In 2006 I resolve:
To fully and completely obey the law… of gravity.
To never, ever, wake up grumpy in the morning. I’m getting her an alarm clock.
To buy a really funny T-Shirt.
To wear hats more. And to wear more hats. Why does one always seem to be the limit?
To end my contant search for Waldo. He’s an adult. If he wants to hide, I say let him hide.
To find a regular feature I can write regularly and become the hack everyone expects of me.
To become famous and wealthy.
To become even more famous and even wealthier still.
To become so unbelievably famous and unbelievably wealthy that I have no time or notice for people who are still languishing at that first level of wealth and fame. People will say “I don’t believe you are this famous and wealthy.” I won’t blame or, for that matter, notice them. It WILL be hard to believe.
To own my own island where I will build a secret lair to launch a diabolical scheme and A) take over the world and B) establish democracies with capitalistic economies everywhere. I figure one scheme should do it. I’ve done my homework.
To eat more roughage.
Archive of entries posted on 31st December 2005
Sarcastic Answer of the Week
John Hawkins has a regular feature on RightWingNews on which he answers,on seperate posts, questions submitted by his readers on the presvios day.
Its kind of like IMAO’s “Ask Ducky” but without RightWingDuck and all the inherant rightwingduckiness associated with that.
He (John Hawkins) usually posts this feature named “Q & A Fridays” on random days of the week but this time he has posted it on of all days, a Friday. He delivers a great sarcastic answer to this question. Do You Think Right Wing News Helps The Conservative Cause?
Actually, the full question was “John, in all seriousness, do you think your site, www.rightwingnews.com, helps your cause?”
But his answer to the question is as masterful an example of sarcasm as I’ve seen lately.
Predictions for 2006
My predictions for 2005 all turned out wrong, so why bother with 2006?
Heck, when the Mayor of Houston awarded a no-bid contract for towing companies to drag helpless freeway-clogging breakdowns away in his SafeClear proposal, I thought that Santa’s sleigh would be towed by eight tiny SafeClear towtrucks.
Nope. Didn’t happen. Just the usual eight tiny reindeer, towing the sleigh. Then Santa tried to make a left turn on Main and got whalloped by the METRO Light Rail.
Man, that bag of toys blew out like a pinata smacked by Barry Bonds. Broken toys for everyone!
So my resolution for 2006 will be to remain open-minded and flexible in dealing with whatever 2006 is fated to throw in my direction. And to be wise enough to listen when someone yells “DUCK!”
PS: Some of you have the tradition of firing guns off to ring in the New Year. I strongly believe in the individual’s right to not only bear arms, but to use them in situations when it is necessary to defend and preserve innocent life.
I also believe in gun safety, since it is part of the use of a gun to prevent accidental and/or untimely snuffings of innocent individuals.
If you’ve got to go all Yosemite Sam at the stroke of midnight, here’s one word of advice: fire blanks.
However, remember to swap the blanks for live rounds afterward. There’s nothing quite like like starting off the New Year with black-eyed peas and a dead burglar in your front hallway.
Dr. Duck has answers
For a minute there I thought about delaying the latest answers to Ask Dr. Duck. Then I realized that pretty soon, most of you will be smash faced falling down thinking about voting Democrat – drunk.
Which means that by tomorrow, your hangover will be so bad you won’t even care about what I wrote.
Man, I love writing.
Anyway – what happens when you come to Dr. Duck for adivse? THIS!!
Dr. Duck Has Answers.