Happy Holidays, My Pinky Toe

Things have been pretty great on the honeymoon, if you discount all the puking, itching and burning and other itches which have not been getting the attention they need because of the puking itching and burning.
When I say things have been pretty great on the honeymoon, I mean for the most part, everybody on a cruise is genereally in a fairly good mood, assuming no ninja monkey attacks occur. I wasn’t allowed to bring any guns or knives or swords on board. So to defend myself and my honey bunny snoogy woogums, the lovely and talented Sarahk Fle- Hah! you monkey ninjas thought I was going to reveal my last name and the source of all my power! HAH NEVER!, ahem. Anyway, to protect us I will have to use the most dangerous weapon I own, the one they can’t take away, my mind. I was told by the snippy “security” types I would get all my weapons back when we return to port. So while we are at sea, I will have to use my mind to defeat the ninja monkeys should they attack. Nobody else ever expects them. I always do.
They took my guns etc but they can’t take my mind away , but I swear I think somebody is trying to make me lose it, instead. Being the religious Christian types we are, Sarahk and I have been saying merry Christmas when people wish us happy holidays or season’s greeting or whatever else. Some smile and nod, others have just sort of stared at us and froze up like we’d cast an ‘Immobulus’ spell on them. This was especially true of the Disney crew. We thought it was odd. Then, ths morning we find this that someone slid under the door of our stateroom.

Disney Cruise Guests
This is the joyous holiday season. We hope you are enjoying the season during your stay aboard. We would like to ensure all our guests are comfortable in every way during their time with us but even more so during the holidays.
We want everyone to enjoy this time in whatever way they observe or don’t observe holidays during this time of the year. To this end, we have assembled a list of holiday greetings that are least likely to offend others. We request that you use them exclusively or none at all during your journey with us.
Happy Holidays!
Seasons Greetings!
Happy Hannukah!
Wonderful Winter Solstice!
Happy New Year!
Feliz Navidad! (if you are a native Spanish speaker)
Have a Joyous Kwanzaa!
Happy Ramadan!
Thank you for your cooperation. Enjoy your cruise with us.
Your Cruise Director
Jamie Farr

Well, Happy Holicraptacular to you Disney! or Should I say DEM-sney. What kind of leftwing liberal PC muckadoo mindscramble is this? Telling us we can say EVERY possible holiday greeting imaginable EXCEPT for Merry Christmas?
What the freak?
You know what? We’ve wished everyone we’ve run into a very merry Christmas ever since we got this piece of trash under the door. See how you like them greetings, Chairman Mouse.
With the way things were going I thought I would get a nasty sunburn to be the red to go with my nausea green. But it turned out to just be anti-muckadoo anger that has really chafed my butt, other than the see lice. GRRRRRRRR!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, Ronin.

Evidence that Saddam’s capture was staged?

Captured in a spiderhole by the Marines? Hah! Shows how much you know!
In a newspaper interview, Saddam Hussein revealed his bold escape plan:

“Saddam hoped to emerge unnoticed in nearby bushes — before staging a Steve McQueen-type great escape riding a motorcycle.”

That’s right. Saddam Hussein was, in fact, legendary Arab motorcycle daredevil “Axis Of Evil” Knievel, famous for successfully jumping the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers in the 1412 Ramadan holiday special.
His identity was kept secret until now, although many suspected he was Saddam Hussein when in an interview he said: “How many bones have I broken? I’ve lost count… probably hundreds of thousands.”
He had planned on performing one more stunt to wow his insurgent followers in his hometown, but in his mad dash two years ago to get out of Tikrit he was thwarted by getting his Iraqi flag cape snagged in the spokes of the back wheel.

IMAO Banner Image Comments

To my knowledge, Frank J. has never had a Christmas themed banner before. Of course, he’s never had cobloggers or left somebody like me with admin. rights at Christmas either. So, I thought a seasonal modification would add some visual festivity. I know, some IMAO purists will say the NTM-IMAO banner is sacrosanct, but I think an insane snowman wielding a ninja sword is in keeping with the spirit of both the season and IMAO.

Thanks to Cadet Happy for making the image pretty close to spec. Snow on the letters might have been overkill anyway.

Heaven

ABC News’ Barbara Walters is doing an in-depth, hard-hitting investigative piece on whether Heaven exists or not.
Why Barbara Walters? Why not Peter Jennings or David Brinkley?