coming soon on the imao dvd . . .

. . . the high quality version of this low quality sample . . . maybe
video snuck out of texas on the back of an illegal alien with leprosy

It’s a Love Story with a Giant Ape

I have to agree with SarahK that the new Kong ads (I’ve heard them on radio and seen them on TV) are cringe worthy. After they’re done courting women to the movie, are they going to have to undo the damage to male perceptions that this flick is going to be the next Titanic?

NEW MALE ORIENTED KONG AD
(loud rock music plays as various action clips are shown on screen at a break-neck pace)
ANNOUNCER: New movie has big, mad monkey who smashes things! You go see!

The IMAO Guide to IMAO Bloggers

In an earlier post, Ducky was called a “Saltine” by a commenter which I guess is the new way of calling someone a “cracker.” That made me think that, since we don’t have pictures of everyone or about pages yet, people might not be clear who all the IMAO bloggers are. So, here is a quick guide to the IMAO bloggers:
RightWingDuck: the dumb, honky cracker
Harvey: the angry black man
Laurence Simon: the Christian fundamentalist
spacemonkey: the Asian transvestite
Cadet Happy (or whatever name he happens to go by now): the chimp taught to use a keyboard and mouse
Aquaman: the greatest superhero ever
SarahK: the city-destroying monster
Frank J.: the god-like overlord of the blogdodecahedron
I plan to color-code posts eventually, but hopefully that will help you keep the bloggers straight for now.

IMAO Audio Exclusive: The Meeting Between Governor Schwarzenegger and Stanley Tookie Williams

I can’t reveal my sources, but I have obtained audio of a meeting between the Governator and Tookie on the matter of his clemency. We all know how that turned out, but I still think it’s of historical interest.
Listen to it here.

Don’t Bury Tookie Yet!!

Tookie Williams is now dead, and that is a tragedy. At least it is as measured by the most recent RLPSC (Ranting Liberals Per Sound Clip). To hear them talk, Tookie was a man who was completely innocent, and anyway, he turned his life around. Which leads me to believe that he was indeed innocent but turned his life to vicious murdering hate. So I guess that in the end, it all worked out.
It was sad to see him go. Supporters claimed that Tookie should have been shown mercy because his books provided so much direction to kids. Now those books will simply disappear into thin air, because– oh, wait a minute. The books will still be around — hooray– the kids are saved!
However, if it was a tragedy to kill Tookie, I have to say it would be an even greater tragedy to bury him. Especially when he can still do so much good.
I firmly believe that Tookie still has something to contribute to society. This leads me to today’s topic — Ways that Tookie Can Still Make a Difference Today.
Things that Tookie Can Still Do To Benefit Society.
For example, just because he’s dead, it doesn’t mean that Tookie can’t be involved in peace marches and other good stuff.
civil.jpg
And, if we find a tall enough building, he can still help fight all that gang activity.
scan0007.jpg
Of course, what’s the most important thing you can do for your country after you die? Vote Democrat! In some states, the dead population makes up a key element to the Democratic base.
voter.jpg
Or you can benefit society in small ways. I for one, like being able to get tickets to my favorite concerts. But those lines are just so long! If only we knew someone who would camp out the ticket office in the freezing cold and help us out!
waitline.jpg
Plus, the cold would help preserve the body. That’s a good thing. Because we want him looking his best in front of the cameras.
weekend.jpg
It turns out that all those celebrity endorsements really did help!
**
Well, that’s all for today. It’s been fun talking about the death penalty. Personally, I’m against killing prisoners, but I feel we need to have a safe place to do it – otherwise, we’d resort to back alley executions with coat hangers.
Keep checking back, there’s always good stuff at IMAO.

Impatience

Tookie Williams was irritated that the execution took longer than he expected because of problems getting the needle into his arm.

Witnesses and prison officials said Williams appeared to grow impatient as prison staffers searched for several minutes for a vein in his muscular left arm.
“He did seemed frustrated that it didn’t go as quickly as he thought it might,” said San Quentin State Prison Warden Steven Ornoski.

Whining about several minutes?
Thanks to your lawyers, your liberal Hollywood friends, the tangled justice system, and meddling NGO’s, it took 24 years to get that needle into your arm, you murdering bastard. Twenty-six, if you count from the moment you killed those four people, and even longer than that if you go back to when you founded your gang of destruction.
What’s a few more minutes, Tookie?
The Gates Of Hell are always open, 24 by 7. Walk right in, they’ve been waiting for you a very long time.

Why Am I Blogging?

I want to be on my honeymoon!
Well, just have to make it to Saturday, and then two weeks with my love, SarahK.
Now where’s that friggin’ birth certificate (who could believe I’m not American?)? If they don’t let me on my cruise, this blog will turn to exclusively trashing Disney.

My Groom’s Cake Scares Liberals

Who trashes a wedding? Liberals are such trolls these days, hiding in darkness under their bridges, running from any sunlight that shines through, and gnashing their teeth and stomping their feet at the thought of any happiness. If a chocolate gun made poor TBogg wet his pants in fright, then it’s good SarahK didn’t go through with her originally plan of having a holster in place of a garter.
Weddings should make people happy, so everyone go over and try and cheer up poor TBogg. Frank J. and SarahK are wed and there is one less Tookie in the world, so all should rejoice. Beckon the troll from under his bridge and tell him to frolic in the meadows and chase the butterflies. Yay!
BTW, when did IMAO go from unfunny to painfully unfunny? In the Weblog Awards, we’re like eighth place or something (remember: you can vote every 24 hours). I don’t mind losing badly to a professional like Scott Adams, but who the hell is Jesus’ General? As for Best Podcast, we’re hopelessly behind MuggleCast but still have a chance for second place. As a bid for more votes, while there will be no new podcast until January, I will post some new audio later today.