When I was at Disney World’s Epcot Center recently, they had a large, decorated pine tree displayed prominently. I then wondered if it was a Christmas tree or one of those newfangled “Holiday” trees. There were a number of placards on the tree, and the only ones that said “Merry Christmas” were in foreign languages so as not to antagonize over-sensitive Americans, apparently. What was in English was a placard that wished my unspecified holidays would be “happy” and one that said “Have a Joyous Kwanzaa.” That made me wonder why Kwanzaa was the only holiday that could get specific mention in English. Perhaps the tenets of Kwanzaa could be offensive to me. Of course, I had no idea what Kwanzaa was and whether to be offended, so I asked the nearest Disney employee what Kwanzaa was. It happened to be Mickey Mouse, and he just shrugged his shoulders and danced a happy little jig in response. I then knocked him to the ground and demanded answers.
And, if any prosecutor asks, Mickey produced his own weapon before I pulled out the switchblade.
While the most common question in regards to Kwanzaa is “What the hell is Kwanzaa?” perhaps that’s the wrong question to be asking. Maybe a better question is whether Kwanzaa exists at all. Not only do I not know anyone who celebrates Kwanzaa, I don’t even know anyone who knows anyone who knows how to celebrate Kwanzaa if he or she wanted to.
The traditional story about the creation of Kwanzaa is that, in 1966, an American black militant exclaimed, “I ain’t celebrating no white man’s holiday!” and made a new African holiday which’s celebration would start the day after Christmas. As charming as that story is, there simply is no evidence to corroborate it. If Kwanzaa has been around nearly forty years, wouldn’t there be some documented evidence of a Kwanzaa celebration? Instead, all supposed proof of Kwanzaa is highly questionable.
Kwanzaa Man: The most famous photo supposedly proving the existence of Kwanzaa. Allegedly, this image depicts someone on the way to a Kwanzaa celebration. Due to the blurriness of the photo, confirmation is impossible, and the picture may simply depicte a man on the way to play pool with some buddies.
Furthermore, I don’t remember hearing anything about Kwanzaa until sometime in the 90’s. A quick Google search found no references to Kwanzaa before the invention of the World Wide Web, something that took place well after 1966.
With further research and the use of the great journalist staple – unnamed sources – I found out that Kwanzaa was not actually created until the mid 90’s, and, not only was it not made by black militants, it was created by an old, rich white man.
Oldrich Whiteman: Inventor of Kwanzaa
Sometime in the 90’s, political correctness started to take hold during the holidays with TV making sure to wish a “Happy Hanukah” and “Happy Holidays” along with the then common “Merry Christmas” (Ramadan was not mentioned since we had yet to have a large scale terrorist attack). An executive at NBC decided to one-up the competition in how diverse they were by having an African holiday to mention. Not wanting to bother to do the research to find an actual holiday, the executive made up a holiday, named it after his daughter’s imaginary friend, and gave it a flimsy back-story. When others saw the mention of this “Kwanzaa,” they did not question it so as not to be accused of being racist. Not long after, everyone was mentioning Kwanzaa during the Christmas season though none knew what it was.
In conclusion, while Christmas and Easter have fictional characters to tell our children about, the holiday of Kwanzaa itself is the fiction. If someone wishes you a joyous Kwanzaa, you wish him right back a blissful Flibberdygibble.
This is Pajamas Media reporter Frank J. signing off.
I think Kwanzaa is when Gary Coleman slides down your chimney and beats up your wife/girlfriend/dog for not knowing whatchoo talkin’ ’bout?
//(Ramadan was not mentioned since we had yet to have a large scale terrorist attack). //
Can you really wish someone a “Happy” Ramadan though? I mean, from what I’ve heard about this “holiday”, you can’t eat until the sun goes down and in the middle east, the guys actually defecate in their pants to check for the return of Allah. I mean EWWWWWW! What’s happy about that?!?!?!
Merry Seasons and Happy Christmas to all!!!
Kwanzaa is a made-up holiday. It’s got a decidedly socialistic flavor to it, too. Like all Commie-based fakey things, it is doomed to failure. DOOMED, I say!!!
Kwanzaa-(adj.)1.What narley surfer dudes shout when shooting the banzi pipeline. 2.A commie (Chi-coms) inspired fake holiday that is doomed to failure like all thing commie and/or pinko.
ROFL!
Maybe we should just replace Kwanzaa with Kaazaa.
Or Festivus.
“I ain’t celebrating no white man’s holiday!”
Ha, classic stuff Frank!
as always, very informative.
I need to remember to wish some in my family that are overly PC a blissful Flibberdygibble.
I’s even worse than that, because some had internet before the 90’s. I think.
Happy Festivus indeed.
Would anyone like to make a donation to the Human Fund?
Kwanzaa is just another black holiday to down grade are holidays. Why is it that blacks have to be out front of all other races. i thought it was equal rights for all not more rights just for blacks and screw the rest. Just like there civil rights group…..NAACP
Here is a link to 12 days of Kwanzaa.
http://www.coreyandjayshow.com/media/12%20Days%20Of%20Kwanza.mp3
Its a democratic black holiday full of lies like the rest of there holidays MLK day and the lies that never got reported on. Rosa Park and the lies that suround her never got reported. And now they are taking christmas out but its ok for the black holiday Kwanzaa. just another hit at the whites and other races. and a free pass yet agaian on racism. The democratic MSM helps report this trash but dont report on the racist trash they comment on about whites. Its wrong and they know it and they will keep doing it until we stop it.
Just like at tookie the naacp and farrakon and other far left trying to help this man get a free pass on murder..And not once have they said anything about the victims…its all poor tookie and its all B/S! Now if they kill him iam willing to bet that there will be looting,fires,murders etc….. just like they do best and that all they know.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Frank, how much money do you need to fix the racist troll filter? The old one is clearly broken and the flotsam coming through is getting tedious.
Frank J, you my friend, are a racist.
Kwanzaa is off limits for jokes, just like all of African American culture… Unless you are black.
Otter
Why does the blackman always gotta keep me down?
Kwanzaa was invented sometime in the late sixties or early seventies by a con-man/nut job in LA who took on the pseudo-African moniker of Maulana Ron Karenga.
If there are ten thousand people in the whole country who celebrate this, I’d be surprised. One could find out whether I will be surprised, I suppose, by looking at marketing results.
Brian why do you call me a racist cause i speak the truth? its you are the racist cause you cant handle the truth. Think about that real hard.
I want my own holiday. It will be secular.
I will call it Munchiday.
It will be on december 27th. People will invite each other over for a nice oven roasted pork loin(garlic, ginger, Jamican Jerk, chipotle lemon…whatever you want. It’s your Munchiday.
If some of these people are Jewish then a Kosher chicken(s) may be substituted and you will have to eat over at their house but you can still arrange to bring something or pick up some kosher chicken’s froma caterer. Or you could do some salmon if they are sick of chicken. Salmon tastes pretty good. It’s pretty expensive though. If it’s too much then bring some flounder or cod for frying.
If they are vegan then they can bring something they like to snack on or fill up on sides. I mean be polite but don;t go breaking your back for somebody who’s looking for trouble.
Munchiday is not about generosity. It is not about love or understanding or brotherhood. It is not about being thankful or remembering the dead or honoring veterans or commemorating the death and ressurection of God made incarnate according to a lunar calendar.
It is about enjoying roasted meat. Perferably pork loin. In fact the pork loin can even be served with chili sauce and pineapple rings. It can be served with black molasses ham glaze with pinapple rings and cherries.
Do whatever you gotta do to cook that pork loin and pass it around to people you love, hate, or don’t pay much attention to. If it’s been a rough year then cook TWO pork loins.
Take pictures of everyone eating the pork loin and put them in cards to mail out next year on Dec. 27th. These cards will invite them to come and enjoy pork loin again and hint at what sort of pork loin you will be doing THIS year.
If someone is a big jerk and messes up Munchiday then tear their card up and don’t invite them back. Let them scramble to get a last mintue invite to somebody elses’ Munchiday party.Let them learn some manners the hard way
At 9:30pm when all the pork loin is gone then people get up and go the hell home. They should all divide up the sides so you don’t have a fridge full of crap.
PS. I do not work for the pork loin industry.
I’m not sure what I find more disturbing: This Kwanzaa blog, or the fact that FrankJ can remember to pimp Pajama Media but not his own blog.
What – I’m the only one who noticed?
I say let people celebrate whatever crap they want. Put up a golden calf, pray to trees, whatever.
I personally celebrate the feast of maximum occupancy.
I gotta side with Brian on this one – that bigdickdaddy sounds like the guy from american history x.
regardless, good stuff, frank j.
Kwanzaa is a sham holiday. Anything made up in the 60s is crap. It has no basis in anything real. Find one place in Africa that celebrates Kwanzaa or anything close to it. Can’t be done. Doesn’t exist.
Patriot Xeno & Brian you both are idiots and should be on a democratic site because thats what you both sound like. Its a made up holiday that has no meaning at all. Just one more thing for the blacks to try to stand out from all other races. And you both are the real trolls.
if you have nothing to say on the topic then shut up. But you two trolls rather undermine peoples comments about the topic just like a democrat! Frank you have 2 hillery clintons in here.
Little-known fact: Kwanzaa was named after the fifth taste, which is how you can sense MSG on your tongue.