Straight Line of the Day: According to the NATO Manual, the First Rule of Cyberwarfare…

Posted on March 22, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

According to the NATO manual, the first rule of cyberwarfare…

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83 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: According to the NATO Manual, the First Rule of Cyberwarfare…”

  1. Apostic says:

    …is don’t shoot until you see the bytes of their eyes.

  2. rodney dill says:

    …is nobody talks about Cyberwarfare…

  3. rodney dill says:

    …to be or not to be = FF

  4. jw says:

    no more than seven cybers in the magazine

  5. rodney dill says:

    There are 10 kinds of Cyberwarriors… those that understand binary and those that don’t.

  6. rodney dill says:

    …no I will not fix your computer.

  7. rodney dill says:

    …on a clear disk you can seek forever.

  8. rodney dill says:

    …is that I can alway win by d8v79e%%%%%%% [signal lost]

  9. can of spam says:

    … is 0011110101100101011001.

  10. can of spam says:

    … if you know Perl and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred hackers. If you know C++ but not Perl, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know only Visual Basic, you will succumb in every battle. – Sun Tzu (paraphrased)

  11. rodney dill says:

    …no matter who wins you is gonna get Hz.

  12. can of spam says:

    … is to crush your enemies, see their data fly before you, and hear the lamentations of their graphics co-processors.

  13. Apostic says:

    @3.rodney dill says:
    March 22nd, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    Heh, “C” also:

    #define QUESTION {(2b || !2b)}

  14. rodney dill says:

    …when its over there’s only the quick and the BSOD

  15. rodney dill says:

    The Skynet is the limit.

  16. rodney dill says:

    @Apostic – I was trying to ungeekify it, while still making it possible to undertand.

  17. Matt Musson says:

    When they finally invent a fool proof system – somebody will invent a better fool.

  18. rodney dill says:

    …the idea is to Captcha the enemy.

  19. can of spam says:

    … is “On my command, unleash 7734″

  20. rodney dill says:

    …old programmers are like zombies… they just drop a few bits now and then.

  21. can of spam says:

    … all depends on whether the Greeks and Turks are playing nice with each other these days, whom we might offend, and what France, who is not an official member but often tags along, is demanding for their cooperation. This *is* NATO, after all.

  22. Dohtimes says:

    …fix Bayonettas!

  23. rodney dill says:

    To eliminate confusion try to avoid scheduling surprise attacks on Halloween or Christmas, as 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

  24. Dohtimes says:

    …is to refer to the manual as a Personual.

  25. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Always try 1 2 3 4 5 first!

  26. Mrs. Campbell says:

    Don’t be a dick.

    First choice of loot goes to the Commanding Officer.

    Remember, drones are only allowed on PVP servers.

    ASL?

  27. rodney dill says:

    Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product.

  28. Dohtimes says:

    …acne is a perfectly good camouflage, especially if one is clad in underwear.

  29. rodney dill says:

    Cyberattacks are like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn’t leave something that can be traced back to you.

  30. rodney dill says:

    …your mom’s basement is not an undisclosed bunker location.

  31. can of spam says:

    … once you go Mac, you can’t go back.

  32. Dohtimes says:

    …type carefully I. M. A. O. then dot us

  33. can of spam says:

    … for US folks, make sure your orders come from whitehouse.gov, not whitehouse.com

  34. Son of Bob says:

    …did you try restarting?

  35. Dohtimes says:

    ….Pron is still your friend but not during working hours.

  36. rodney dill says:

    …Ohms is futile.

  37. rodney dill says:

    …the attack will commence as soon as I find the ‘ANY’ key.

  38. Apostic says:

    Molon Labe.

    (Come and pwn them.)

  39. can of spam says:

    … is that MREs will consist of a bag of Skittles and a can of Mountain Dew.

  40. can of spam says:

    .. is that despite the fact that hacking Internet Explorer lacks skill and elegance, it still makes tactical sense.

  41. Apostic says:

    “im in ur cpu killin ur pr0cs”

  42. can of spam says:

    … is ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.

  43. rodney dill says:

    RTFM

  44. rodney dill says:

    secrecy… remember cylons is golden.

  45. can of spam says:

    … is that “battlefield trophies”, such as the enemy’s porn collection or music library, are allowed. But only if your CO gets a copy.

  46. can of spam says:

    … NO POOFTAHS! (Oh wait, we did away with that one…)

  47. can of spam says:

    … is so-called “chat speak” is forbidden. All taunts must be in both English and French, in triplicate, and a copy filed with your company clerk.

  48. BillyDee says:

    …is never get involved in a cyberwar in Asia.

  49. tomg51 says:

    No touch backs

  50. Dohtimes says:

    …Trouble contacting the Pentagon? Check for AOL alerts or high traffic at HuffPo.

  51. rodney dill says:

    @BillyDee #48 – Inconceivable!

  52. Oppo says:

    … is called the Optimus Prime Directive.

  53. Oppo says:

    … is that manuals are OK, but not automatics.

  54. a guy named Rob says:

    …is to make sure the the number of lids matches the number of containers, although I don’t understand why NATO cares about fighting with reusable food storage containers.

    …is to make sure you don’t get the Cybers mixed up with the carebears, or the pooh bears when going to war

    …is to make sure each counter-cyberwarfare programmer uploads his/her most recent photo of themselves wearing their cute light blue helmet

    …make sure that the programmers have taken the red pill, not the blue one

  55. rodney dill says:

    …take the blue pill.

  56. blarg says:

    …we must get everything on the internet as quickly as possible (General Al Gore)

    …any security can be broken during a 3 minute hacking montage with techno music, an array of monitors, and a beer.

  57. Tau Dades says:

    install a real firewall and turn the one off that comes with windows XP

  58. c64wood says:

    …is to install the toolbar by default

  59. plentyobailouts says:

    aaaaaaa oo eeeee oooo aaahaahhh zzzzzzzaaaaaa

    @9 Can o spam ” is 0011110101100101011001.”
    I can’t believe Frank is letting you get away with that language.

  60. Ironic Stompin' says:

    ↑↑↓↓←→←→BA

  61. Dohtimes says:

    …is you do not talk about cyberwarfare, and Thursdays we all get together to watch The Big Bang Theory and hold our Jim Parsons Fan Club meeting.

  62. can of spam says:

    @59 — #45 got a moderation time-out, but I got away with #9.

  63. Dohtimes says:

    …in cyberspace EVERYBODY can hear scream. And lots of other stuff, and we can see you almost all the time and Rodney Dill and Basil need to take the tape off of their web cams.

  64. Oppo says:

    … is to not bring dial-up to a 4G fight.

    … is to never leave a cyberman behind.

    … is to be the first to get reboots on the ground.

  65. Bob B says:

    …is Run! (according to Dr. Who)

  66. Oppo says:

    … is never to confuse “D-cell” and “gasoline.”

    … is to remember that there are no atheists in Firefox holes.

    … is to remember that a “hack attack” means something different to those cultures that have not yet advanced into the computer age.

  67. Harvey says:

    “never go in against a Sicilian when a Blue Screen of Death is on the line!”

  68. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …make sure your computer is plugged in.

  69. FormerHostage says:

    …is PEBKAC
    (Problem exists between keyboard and chair)

  70. Jeff in South Dakota says:

    I love the smell of binary in the morning!

  71. Dohtimes says:

    …the war isn’t over until the Great Landlord sings your praises.

    …praise the Lord and pass the nacho cheese.

    …the hardest thing to do in this war is win a Purple Heart, John Kerry won six of them yesterday.

  72. Oppo says:

    … is to cry “havoc” and let slip the DOS of war.

    … is to remember that it wasn’t over when the “not-C”s bombed Pearl Harbor.

    … is to remember that it’s no longer an arms race, it’s a finger race.

    … is to remember: what is it good for? Absolute Linuxin’.

  73. DamnCat says:

    …is don’t blog about cyberwarfare.

  74. frogmouth says:

    ALL CAPS YOU GUYS!!!!!!

  75. Writer says:

    … is to Spell it.

  76. Writer says:

    …is Machine Code!
    (and that dates this old Techie)

  77. Writer says:

    … is taking control of Weapons Systems count double points.,

  78. Jeffersonian says:

    If it has waterspots on it you can just wipe it off. If it has bits of food on it send it back because that’s unsanitary and gross. Oh wait. What? Oh. I thought you said rules of silverware. Sorry.

  79. Cliff says:

    …is to delete all cookies and temporary internet files

  80. RAML says:

    Straight Line of the Day: According to the NATO Manual,

    1: The First Rule of Cyberwarfare, is nobody talks about Cyberwarfare.

    2: The Second Rule of Cyberwarfare, is see rule #1.

  81. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …*DON’T PANIC!*

  82. a guy named Rob says:

    …is to get the opposing computer to play tic-tac-toe against it’s self

  83. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    […] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “According to the NATO manual, the first rule of cyber warfare…” […]

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