Good news! Not quite as pukey today!
Bad news! Itchy! Burny!
Our ship docked in Key West today, so the lovely and talented Sarahk and I decided to take in the sights of the “Conch Republic” (pronounced ‘KWEER-VILLE’).

After forcing down some lunch, my stomach hasn’t entirely recovered yet, we decided to split up for the afternoon. Sarahk would get a massage at a local spa while I joined a small group on a snorkeling expedition. As it turned out, I should have opted for a facial. The snorkeling itself was great (I will post some pictures from my disposable underwater camera when I get the film developed)–it was only after we returned to the ship that the unpleasentness began.
You see, shifting ocean currents sometimes bring pinhead-sized larvae (commonly refered to as “sea lice”) near the shore. If you are unfortunate enough to swim into a group of “sea lice”, as I was, your swimsuit acts like a net to trap the larvae. The friction of your swimsuit and body creases causes the nematocysts of the “sea lice” to fire and sting you. If I had been swimming “au natural” I wouldn’t have had any problems, but modesty prevented that–not to mention I think the dive master was a little on the ‘Conchish’ side, and there were several schools of hungry looking fish in the vicinity.
I didn’t feel anything while we were actually snorkeling–it was only about 3 hours later when the intense itching began. At first I ignored it , but as the itching became more and more intense, and a noticeable rash began to form on my, um, backside, and, um, other swimsuit areas, I went to the ship doctor. He knew right away what it was and gave me some antihistamine and hydrocortisone cream. The rash should resolve within a week, and poses no long term health dangers, but it itches like the dickens and I likely will have difficulty sleeping for a few days. A pox upon your house, Aquaman!
PS: Sarahk got slightly over-exfoliated at the spa. STOP SPENDING ALL MY MONEY, WOMAN! I mean, the poor baby.
PPS: The swelling that went with the rash is quite impressive! But sorry ladies and ‘Conchish’ guys, there won’t be any photos of that, at least none I’m sharing with you ronin. But I will share a pic of the rash–not for the faint of heart . . .

Continue reading ‘Aquaman’s Revenge’ »

. . . i warned frankj against eating sushi on a disney cruise . . .

I’d have thought the idea that the Media was biased to the left was fairly obvious(except to the Left who call it the SCLM or ‘So-Called Liberal Media”) but some eggheads did a study to see if it was anyway.
And it is. Color me shocked. Whatever color that might happen to be.

I’d like to take a moment to congratulate the winners of Time’s Person of the Year Award: Rock Star Bono, and Bill and Melinda Gates.
Mr. Bono has worked tirelessly to help clear up Africa’s MasterCard bill.
Mr. Gates has worked tirelessly to ensure that my current version of Windows functions well, and that it will function even better with the next version for just $59.95.
And, of course, Mrs. Gates bakes a mean apple strudel.
Congratulations to you all.
Your certificate of appreciation is in the mail.
Out of curiouslity – not to say these people were not worthy – but is there anyone you feel would have made a better choice?
Post in comments – unless Windows crashes.

Does everyone like the way I’ve improved the IMAO blog logo?

I thought so.
Now… what else to tinker with…

That’s right, folks. You thought we were just going to twiddle our thumbs while Frank and Sarah were on their honeymoon cruise with Donald and Goofy and Isaac the Bartender.
You were wrong. So very wrong.
Just like other essential services, such as hospitals and Honey Baked Ham franchises, we Jews are well known for manning the phones and reception desks so you Christians can go celebrate your hand-me-down altered Pagan mass over-commercialized present-exchange celebration of Jesus’ birth. (Whom we didn’t kill, darn it!)
The same goes for the IMAO podcast, although I don’t think there’s anything about going off to sip Mai Tais on the Princess Jasmine Deck with The Seven Dwarves in any of the Gopsels. (I think Matthew said something about them, but my Book ends at Malachi for some weird reason.)
So, I slapped together a last minute script, twisted a few arms, kept Ducky’s insulin out of reach until he cried Uncle, and it looks like we’re a go.
Now, I’m not one to brag or voluntarily participate in criminal conspiracies for less than 40% of the take, but it’s going to be a podcast you can gather the whole family around the fire for. Ever year, you’ll play it over and over like “The ACLU Lawyer Who Stole Christmas” or “We’re Out Of X-Box 360s, Charlie Brown” or “I Didn’t Kill Those People I Murdered” with Tookie Williams.
Or is it Brian Williams of NBC?
So let the sugar-plums dance in your heads, tuck yourselves in tight, and please be patient. Despite having recorded 286 of my own 100 word stories, this is the first itme I’ve actually mixed a podcast together.
Production values? Isn’t that a platform of the Green Party or something?
Now where’s the button in Audacity for a star-wipe…

Continue reading ‘Where’s the IMAO Holiday Christmas (and Hanukkah or Kwanza or non-observant types) Podcast?’ »