Man, liberals are getting so crazy angry over Dick Cheney being out front and center on defending the administration’s interrogation practices. They claim no one will listen to him because he’s so unpopular, but in fact they believe everyone will listen to him because they’re so scared of him and his Dick Cheney Assassination Squad.
Anyway, liberals need to calm down. They have a lot of myths about Dick Cheney, but here are the facts:
MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT DICK CHENEY
MYTH: Dick Cheney wants to eat liberal’s souls.
FACT: Their souls are puny to him and would give him no sustenance.
MYTH: Dick Cheney is going to soon kill all liberals.
FACT: Dick Cheney will only kill them when they least expect it, and right now they expect it.
MYTH: When the Dick Cheney Assassination Squad overthrows the Obama administration, all who opposed him will be loaded into rockets and fired into the sun.
FACT: Firing people into the sun would be too costly and infeasible. They will instead be fed to Dick Cheney’s dinosaur mounts.
MYTH: Dick Cheney is invulnerable to all weapons.
FACT: Only to known weapons.
MYTH: If you ever don’t pay attention to the baby monitor, Dick Cheney will sneak in and shake your baby.
FACT: Dick Cheney does not shake babies; he’s swallows noisy babies whole.
MYTH: Dick Cheney plans to blot out the sun and usher in a thousand years of darkness.
FACT: Dick Cheney plans to destroy the sun.
MYTH: Dick Cheney strangles kittens for fun.
FACT: It’s more like a nervous habit.