maybe Iraq needs more mental health facilities. Or maybe they need to remove those faulty heads.
* Apparently Iran is supplying weapons to some of the insurgents. This could be a real benefit to us. All American troops need to do is pretend to be Shiites and they can get free weapons. This will allow us to keep the war going if Democrats cut off funding.
* If an increase in American troops really can bring peace, maybe they should try it in Chicago.
* All we really want from countries in the Middle East is hope that they can have a better future through freedom. We’ll certainly settle for fear of our god-like wrath, though.
* Maybe one day all of the Middle East can join together in something like the European Union. Then they’d all combine they’re power to be one huge, toothless entity. Wouldn’t that be awesome?
* I still don’t understand what continent Iraq or the Middle East is technically in. It’s kinda confusing since they’re all right there in… ya know… the middle.
* I keep hearing from U.S. military people who were over there about how they help build schools. I wonder if the teachers let the children know how the school came to be? “Little Omar, you know those people who came to this country and blew up so much stuff and killed so many people? They built this school. And, if you don’t pay attention to your teacher, they’re coming back!”
* If Iraqis are happy, American are happy too. Except for the Democrats. Happy Iraqis makes them sad. Poor Democrats.
* Maybe to help the situation in Iraq, Bush should have talks with leaders of Iran and Syria. When they’re all seated at a table together talking, then Bush can pull out a gun and shoot them in the face. I can’t believe they fell for that!
* If Iraq becomes prosperous, it will prove that people other than just the Jews can be successful in the Middle East. This will give hope for everyone.
* I hear that more Muslims are turning against suicide bombing. Originally, they thought it would only be used against Jews and Americans, but now they’ve found out from Iraq that it could be used against them. Sure, suicide bombing can be fun, but getting homicided by it sucks.
* I hope in the end the insurgents take this lesson from Iraq: You don’t make many friends blowing people up… unless you’re Americans.
* When things are settled and the American troops leave Iraq, I hope the last thing the Iraqis say to them is, “Thanks for killing so many bad people.” That’s all our military ever wanted to hear.
You pretty much nailed it, Frank! So how can all the high-priced reporters and reporterettes employed by the large newspapers and Networks miss wisdom like this? If they just reported stuff like this the American people would then understand what is going on and would a) support the military and b) impeach the current members of congress…
Frank, I hate to ahead of myself, but I believe in pre-planning as much as possible. Can you help begin the process of brain-storming ideas for Disney Oasis? Now that our fighting men and women in Baghdad are finally getting the respect they deserve, capitalism dictates we’ll have to build them and the Iraqi people their own theme park, don’t you think?
-Free ‘E’ ticket upgrade for suicide vest exchange on Slaughter-free Saturdays.
-Jihad Boy walking around giving away falafels.
-Al Queda of the Caribbean, shows at the top of every hour blowing up animatronic schoolchildren.
-Log Ride into a shimmering pool of sand.
-Guito Center, a guided tour of Rush’s Club Gitmo
* Do Muslims have anything against puppies? I really think you can always calm down a situation by adding more puppies.
Of course!! this is brilliant! Have you ever seen one of those videos of a toddler getting avalanced by 9 to 14 enthusiastic puppies?? Well, multiply that by about 1,000,000 and we’ve won!!
* If Iraqis are happy, American are happy too. Except for the Democrats. Happy Iraqis makes them sad. Poor Democrats.
Give them PUPPIES!!!
[giant comment spam]
Brevity, thy name is 90srevelrycyclejustifiedwithclintonlegacy@whychelseawasbeatenwithanuglystick.com.
And I didn’t even begin to read your tripe. As far as I know it was a 2 page report on how much you love FrankJ
Wow that 57 pages or so of comment spam is/was more coherent than most of the trolls! (I assume that Spacemonkey or Frank will kill it soon)
It had a little bit of everything, anti-sementism, drugs, ranting about the bible (both pro and con) and lesbians.
The only question is what were they trying to do or sell?
Wow that 57 pages or so of comment spam is/was more coherent than most of the trolls! (I assume that Spacemonkey or Frank will kill it soon)
It had a little bit of everything, anti-sementism, drugs, ranting about the bible (both pro and con) and lesbians.
The only question is what were they trying to do or sell?
1st rule of writing: If you can’t write well keep it brief.
The Iranians are putting weapons in detergents?!?!!! Why that’s DANGEROUS! People innocently doing their laundry might get shot! I mean, being clean is a good thing. Do they want to harm clean people or just arm them? Either way, what about dirty people? Now I’m not for outright shooting dirty people, not even the ones that smell, but no….the Iranians want to shoot clean people.
Does anyone else think that 90srevelrycyclejustifiedwithclintonlegacy…has reality issues?
Re: 90s… thoughtful comment
Was that the best that an infinite number of monkeys with typewriters could come up with?
Do Muslims have anything against puppies?
Actually, they consider dogs “unclean.”
(which shows you what kind of scum we’re dealing with….)
“* Maybe to help the situation in Iraq, Bush should have talks with leaders of Iran and Syria. When they’re all seated at a table together talking, then Bush can pull out a gun and shoot them in the face. I can’t believe they fell for that!”
This is so wrong. Bush would never do anything like that.
He would shoot them under the table like Han Solo.
(Later, to improve his image, CSPAN would hire George Lucas to digitally alter the tape to make it look like they shot at Bush first.)
“* People who want to blow up lots of innocent people probably aren’t right in the head. Maybe Iraq needs more mental health facilities. Or maybe they need to remove those faulty heads”
There you go again, judging another peaceful culture just because it’s not the same as yours.
* Do Muslims have anything against puppies? I really think you can always calm down a situation by adding more puppies. Just make sure Michael Vick doesn’t get involved.
Also, be sure to keep Glenn Reynolds away.
Frank, I’m with you on this one, except the jab at Chicago. Being a resident of a suburb of Philadelphia (and previously of Detroit), I think you will find that we need the help in Philly (or Detroit for that matter) much more than Chicago needs it.
Once the dead stopped voting Democratic in Chicago, people were less apt to be killed. Perhaps there is some sort of causual linkage there…
Excellent Frank Thoughts! Bravo!